Saturday, December 29, 2007

Family is the best medicine

We got back from Cape Cod Thursday p.m. Barry drove the whole way back which was about 10 1/2 hrs. while Tim and I dozed. I think I was the most comfortable with my nice bed that I had made in the backseat, which was even better than the trip up there. Dad had given me a nice goose down comforter which made for an extra soft/warm bed. (You see, I commented how much I liked the comforter and he ended up giving it to me. Next time I have to remember that and tell him how much I like something even bigger and more expensive! I had not expected to be as comfortable as I was on this trip. Am thankful I was as cozy as I was. It was especially nice because Barry wasn't making me stay awake the whole trip, I was able to lay down as needed.

I do realize that I didn't post while on the Cape. No good reason, just wasn't on my to do list. It was a nice trip, able to see all of Barry's family the day after Christmas. Tim and his cousins had the job of moving a cut up tree and branches that they had taken down after a bad storm. Actually did a fast job in doing so, probably cause they just chit chatted as they moved all the tree. It had been a long time since we had seen all his family together. It's hard to accomplish that since now all the kids go to college and/or have jobs. Am very glad they made the effort to come see us. We even got to out to dinner with them, all 11 of us. Thanks.

Christmas Day was spent at my brother's house where he traditionally has this dinner with so much food including prime rib and lots of desserts. I am not sure how many people were there. It was Barry's first time being able to go which made it even more special. Tim was able to spend some time with his cousin there as well. Stephanie was on winter break from college. Another person we had not seen in a long time. Doug lived up to his reputation and prepared a tasty meal for all. Since he is a chef and owner of a restaurant, he loves to cook even on his day off. Does it so calmly while even socializing with his guests. I could never do that.

We stayed at my parents' home while on vacation. Have never had bad accomodations there. We were able to enjoy some pizza and fried seafood during our stay. Most of the local seafood restaurants we truly enjoy are closed this time of year since they are seasonal.

Dad: for your reading only not to be shown to mom.

Have heard from my sister and father how fast my mother's alzheimers is changing her. It's truly a terrible and long disease for both her and especially my father. At a time they both should be relaxing and enjoying retirement they are dealing with this illness. The whole time my mom is awake she consistently asks "are we doing anything special today?" This happens at times within minutes of the past. No comprehension or remembering. But ask her about years ago and she's so clear. Strange how this works. In order to keep her somewhat busy my dad will tell her to wipe counter top or just clean up some pans in the sink. But you have to watch every minute of the day just to keep her safe. Basically everything she does is a result of someone telling her what to do. I applaud my father for his patience and love that he gives to her each day. A tough job even if you are young. I did get some laughter out of her on evening though. First time I had heard her laugh in a long time. Dad always asks her if the dog p'd outside after letting him out. She quietly would say yes. I told her next time he asks her just say this: "yes, about 3 ounces." She did the kind of laugh that you almost can wet yourself. A good ole belly laugh.

This prayer has always touched my heart:

TEN REQUESTS OF THE ALZHEIMER'S VICTIM


PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME
Remember, I am the helpless victim of an organic brain
disease which is out of my control.


TALK TO ME
Even though I can not always answer you. I can hear
your voice and sometimes comprehend your words.


BE KIND TO ME
For each day of my life is a long and desperate struggle.
Your kindness may be the most special and important
event of my day.


CONSIDER MY FEELINGS
For they are still very much alive within me.


TREAT ME WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECT
As I would have gladly treated you if you had been in
this bed.


REMEMBER MY PAST
For I was once a healthy, vibrant person full of life, love
and laughter with abilities and intelligence.


REMEMBER MY PRESENT
I am a fearful person, loving husband, wife, father, mother
grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle or a dear friend who
misses my family and home very much.


REMEMBER MY FUTURE
Though it may seem bleak to you, I am always filled with hope for
tomorrow.


PRAY FOR ME
For I am a person who lingers in the mists that drift between
time and eternity. Your presence may do more for me than
any othe outreach of compassion you could extend to me.

LOVE ME
And the gifts of love you give will be a blessng from which will
fill both our lives with light forever.

****************************

I did enjoy the time on the Cape. Wished I had felt better but was glad to have been able to go there. No matter how you feel, there are always people worse off. You just have to remember that.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Arrived on Cape Cod

Even though I wasn't able to keep the secret from my parents, they still were thrilled to have us come for Christmas. Tim drove a total of about 5 hrs, helped Barry out a bit. I was able to rest in back seat where I had made a bed which also included a pillow. Was surprised I was able to get as comfortable as I did get. Can't wait for 10:30 p.m. to come so I can take my pain meds though. It's no worse than if I had stayed home which is good. We left home at about 5 a.m. and took our time in driving. Even stopped by my brother's restaurant to have a late lunch at about 2 ish. Then made it to my parents house at 6 p.m.

That's it for now.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Saturday is Barry's birthday and we hope to begin celebrating that and Christmas beginning that day.

HEY DAD TRY THIS LINK BELOW

Google Translate AND GET BLOGGIN!!! ADIOS MOE
Maureen,
You are so clever with your spanish! Enjoy your snow storm. Keep it there.

Feliz Navidad, Dad.

Me encanta Cape Cod. Hasta pronto. Feliz Navidad.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Clothes now fit me

Since I lost about 20 lbs. with the surgery, I am now able to wear clothes that were shoved away in a closet. Once again jeans and a lot of suits now fit me. Also have updated my wardrobe to include underwear that are not old ladies' underwear! For some reason I had not thrown away all these clothes. Believe me, I don't think I would have lost the weight just by dieting. Took something major for me to lose the pounds.

I've been thinking of how I was feeling a week ago when I was at doctor's office. Crying due to the pain that wasn't subsiding. Worried about taking pain meds. And now, one week later I see such improvement. Not painfree, but less pain. I think when you've had such pain that anything less is comforting. And for the time there is no pain it gives me hope to know that some day I will be painfree all the day.

My next appts. are the first week of January. My goal is to return to my job the following week with the doctor's approvals. My bosses are welcoming me back part-time if needed. Not sure how I'll be feeling but I do know that it will be for the better.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Anyone else know spanish

At least someone out there knows what I am writing about. She either knows spanish or knows how to translate from spanish to english. I even got a call from my friend Lisa this a.m. She was able to pick out some key words like Barry and Tim..

Monday, December 17, 2007

Previous blog posting

I got a phone call from my father tonight. Left a message voicing a concern on the blog entry. He doesn't know that I posted the comment! Now he has to figure out the message to see what it's all about! Go Dad Go.

Un secreto en español

Era hace dos semanas que Barry trajo para arriba una idea. Él deseó saber si salió del país del dios para el día de fiesta era algo que estaría hasta hacer. Es debido a la destinación ese I dicho rápidamente sí a la sugerencia. He estado intentando guardarlo un secreto pero aquí soy una pista: ¡los mariscos fritos me suenan ciertamente buenos! Así pues, si usted sabe de lo que estoy hablando, felicitaciones en su español. No sé la fecha exacta de nuestra llegada pero será muy probablemente este fin de semana. Espero que haya sitio en el mesón y que los linos estarán agradables y limpios. Barry será el conductor principal, pero si tomamos el Exporer Tim podrá ayudar con conducir. No puedo esperar para dar y para recibir abrazos muy necesarios. Estoy alegre divulgar que cada día es un día mejor. Y qué podría ser una medicina mejor pero estando con mi familia.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Explaining pix

The bottom photo shows armpit area and the incision continues and is seen in the top photo. The middle photo shows my chest. Notice the difference in skin, so pale and without freckles. I continue to bandage the area where there is slight opening. This area is the spot that continues to cause me discomfort. The 12 hr release medication usually gives up at up 7 hrs. into it, so this is when I take what is called a break through pain med to hold me until the next 12 hr. release. Every day there is improvement. All I need to do is to look back and see how far I've come.

Pix taken today. Backside where skin was taken, front where it was moved to, and under arm area. Only about 1 inch of skin needs to be healed over.

 

 

 
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Friday, December 14, 2007

Food food and more food

Yesterday I went out to 2 different restaurants with friends of mine. Felt good being outside, and just being with them.

Last night was another night of sleeping without the pain. Don't like to say that too loud. Whenever I got up to use bathroom I would cautiously move. Being very protective. By morning it came back. As I tell people, it feels good to know that the pain can go away. That it's not permanently there. Just takes time.

I went out with my department for a Christmas luncheon. And I know how some people say this (including myself) but they had the best chicken parmigian! Even had a taste of the cheesecake. It was a local restaurant that I had never been to. One that we had tried to eat at but they were always full. Will definitely go back. We had a gift exchange which proved to be a lot of fun. Again, not to be repetitive but it felt good being with my friends.

I did take a nap this p.m. This is first Friday in months that Tim doesn't have band/football games to go to anymore. Feels funny having him home.

Well, that's it for now.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Christmas is around the corner and not one present bought. Haven't even done cards this year. Oh well, priorities have changed this year.

Some relief with pain, but it's back now.

Woke up this a.m. with the least pain ever in my right shoulder area. Was so pleased. Was so strange not to have all that pain. I treated it like a baby most of the day.

Tim and I did some errands after he got home from school. Mexican food and then he got his hair cut. By the time we were eating, the pain in my incision area had peaked for first time today. And of course, I had no meds with me. As soon as we got home I was able to take a break through pain relief. And now about to get into jammies. As I told Tim, I was at least less pain the majority of the day.

And yes, Moe. I did do short walk this a.m.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

PS. Did take one hr. at 7:30 p.m. Set the alarm. For me it was a very long day, but I did sleep less.

Update

I did go see primary dr. this a.m. as planned. Past month or so, I would sleep so good at night with ativan and antidepressant; wake up to get Tim off to school; and then go directly back to bed. But I wouldn't wake up until noon or sometimes 1 p.m. I'm smart enough to know this is not right, but also the brain would say other things. Each pain med I would take I would hate to take, but the pain still there. ALong with an occassional panic attack which I had never had in my life. Would come about if I got sad. Knew I had to do something. Anxiety/depression, 2 terrible things. Plus unlike what I had expected, company didn't show up to chat as often had been expected. Busy time of year, but perhaps people don't want to disturb me. But being a person that is a people person, this is not beneficial to the healing. But in talking with dr. Barry did tell him I had stopped breathing exercises, bad bad bad. Not changing pain med dosage right now. When there is still pain, not for me to worry about addiction. Lower ativan dosage at bed time (that you can get more addited to than pain med) and increase my antidepressant at bedtime. As for my aches and pains, remember what was done in the operating room. Remember how far you've traveled.

Barry's been wonderful through all this. He's Mr. Clean around here.

Tim slowly is picking up his slack with laundry details. And emptying dish washer when needed.

And am so thankful for friends who have been making meals for us during the week. A true lifsaver. don't know what I would have done with out that. My weight is down to 125 down.

Incisions are healing, just not as fast as I would want them to.



I have gone out for desserts a couple of times with friends, but I think that needs to be even more. Change of scenery, plus conversations.



Right after coming home from dr. office I had a couple of phone calls. Was invited to go out to lunch with a person at the college. SHe mush have had ESP. Another girl called and we'll plan something next week, after her sore throat goes away.



So my challenge is this. Look forward. COntinue with adjusted med dosages (and yes, they may need to be tweeked). And to stay away more during the day. Take what a nap should be, a smaller version timewise!



And like I've said before, just call me to get me out of the house. As my sister has told me, this blog is also my therapy.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Need to get off pain meds

even though I still have pain. Don't like the side effects at all. Very depressed and I feel like my chest is going to blowing up, anxiety. Have made appt. for 9 a.m to see family dr. Hate this feeling.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Wanted

Wanted: A phone call just to say hi, how are you feeling?
A phone call just to say hi, how about some icecream?
A phone call just to say "lunch".

Working for me was always a form of therapy, got my mind off of the disease. But now that I've been home, I sure do miss conversations. I have not driven since the surgery since I continue to be on pain meds.

A had a couple night gatherings with friends this week that went along the above lines. Just conversing to another takes your mind off of your pains. And a lunch date today. Does pick up your spirits a bit. Healing can be very frustrating.

99 percent of the time I am home and just resting/healing. The incision is slowly healing, perhap has about 1 1/2 inches of open space to close up. Coninue to have aches in my upper body, collar bone/shoulder area and of course where the skin was taken from. But each day is better. Will tave Tim take some recent pictures for my blog.

At this morning's weigh in I was down to 126 lbs. Lowest in more years than I can count. Actually took a pair of jeans out of closet that were headed to Goodwill.
My appetite is not as good as it has been. I think when you don't feel good, you don't eat as much. Nothing wrong with my sleeping.

Well, that's it for now. WE had our first snow this week, therefore I cross my fingers as Tim heads off to school in his car.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

nothing new to report

I'll be so happy when I write that the pain has gone away. Had not expected this at all. The area under my arm/armpit area continues to heal but very slowly. Raw skin attempting to close up from inside of body to outside. Talk about raw skin, outch. I have been blessed to have Patti help me change and make sure it's healing at an ok speed. Helps to have a set of eyes that know something medical. She did say it could be a long process just to have that skin seal up. Another area of continuous pain is shoulder blade area. Don't forget they broke my collar bone for surgery.

Barry's been so good taking care of me. Have been down in dumps a couple of times, thinking I should be better than I am. He reminds me of things that were broken in my chest area just to get rid of cancer.

As I've said before, my door is open for company. And if you know me, I will be honest if/when I get tired and need to rest. If and when I nap, I have cordless phone right beside me. Easier to pick up that way.

Well, off to bed. Night.