2nd chemo tomorrow

Today was another pretty good day. Am as set as I can be for tomorrow's chemo. Lisa's driving me, and I'll be having a quick check up at my surgeon's office before the treatment. Not sure which chemo drugs I'll be served tomorrow. Depends if insurance has agreed to cover the avasten drug. Time will tell.

As my sister says, here's to strong veins!

A better day

Still yawned most of the day, but I seemed to be a bit better. Am thankful for that.

I make myself post cause I know so many people are concerned about me.

Did go to work today, there in body just not mind. Accomplished a lot of data entry, just wanted my chatty self. But last I knew, that was not a sin. People are concerned but it's hard to explain how you are feeling. Not nauseous thank goodness, but just no energy. Like someone wrung out all my energy.

At lunch Barry cooked bratwurst on the grill which was nice. That allowed me to lay on couch with blanket for about 20 mins. A chance to close my eyes.

As soon as I got home from work (a very long day) I changed into my jammies and got under the covers in my bed. I dozed until 6:30 pm. Tim had helped himself to a bratwurst so he was all set.

If I could get just a small amount of energy back I would be happy. I just have to remember that I'm doing the best I can do. Lay down whenever I can, and get to bed early at night.

A friend has offered to do a house cleaning party for me. In the past I would never have considered such an offer. But you know, I'm this close to saying "go for it." People wouldn't offer if they didn't want to do something. Heck on a healthy day, house cleaning wasn't on my top 10 list. There comes a time when you have to sit back and just say yes.

zero energy and I don't like it

not sure if it's steroids going away and/or chemo working, but my energy level is at a low. no umph at all and I don't like that feeling. very depressing to know that right around the corner is another treatment. Tim's so kind, hugs me and says it's not my fault. It just sucks.

asking for healing energy and prayers.

Feeling good continues...but not for long..

Going with the flow and I continue to feel good. Slept peacefully. Am hoping that Barry contacts the Reiki Master to have some spiritual energy sent his way. He has trouble sleeping, sweats, etc. The way I look at it, I'll try anything.

Off to first graduation party this afternoon. Lamb on the spit will be main course. Barry's already drooling for it. Using that as his away message on computer today.

Updated blog 11:20 p.m.

I wrote on my blog a bit too soon this a.m. Things changed once I took the morphine time release pill. Don't think I should have taken that this a.m. Even though they told me to keep ahead of the pain, I think it was a bad thing to do. I did cut the lawn afterwards, and made up 2 hanging baskets for deck. By the time I was doing that, I was feeling a bit whipped. Most of the day is a blur. About 2 p.m., I went to bed knowing that at 4 p.m. the graduation party was starting. Wasn't able to really sleep. Did get up at about 4:30 p.m. Talked it over with Barry and said we would go to party. I at least needed some food in my stomach. Most of the time at the party was a blur, was there in body but my head was elsewhere. I could hear conversations but I wasn't really a part of them.

As soon as got home, which was before 7 p.m. we both headed to bed. I could not get comfortable since my jaw/teeth had slight ache. Weird feeling. Eventually did fall asleep and just woke up at 11 p.m. for an ice pop. Barry slept a couple of hours.

I am so glad that I'm off tomorrow for the holiday. Needless to say, I'm not taking any more meds. If pain comes back, I'll take something. Can't see why people like to do drugs. Not for me.

Can't wait to see Tim. Both times he called, we missed talking to him.

A good day for me, thank God.

Knock on wood, so far so good. Have had no discomfort from first chemo treatment. About only thing different is "trench mouth". Yucky taste. But that's fine with me.
Slept well. Went out and bought some more herbs and flowers to make hanging bags. Wasn't going to do them this year, but they always do look nice. My sister had shown me how to make them for my deck.

Tim's off with his friend for the weekned. House is already too quiet.

My holiday weekend plan is to relax! take care of myself! and I think it's about time for a little siesta! Barry's already beat me to that.

Have still taking the time release morphine to keep it in my system, insurance policy.

Looking forward to going to the first graduation party with the Beckster family tomorrow afternoon. Even Barry's able to come since it's a holiday weekend.

Thanks again for everyone's powerful prayers and positive energy.

11 p.m. And end of a good day. Went out to dinner with Barry and missed what could be Tim's one and only call to us! Have to say, today was a good day.

My first chemo treatment is complete

Julie drove me to the cancer center, but only after I posed with her for a picture. Had to blog a picture, you know the routine. One of these days I will also take some pictures of the actual treatment. This round of treatments is with a chemo drug called Taxol. I am waiting for insurance approval to add the drug avistin which presently only has FDA approval for colorectal cancer, but doing wonders with breast cancer. If insurance denies this drug for my treatment, the social worker has papers all set to apply for the drug from another source, perhaps drugmaker. I signed application papers today.

Before the chemo drug is given via IV, pre meds are given to me. These include benadryl for possible allergice reactions, kytril (used to prevent nausea and vomiting as a result of chemotherapy and radiation therapy. Kytril offers you the confidence to control these distressing side effects of cancer treatments) and a steroid called decadron. Oh yes, pepcid for my stomach too. Once these are given, the glass bottle containing Taxol is hung and connected to my IV. The drip dosage at first is very slow, just to make sure I am not having an allergic reaction. Fast beating heart/flused cheeks are watched. I think they adjusted the drip dispensing about 4 times before it began to drip at the fast speed. As soon as the benadryl was given in my vein, my eyes became so heavy. I had my eyes shut through most of the treatment, with the lights out in the room. Julie sat my the doorway doing paperwork, using the hall light for herself. She was very good company. I do see the need for a driver to the treatment each week due to this drowsiness.

As I walked up the driveway, I think I was walking like I was on drugs! oops, I guess I was!! A bit drunky. Said a quick hello to Barry and announced I was heading to bed. Think it was about 2:30 p.m. when I got home. I felt good and wanted to take advantage of the sleepy feeling. I quickly put jammies on after calling my dad with news of the chemo. Bed felt so good.

Barry and I went out to dinner tonight. Pain level is at an almost zero, but am taking time release morphine as prescribed. I know how fast it can come back. No nausea, no side effects. Knock on wood. I feel pretty good. Must be all the positive energy and prayers people are sending me.

I intend to do very little this weekend. Going to pamper myself and take a step back. Tim will be away at Ben's family camp this weekend. Barry did uncover the 5th wheel camper this a.m. (after he made Tim a gourmet breakfast and drove him to school). So it will be Barry and me this weekend.

Thanks to all.

Julie is my chauffeur for my first chemo treatment today. Nothing compares to friendship!

 

A good night's sleep

Am so thankful for a good night's sleep.

Julie is taking me to my first treatment this a.m. She's a nurse and is quite familiar with oncology. A good friend.

And I'm also excited about my sister's new friend who is involved in Reiki, Japanese art of healing through energy. She's going to send me some energy tonight. I'm open to anything, anything that is positive. Have asked her if it could be send the mornings I have treatment also.

And once again, thanks to this blog for a way of me telling me/our story. Who would have thought it would have touched so many lives. I get instant emails whenever someone posts a comments, so please keep them coming. I don't get notified any other way. So if you just read my blog, I am not aware of that. But I do appreciate you taking the time.

My chauffeur arrives at 10:30 a.m. so off to get something in my tummy.

PS. Perhaps I'll even have a recent picture of me taken today.

Cluttered mind

My mind is a bit cluttered right now. My chest seems like it is in overload, pumping so fast. It's just that there was no real mental prep for tomorrow's chemo for me. Not that it would have helped. Wam, bam, here I am. Have taken anxiety/anti depressant/pain meds. Think I've covered everything.

Forgot one thing. A good friend of mine, a bosom buddy, dropped off this huge chicken in a roasting pan for dinner tonight. Out of the blue, and perfect timing. I had nothing planned. Along with apple pie. Once again, terrible situations bringing out the best in people.

Have heard from people that I would never have expected to.

Short post now, as I'm mentally exhausted. I think my laundry is going to have to stay wet in the dryer!

Off to bed where I pray for a good night's sleep. Looking forward to that energy being sent my way. Cool.

11 a.m. treatment. Bring on good veins.

Pain returns for a visit

As bad as I'm feeling tonight, couldn't go to bed without an update. Had good day at job, accomplished a lot, people were so kind. They called me an inspiration. Felt good.

Had hair cut after work at about 6 p.m. Tim went to school function at about 6:45 p.m. I headed to mall and grocery store. By the time I was leaving town, the pain was slowly coming back to my chest. It was the longest 1 hr. 10 min. trip that I've had lately. Had not brought any meds, but had bought tylenol in store. I don't know how I made it home with the pain.

Quickly took meds (called oncologist for drug recommendation) consisting of vicadin. Just quietly layed on couch watching tv On drive home I was trying to do breathing exercises to make the pain less.

Meds are kicking in now, off to bed. Scary now since I now know the pain is caused by cancer. For sure, the pain meds have to come with me on trips. Am hoping to work tomorrow, but time will tell.

Night.

No sleep for me

Last night was a mostly sleepless night. Guess it made up for the nights/days I was sleeping so well. Headache remains, will take something for it. I do know that tonight will be better sleeping night. Off to work shortly. Wearing my new capris to work. Had never been allowed to wear them at old job. Along with sandals. Am hoping the a/c is on now at my job since it's going to be 80s.

It's back.......

Yes, the cancer is back. Not the words I wanted to hear but the words I expected to hear. The same cancer name, recurrence of breast cancer but in different location. Beneath the sternum (chest bone) coming out around the side pertruding through my chest. About 4 c.m. in size. Not surprised, knew it in my gut. You don't have a large growth coming out of your chest 2 years from breast cancer for no reason at all. Shed no tears while talking to oncologist, had already shed some past week or so.

Additional testing is being done on the tissue.

The Plan:

Chemo will begin this Friday with two drugs. Taxol and avastin, plus a drug for super bone strength. Can't remember the name. Wonder why? Chemo every Friday for 3 weeks, then off the 4th Friday. No delay, starting right away. Hair loss once again, plus possible neuropathy and skin irritations (acne on face). Will have to get my hats back and scarves borrowed from Jody again.

They say 1 in 7 get breast cancer. Am still wondering why some get it twice.

I've shed some tears this p.m. once again, but I do have a plan. I return back to work tomorrow for a couple of days and then chemo on Friday. With chemo on Fridays I can rest 2 days on the weekends. I did it once before, and I hope to continue to hold my head high during this period. Bottom line is there is no cure for cancer. All it takes is one cell, and mine was probably tucked away under my chest bone in a lymph node.

Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers. Believe me, I don't know how people can make it through this shit without faith.

Off to see oncologist

Am hoping I hear pathology results today, but it could be a bit too early. But at least I'll be meeting with oncologist so he can see first hand the area in question.
Yesterday was first day without prescription meds, and just took over the counter. One thing I've been noticing is how extremely tired I have been. Yawn practically all day, and when I sleep boy do I sleep. After getting Tim up for school, I immediately go back to bed and sleep until 10 ish. Often during the day, I take 2 -3 hr. nap. In trying to assess this, I am thinking it could be related to the anti depressant that my medical dr. prescribed when I was in hospital. Have since read side effects and that is one. So, after talking with my sister last night I took only 1/2 the pill at bedtime and will go over this with my oncologist today. Need to wean myself off of that pill in my opinion. Have also had a mild headache in the back of my head for past couple of days. Can't think of anything else but perhaps a blood test might show.

Off to 2 p.m. appt.

Am planning on returning to work tomorrow. Will call them later, barring anything out of the ordinary.

A plan....

Definition of plan:

A scheme, program, or method worked out beforehand for the accomplishment of an objective: a plan of attack.

Today I/we began my plan. This was done by going to our church and for the second time we both got the blessing of the sick.

Definition:

The Catholic Church sees the effects of the sacrament as follows. As the sacrament of Marriage gives grace for the married state, the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick gives grace for the state into which people enter through sickness. Through the sacrament is given a gift of the Holy Spirit that renews confidence and faith in God and strengthens against temptations to discouragement and anguish at the thought of death and the struggle of death. It thus leads to spiritual healing with forgiveness of sins and, sometimes, to bodily healing as well.

The oil used in the sacrament is usually olive oil, though other vegetable oil may also be used (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1513). It is blessed by the bishop of the diocese at the Chrism Mass he celebrates on Holy Thursday or on a day close to it. In case of necessity, the priest administering the sacrament may bless the oil within the framework of the celebration (Code of Canon Law, canon 999).

In the Roman Rite of the Western Catholic Church, the priest anoints the sick person's forehead with oil (usually in the form of a cross), saying: "Through this holy anointing, may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit." He then anoints the hands, saying, "May the Lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up." He may also, in accordance with local culture and traditions, and the needs of the sick person, anoint other parts of the body, but without repeating the sacramental formula.

A positive step taken for our plan.

We see oncologist tomorrow at 2 p.m.

People ask my how Tim's doing?

People ask me how Tim's doing? Can't really answer that question. He's a kid, on top of that he's male. But this is what makes up my son.

I needed him to take me to the store for some groceries. He said "one sec. I'm looking up a recipe online." Came downstairs and told me that he couldn't find what he was looking for. I asked him what it was? He told me it was a chicken spicy dish over rice that Lisa has made for him a couple of times. To his surprise, and to mine (since I had not lost it), I found it printed out next to my computer.

So you guessed it, we went to the store and then Tim made the chicken thai dish. A bit spicy for me (said he will tone it down next time, add more soy sauce) but it was still delicious. His friend Ben and girlfriend stopped by to invite him for ice cream, he declined saying "he was making dinner!"

This was such a caring gesture that he did for me today. I think he's kind of special..

Also, he walked in a Cystic fybrosis walk-a-thon today on a team for a friend of ours daugher, Clare. His friend had asked him to awhile back, and he jumped at the opportunity. Had a great time, and it was certainly a great cause. Great job, Clare and family.

Thoughts

Yesterday I got a call from my boss in the a.m. Actually I was still sleeping. One of the questions that was asked was "when do you expect to come back to work." Truly a good question. I thought to myself and said my goal would be Monday or Tuesday. But have pondered my comment ever since it was made. Yes, that's a goal but not an honest expectation on my part. My chest area in my opinion has grown, perhaps due to incision/being imflamed or because it's one week older. I've tried to cut back on the pain meds in preparation of going back to work, but this defeats the purpose of the meds. The pain comes back even more. The meds cause drowsiness, and therefore I've been taking 3-5 hr. naps during the day. And they are such sound naps thank God.

I've been told, and yes I should know this myself, that my health is worth more than a job. Nothing has changed since being hospitalized, except a few more tests and a biopsy. The pain continues, the tumor remains. Come Tuesday I am hopeful for some results. This will be my first appt. to see my oncologist. As of this week, he had not even been sent the results of any of my tests. He was going to have his office contact my primary doctor.

So, I have to tell my job that for now I won't be in on Monday until I have more information to deal with. Perhaps a different way to control the pain.


PS. Just found this comment on a friend's journal who is going through recurrence of breast cancer:


God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Tim and his girlfriend before the prom

 

Tim and his friends before the prom last week.

 

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So I decided to have Tim take some shots of the tumor.

 

 

 

 

Biopsy is done

After Barry had his weekly blood drawn at the Cancer Center, we went to the hospital at noon. It was 1:25 p.m. when I was wheeled into the operating room. By the time I scooted over to the table, I was out like the light. Next thing I knew I was coming to in the recovery room.

But let me backtrack a bit. When we arrived in the hospital room, I had to put the gorgeous gown on. This traumatized Barry so much! to see my naked body... Every inch of flab. His eyes burned. I told him needed to ask for a pain killer to help him out! It's this kind of laughter that keeps us together and going.

Results won't be ready until perhaps Tuesday. And this is good estimate since previous patholgy tests I've had took that long. They sent me on my way home with a percocit. (which reminds me it's time for another pill)

We got home at about 4:30 p.m. I was anxious to see how Tim did on his try out for Drum Major. He unfortunately did not get the position. He was pleased for the boy that got it, and that just shows the kind of person Tim is. In my heart I thought he would have selected, but I was wrong. Wasn't meant to be. Better things will come his way I'm sure.

Have to be at hospital at noon tomorrow for 1:30 p.m. biopsy.

Head ct scan complete

I had the head ct scan done this a.m. That was the quickest test I've had done recently. In and out. And I would think since it was done so early in day, the results should not be delayed. But time will tell.

Am going to attempt to just use over the counter tylenol for pain today. I don't like the groggy feeling that the morphine has on me. Can't understand why druggies do drugs. Even though the last pill I took was at 9 p.m. last night, I'm still feeling the effect of it. At times hard to keep my eyes open, plus it causes slight headache.

Tim's having a big week this week. He's been practicing for Drum Major. This morning one of his tryouts was to lead the middle school band in Star Spangled Banner. I can't wait to hear how he did. I think that he would do great in that position. He had to write an essay on why he would be good at the position, and I was quite impressed by it. (not that I'm biased!) Tomorrow is the big test when they tryout in front of band teacher and a teacher from the college. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he gets this.

Update on my health

I actually did sleep through the whole night. Surprised me. Have spoken to both my medical dr. and oncologist first thing this a.m. I am scheduled for head ct scan at 8 a.m. tomorrow. The recent bone scan and the one from 2 years ago show similar spot on the front head skull, but this is also reason for tomorrow's test. Just to be on safe side. Oncologist pleased that bone scan showed no cancer in bones. The biopsy will be done Thursday p.m., time unknown right now.

By noon I was feeling the effect of the morphine med, a bit light headed/loopy as they say. After eating a quick lunch, I went to bed and slept for almost 3 hrs. The dr. has said to take the vicadin in between meds, but I will try not to do that. I don't like the feeling of not being clear in the mind. I have an appt. for next Tuesday with oncologist, hopefully he will have results of biopsy which usually takes 3-4 days. I couldn't believe that my oncologist had not been sent any test results, as I was told they had been. They were going to follow up on that today.

sorry for no prom pics. Haven't downloaded anything. Eventually.

I'm home...

Short entry now but wanted to say that I'm home. MRI showed nothing unusual and bone scan showed nothing in bones. Did see small speck of something in skull area, and the dr. told me something I can't recall. But my comeback line was to check same scan of 2 years ago to see if it was there also. He will check tomorrow.

By 6:00 tonight my pain was back to what it was when I was admitted on Sat. Made call to dr. and he said to take the prescribed morphine med, and if needed during the night to take a vicaden that I have. Said pain is probably due to irritation on ribs, either way very painful to even breath.

No biopsy being done until Th. p.m. due to area involved. Wants it done in OR setting.

Right now have slight fever, could tell my hot eyes. 100.2. You know, life can suck at times.

Not a Happy Mother's Day

This is Eileen again for my sister Jane. I just got off the phone with her and she is in la la land with the meds. Ha Ha Ha They are getting her pain somewhat under control. She will be having a bone scan and MRI tomorrow. She asked me to tell everyone she doesn't have her phone with her so she has no phone numbers. I will let you all know how she is doing after the tests tomorrow. Please continue to pray for all of them. Thanks for being there for them as we are all so far away.
Eileen

Back in hospital

This is Jane's sister writting for her tonight. Jane is in the hospital with a tumor or her sternum. It is about 2" long. There is not cure for this, but treatment. She is in alot of pain and they are trying to control it now They will be doing more tests on Monday and I will post when I get more info from her. Please pray for my sister, Barry and Tim.
Eileen

I'm still here.....

Barry's boss mesntioned to him today that I had been quiet lately on my blog. I have to agree with him. I'm still here, just not bloggin'. There are just times that basically my life is pretty uneventful, and therefore I feel I have nothing interesting to write. And I guess that can be taken as a good thing.

On this Saturday, May 12 it will be my 2 year anniversary for having my first chemo treatment. Funny how things like that are important to you, things to mark down on a calendar. That was also the same day I heard that Barry had cancer. You know, you can never go back.. just forward. Never the same.

About 3 weeks ago I noticed a lump in what the dr. calls my rib area. The area where my cross on my necklace lays. Quite obvious to the touch, and just to look at me. Went to the doctor, he sent me for rib x ray and they came back normal. He put me on celebrex for a couple of weeks thinking inflammation. Well, as of now it's still there. I went back to see dr. yesterday and am scheduled for a chest CT scan tomorrow after work. I've also come down with upper respiratory infection, AKA common cold. The dr. gave me a nasal spray to use once a day. No relief yet. Started with sore throat the day after Barry's chemo treatment in Pittsburgh. Then it became the nasal drip causing annoying cough. And it wasn't my intention but Barry now has it. Was up practically all last night with the cough. And today he said his insides ache so much from the strain of coughing. We make a good pair.
I feel so bad for him, with his recent treatment his immune system is not the best.
This too shall pass.

This Friday is going to be a very good day. Tim is going to his first prom with his girl friend. Got his tuxedo tonight. Can't wait to see all his friends dressed up. I'm looking forward to that day. Kids grow too fast.

We've been having some yard work done. After sewers were installed last year, our yard was so destroyed. So we've started the rebuilding process. All stumps on our property were grinded down today and hopefully within a week or so a landscaper will be here to power rake the yard, bring in some new soil and plant a new better lawn.
Now Tim won't have to weed whack so much, I can just go crazy with the mower. Should look better than before once it's done.

Again, I'm here and I do appreciate everyone's concern. PS Hope to post some pix soon.