Just diagnosed with shingles (and they hurt!)

Will explain more later but now I know why I've been exhausted, and body hurting more than the "norm." On meds now, and told to take more pain pills. Contagious for about 5 days or so. No work for me this week. Therefore, I can't even see Tim in musical this week. That's the most upsetting to me right now.

Off to bed as sleep was not in my vocabulary past couple of nights.

CT/PET scans canceled for tomorrow due to this.

Update:

In looking back I was so exhausted last week. Began on about Wednesday. Didn't sleep well this weekend. Sometime during Saturday I noticed a couple of red marks on my left shoulder. Showed Barry them. They were sore to touch. Didn't do much the rest of the day.

Turned clocks ahead Saturday night. Still wasn't feeling good. Not getting good sleep at all. Body more sore than normal. Didn't even make it to church on Sunday, that was unusual. Was scheduled to have picture taken for being eucharistic minister. A bad night for sleeping. Just tossed and turned. Didn't accomplish anything on Sunday. Continued to feel sore.

Last night was another restless night. Went to bed with 3 different type pillows, trying to get comfortable. Left shoulder and back were very sore. No position felt good. Noticed that when I touched the area of the red marks and area on my back, that both areas were still sore. I knew I was seeing radiation/oncologist today so felt good about that. Today was my last scheduled radiation treatment. Took camera with me again. When I got there, the receptionist handed me a shamrock good luck plant that Cookie had bought for me. She's my friend who I met who is being treated for vocal chord cancer. She had heard my appt. was moved to 8 a.m. today and wanted to give me a gift. She left the nicest note on the plant for me. (Did call her tonight to fill her in and to thank her.)

As soon as doctor saw me he said it appeared to be shingles. In just a short time the spots had changed dramatically. I had not seen that they had multiplied. Mostly on my shoulder/chest/neck area. Also sent me to see primary dr. and I was given meds for the shingles.

As I type the shingles are very very sore. Very very itchy. Have taken benadryl and even that doesn't help the itch. The pain goes deep under my skin.

That's it for now cause I'm not feeling good. Can't wait to see what tonight brings me! Not fun at all.

Our 28th Anniversary today

The snow storm started yesterday and is basically still going. A cold 20 degrees as I type this. The main storm started at about noon yesterday as I was getting my radiation treatment. And by 2 p.m. we got an email at work saying that the College would be closing at 3:30 p.m. due to inclement weather. That never happens. And as we left to go home, the roads were very bad. Just seemed that the trucks couldn't keep up with the storm. Shortly after I got home and safely into the house, Tim arrived home from school. That was a relief to me. A friend eventually came over to sleep at our house as his home is not in this town, a distance away. His parents told him to find a place to sleep and to stay put. So this is where he stayed. And it worked out great. He became Tim's buddy as they shoveled the driveway and deck.
Barry had gone in to work to cover for someone, but did get home later on in the evening. This was not the night to travel.

By morning, the snow was done but the drizzle came making for some icy conditions. Especially on walkways. Tim and his friend Joey went to the musical practice for most of the day. I headed out carefully to get some much needed groceries. Even the main roads were a mess. I was so glad to get home, where I have been ever since.

I took a nap in the afternoon. I've been experiencing different/newer pains this past week. Having trouble with just taking a deep breath. Plus my left shoulder area is hurting now. I'm so tired of having pain. Not a day goes by that I don't have some kind of pain. Painkillers have never taken the pain totally away. Hey, I truly know how lucky I am to be alive but I can still explain how I'm feeling. If not for me, but for others. I'm looking forward to the CT/PET scans that will be done this coming Tuesday. Once you've had cancer, any ache you have could eventuallly be something else.

Tim also took a nap later in the afternoon after his practice ended at 3:30 p.m. The snow has returned and it is a wintery night. Have heard it will be that way all night. Very windy. I don't think the driveway will be shoveled until the a.m. This time it will just be Tim.

And yes, today is our 28th anniversary. Unfortunately the weather has made us change our plans. We were going to go out for dinner tonight, but considering the weather we chose to delay it a week. Not worth getting into an accident. Tim also chose to stay home rather than go out with his friends.

Well, just starting to do my taxes. Hate this time of year....

Pooped out - Day 11 of radiation

It started yesterday, the feeling of having no energy. I've had that same feeling when I had radiation 3 years ago. That's the good thing of keeping this blog. I can look back and see what was happening in the past. It was about my 15th treatment that this feeling of fatigue hit me back then. That's about the main side effect of radiation. I write this, not to complain, but to educate others who might at some time go through this. Just the other day I was talking to "Cookie" as we waited our turn for radiation. She has cancer of the vocal chords I believe. Had just began to feel tired and asked me about it. I explained to her what I had gone through previously. Just going through this you get to meet so many wonderful people. You can always strike up a conversation whether it's in the waiting room or after you are in the gown waiting for you turn for the radiation.

When the alarm rang this a.m., it took so much of me just to get out of bed. Was so tempted just to stay home and sleep. It's so hard to explain this feeling of being tired/fatigued. Different feeling than ever before. All day I counted down until I knew that by 5 p.m. I was going to be in my jammies, phone off the hook, and was able just to sleep for as long as I could. That ended up being 3 hrs. But like before, it's so difficult to get the 'umph back, the energy level back. But as I was told 3 years ago I'm doing quite a lot with working full-time and going through these treatments. People are often amazed when I tell them I am on my lunch break for my treatment, and that I'm rushing back so as not to be late. It's no wonder that I am pooped. I also was out Monday for my birthday, Tuesday for Tim's band banquet and last night for Tim's chorus concert.

Today's session was a bit different. Yesterday I had a couple of x-rays taken, normal for a Wednesday. Today I was told that the doctor had ordered some more to be taken today in order to make "an adjustment." For 45 minutes I lay still while about 8 x-rays were taken of my chest area. Then my chest was once again marked up to show the spot to be radiated. I was then given my treatment. Not sure what to make of these additional x-rays.

As I left, Dena (not sure of spelling) asked me for my blog address. She's the technician that took the digital pictures of me yesterday. She asked if I posted every day, to which I said usually. I told her that today's post would have to do with the reasoning of additional x-rays and what "an adjustment" truly meant. Only time will tell. I hope that she does explore my blog and perhaps leave a comment to know she's out there.

So, another day is done (finally). Next Monday will be last known radiation for me. The PET/CT scans being done on Tueday, March 11 will determine what the future holds for me. Keeping fingers/toes crossed, and yes- saying a prayer also.

Two of these pictures show the bigness of the radiation machine. A bit blurry, but I'll take camera with me another day.

 

 

 

 

More pictures

 

 

 

 

I am monitored outside of the radiation area.

 

 

 

 

A little sampling of a radiation treatment

 

 

 

 

More than a Happy Birthday for me.

You know, you just can't beat this birthday. It's not just one day, it's many days.
I love birthdays, which to many would seem not the case.

After I had my radiation treatment today, as I was leaving the room where it's done, the whole staff greeted me by singing Happy Birthday. And I do mean the whole staff.
Talk about kindness and caring, this is what life should be all about.

When I got back to work, I cooked up hot dogs for the office. My birthday treat for my friends who are my co-workers. Usually people bake for their birthday, but since I'm not a baker I thought of this. I think everyone enjoyed themselves.

This morning my friend Lisa emailed me about taking me out for my birthday dinner after work today. We ended up meeting her husband at the Country Club where they are members. This was truly an experience that will also live on in my memory. The decor was gorgeous and the food was delicious. A real treat and a wonderful way to end my birthday.

I'm truly blessed! There is no better place to be than right here, right now.

Thanks.

They've had enough to eat. Now they are leaving. We love watching them.

 
 
 

A bit off focus, but you can see how close they come to us.

 

Turkeys in our backyard. Notice how close they are to our deck.

 

Flowers from my sister, and an updated picture of yours truly. Love my new haircut. Heah, no blinking!

 

A nice pre-birthday weekend...

Last night we went out to dinner with some friends, all arranged by Becky. I call her a natural event organizer. This was all arranged in less than a day. She knew my birthday was tomorrow so she just made some calls and voila, a party was created. We went out for Mexican food. The staff was told it was my birthday so I was presented fried ice cream and everyone sang Happy Birthday to me. I also got to wear a huge colorful sombrero. My picture was taken by many cellphones, just have to figure out how to get a picture on my blog. It was a great evening.

This a.m. Tim and I once again went to church with Lisa and her family. Even though I served last night at our Catholic church I felt something inside to go again to their Baptist church. For now, as my life is, I've been getting something out of this church. Uplifting music, friendship and an understanding of "the message" as it is called. We often leave our church not "getting" what the homily is all about. We were used to such a more contemporary church when we lived on Long Island, a church that would often sing songs like "Awesome God." But here the congregation is different. No clapping of hands or songs that are contemporary. As I've said, I need that. So far now, I'm keeping an open mind. I think the most important thing is to Believe in God, no matter what. Who knows, perhaps I'll also check out the local Presbyterian church. Time will tell.

Tim and I went to the movies this afternoon. Heck I don't know the last time we did that. Large popcorn and large Pepsi. We saw Vantage Point. It was a pretty good movie. Was nice just to spend the time with Tim. That doesn't happen enough. He's usually going to the movies with a buddy, not with his mom. Was a nice present for me (even if I did pay the way!)

So tomorrow is my actual birthday. Yes I'll be 52 years young. Ever since being diagnosed with original cancer 3 years ago, I really do enjoy birthdays even more than I did previously. Never shy in telling people it's my special day!

Thanks to all for making this an even more special birthday.

Another "special" day for me

This afternoon at work I had flowers delivered to me from my sister Maureen. As she has told me, they were not for my birthday (PS, which is Monday). They were a "just because" bouquet of daisies and carnations.

Then I went to get my hair cut after work, and I was presented with a gift card for a hair cut from her. That was my birthday gift. She had to do some detective work to have these two things occur so nicely. Had to call the College last week for the department and address of where I work, and had to email Barry for the location of where I get my hair/nails done. Heck, I never knew that Barry knew where that was! I guess he does pay attention..

So, here's to another special day for me.

THANKS

Mammogram is fine!

Yeah, a test came back fine. I'm pretty pleased about that.

I got to the hospital early since I wasn't sure how traveling would be with the weather. My appt. was at 3:00 p.m. and I think I was done there by that time. They use the new digital mammogram, first time I've had that done. So within minutes the results are done, and much more accurate than the analog mammos.

I then went up a floor to meet with Dr. B. who heads the Magee Breast Cancer Center.
It must have been my special day, because I just had taken my coat off and my name was called. I only had to wait about 5 minutes after having my vitals taken before the doctor came into the room. Now that is a miracle in itself. God was truly on my side today!

The plan is this: after my CT/PET scan on March 11th, I will contact Dr. B for the results. And from there he will help me with any treatment plan that is needed. You can't beat having a Pittsburgh doctor on your side. I will also be seeing the local oncologist here. Am sure if need be, the 2 doctors will put their heads together if there is a need.

Again, a great day as far as testing goes. And the mammo is done for another year.

Have you had your mammo lately?

Tomorrow-mammo and consulation at Magee

I will work a few hours in a.m., and then go have my 4th radiation treatment. Then I will be heading to Pittsburgh for my yearly mammogram appt., followed by a consultation with the doctor who heads the breast cancer care center at Magee Hospital. He's asked me to bring all my records/mammos since being diagnosed in March 2005. The mammogram is at 3 p.m. I'm not looking forward to the drive as out of the blue the weather prediction has gone from a rainy day to a sleet/rain/snow day. Yuck. Not my kind of driving day.

X marks the spot where the cancer is being radiated. The purple line next to it is marking where my port is. As you can see, the port extends out.

 

This Nike Breast Cancer shirt was a gift from BJ and some girl friends. I love the colors. Wore it to church last week to brighten up the day.

 

This is a plant that the President of the College sent to me on behalf of he and his wife, and the College family. I'm blessed to be working there.

 

 

First radiation treatment done....

For lunch I had a few minutes of radiation...along with an egg salad sandwich. Can't beat that combination, can you? You know you're in the right place for radiation when signs are all about you stating "CAUTION RADIATION." Very comforting. It was like old times as I lay down in a dark room, with a massive machine hovering over me, radiating my chest. For most of the time I just counted numbers to pass the time. You don't feel anything but you certainly do know what is happening to your body. You are totally alone as the technicians leave the room and the radiation begins. This is when you have lots of time to think, if only for the few minutes it takes.

11 more treatments to go and then I'll be having another CT/PET scan at Hillman Cancer Center. I honestly think I'll be getting more treatments since 3 years ago I had about 35 sessions and that was just as a "precaution." 12 just seems too few in my opinion. But perhaps these treatments are giving out more radiation.

Our Relay for Life News..........

This is the email that I got last week from a student at the College about the April 12th Relay for Life:


Message: Hello, My name is Taylor -. I am the head chair for Westminster's Relay for life this year. Through a grapevine of people I heard about you and your husband's battle with cancer. I am sure you know about Relay for Life and what we stand for and hope to accomplish. The reason I am e-mailing you is that we at Relay for life would be honored if you and your husband would cut the ceremonial ribbon for this years Relay for Life. This year's Relay is on April 12. I hope you and your husband will consider doing this for us. If you have any questions or would like to talk to me in person please e-mail me and let me know. Thank you, Taylor -

(last name omitted due to privacy)

I was so honored to be asked to cut the ceremonial ribbon. Barry and I have agreed to be a part of this special event.

I am a bit disappointed that Tim will not be able to attend the Relay since he will be away on a spring band trip to Tenn. It will certainly be different without him walking with us.

First radiation appt. is tomorrow!

After two preliminary appts. I am scheduled to have my first dose of radiation tomorrow at 11:30 a.m. All the appts. will be that same time, Monday through Friday. Always have the weekend off. Yeah. The time works for me since I can incorporate having radiation to be part of my lunch hour. Talk about fun! I'm looking forward to going back to work with a certain "glow" about me. My chest is marked up quite nicely, as if a child decided to draw on it with a permanent marker.
Today's appt. consisted of laying on the table for about 40 minutes, unable to move an inch, and having films made as the machine would circle my body from side to side.
Don't worry, you know me: I'll eventually take pictures of the process. Bob and Ursula were the technicians today. By the time I got off of the hard table, my collar bone area was hurting so bad from the positioning of my arms to be over my head. It seems that I'll be having pain for awhile. Just a normal work day is painful to me by about noontime. Don't get me wrong. I'm not whining but just explaining how I feel.

So, that's it for now. A new journey begins tomorrow.....

PS. Yeah for my sister Maureen as she had her mammogram done today and everything is fine. Just because of me my sisters are now at high risk. Good news, Moe!

Getting set for some radiation

For the first time in years, the college where I work said that non-essential workers did not have to work today due to inclement weather. This is where it's great to be classified as non-essential. I'll take that adjective anyday. So I got a snow day along with Tim. I went back to bed and didn't wake up until 1 p.m.! And I have to say that this was about the best sleep I've had in a long time.

Barry had gone out for KFC while Tim did the shoveling.

I met with Dr. Proctor, my new radiation oncologist, yesterday morning. After a lengthy appointment it was decided that I would be given 12 "rounds" of radiation on the tumor. The tumor is located near my left breast (opposite the original cancer), just beside where my port is. Radiation is given to patients on a Monday-Friday schedule so one week would equal 5 rounds. It is also given at the same time of day, each day. Consistency is very important.

Tomorrow a.m. I will go back to cancer center to be "marked" for the radiation. I've been through this in 2005 so am familiar with the process. A CT scan is done to locate the tumor, and the doctor will make permanent markings on my chest and back so that radiation will be targeted at the precise spot. To this day I still can see the magic marker dots on my body from the last time. Dr. Christie, my surgeon, has already inserted a marker in the tumor that will help the doctor greatly in locating the tumor. I've been told that the appointment will be about an hour.

I'm not sure when radiation will start as there are a couple other steps that will need to be done. But compared to about 25 rounds of radiation last time, this is minimal. Just hope that some shrinkage comes from these treatments.

I do feel better than I did upon hearing the news the other day. You can't stay down, you have to keep going. A co-worker asked me the day I got the news how working fit into my life with cancer. I told her that for sure working is the best medicine for me. Keeps my mind focused on other things besides myself. And being in such a caring community is so beneficial. I don't know how anyone could go through an illness without the love and support of others around. I continue to be blessed and will continue to be positive. (PS. Doesn't mean I can't shed a tear, here or there.)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy 17 Birthday TIM and Happy Birthday MOM

Tomorrow is their birthday. Let's wish them a Happy Birthday!

Biopsy shows positive for cancer

I've heard those words twice before today, but today's words have just hit me like a brick. Perhaps since I'm still recovering from the extensive surgery from November. You can never get used to the words. I cry today not for myself but for Timmy. No kid needs to have his parents, both of them, go through this shit. And I mean that. I do know that he too is a survivor, but he's also my son. Just a bad day. What else can I say.

Tomorrow this darkness will go away.

Thanks for your continued prayers.

CANCER SUCKS

Rest rest rest

It's been a weekend of being in bed for this family. Barry and Tim were sick last week with bug like symptoms, achey bones/chills/fever. Tim missed some school time.
Barry was out of work anyway recovering from his chemo treatment. Not the best timing for him. Bad enough to have cancer, but to also have this crap is not fun. Barry heads back to work today, and I know he'll be anxious to get home and into bed.

Friday evening I came down with a wicked stomach ache (sort of like when I had kidney stone). Becky had just brought over a huge cheesecake for us. I had to run off on her it was so bad. I was a poor hostess. I was in bed very early that night.

Yesterday a.m., I woke up with achey legs and a fever of 101 degrees. I took some tylenol and went back to bed. By 3 p.m. I felt better. Don't know what that was all about, but am glad it did subside. Let's hope it stays away.

And as for today, I've taken it easy again. Very high winds with snow showers this a.m. Right now it's 6 degrees and wind continues to blow strong. I had such a nice surprise this p.m. while I was resting. BJ brought over some homemade soup, brownies, chocolate covered pretzels and a hyacinth plant on behalf of her and some of my good friends. I think my friends want to fatten me up! They know how much I love chocolate.

Tomorrow I head back to work full-time. Actually I've been working about 6 hrs. a day anyway. Don't know how it will be until you do it.

Tuesday I've been scheduled to meet with new radiation/oncologist. Have no biopsy results yet but this appointment has been made in order to be proactive. If in fact this new area is cancer, we know that it is aggressive and we can't just sit around. Radiation will probably be the route we take.

Happy 55th Birthday, Maureen...

That's it. Let's all wish my sister a happy birthday, and welcome back to the work force TOMORROW.

A very long day in the city..

Of all days, Tim woke up after a night of not feeling well with a high temp of 102. Gave him ibuprofen that has helped in the past. I called our friend Lisa to bring over some ginger ale for him, and also told her that I would give Tim her work number in case he needed anything. He slept until 1 p.m. Fever has dropped but is still just laying down as of this writing.

The biopsy was right on time. A CT scan is done so that the doctor will know where the area is that needs to be biopsied. Then the area is marked. The area is numbed by some medicine and a fine needle was inserted into the tissue involved. There was some pushing involved due to the needle hitting the mesh from the November surgery.
Eventually the needle was deep enough to get a sample. This was shown to be the case since I was once again put under the CT scan for pictures. The doctors immediately took the tissue and had it examined. This took about 10 minutes, a long 10 minutes. I was sweating and unable to move, even my hands. Felt as if I was going to throw up. Nerves. The technician told me to take deep breaths which did help. Dr. Christie came back and said there was enough tissue and that the preliminary findings show the characteristics of cancer. Not surprised. I do understand that these are just the early findings and that more tests will be done. He then inserted what are called markers into this same area just in case I have the cyberknife radiation. But remember this: in October 2007 my insurance company denied this procedure due to primarily approved for brain cancer, not breast cancer. Dr. Christie was going to consult with head of radiology this p.m. to go over this with him. Has mentioned that if cancer, would apply to insurance company and then appeal strongly.

The whole procedure took less than 1 hr. Got back to my room and boy did my back/shoulder area hurt on side of biopsy. Immediately was given pain meds. I got discharged at 3 p.m.

A very long day for both of us. Had to pay some bills and am just now heading to put jammies on. My brain is tired and my body needs a good nights sleep. If only...

PS. It's pretty bad when you know a hospital inside and out. But am thankful for living so close to such good hospitals.

PSS. My dad's home from hospital. Yeah.

PSSS. Discharge papers wrote: avoid sexual activity today. Now that's funny!

Dad still in hospital

Well, my dad is still in hospital. They haven't diagnosed his problem yet. Have taken lots of blood and tests. And do you believe they are mentioning discharging him tomorrow? Good ole insurance companies. If they can't find out what's wrong with you after 3 days, you're out... Today he's going through the chills, wearing his sweat pants and having room temperature as high as the tropics. Terrible feeling. Have heard from his friend that has been visiting him that he does look a bit better colorwise tonight.

Tomorrow I head back to Pittsburgh for a CT scan guided needle biopsy. Have to be there at 10 a.m. for a noon procedure. Am glad that it's not the usual 6 a.m. time.
That hour is yucky. Won't have results for at least 7 days.

Tim's still not feeling good today. Flu like symptoms. Did go to school for 1/2 day which actually surprised me. His choice. Tough like his parents. And I'm taking vitamin c's to be proactive in not getting sick. Just need to make it through tomorrow's biopsy. Eyes are a bit sore but can't think about getting sick now.

Dad admitted to hospital today...

My father had been feeling sick/crappy all week. My sister Maureen went to the Cape just to make sure he was OK. Upon getting there Friday night, he had thrown up his dinner. She got him to eat some jello and toast. Took care of my mom by washing her hair and doing her nails. Next a.m. (Sat.) she went back. Dad was dressed and seemed better. She took my mother for few hrs. to give dad some relief. At 1 p.m. she got back to their house and he was worse. Called their friend to come sit with mom, and took Dad to ER. Was there for about 4 hrs. on IV. Blood work OK. They changed his anti nausea med to be less sedative. Got home at about 5:30 p.m.

My sister was supposed to return to work today after having her drive-by hysterectomy but had to call out due to dad's health.

This a.m. she went back to see how he was doing and he wasn't any better, was very dizzy. So it's been a repeat of yesterday and they are back at hospital now.



It's tough to be sick, any age. Today my brother will be going to the Cape to stay overnight there.

It's during these times I wish I lived closer to be able to help them.


Updated blog 10:35 PM

My father ended up being admitted to hospital this a.m. onto the cardiac floor. While in ER his heart did something called "flutter" so that will be monitored. I did talk to him tonight and of course he's still not himself. Am glad that he was able to watch the Patriots (but I do know he would have loved them to win). At least he's in the hospital finally getting the care that he needs. As for my mother, my sister has brought her to my brother's house to stay there tomorrow on his day off. He's a chef/owner of restaurant so works tons of hours. Already worked about 100 hrs. this week. I think my sister is due back to work this Thursday, so it'll be up in the air who will take care of my mother if dad is still in hospital. I can only pray that eventually a plan is set up for such emergency situations: such as an "adult sitter." There's got to be such a person who could watch and keep my mom company.

Tim's come down with fever at about 5 p.m. today, along with aches/chills. But watched TV with me tonight.

CT Scan Results are in

Yesterday I met for the first time my new oncologist. Very nice woman. She didn't know what to expect upon entering the room to meet me as she had my recent surgery papers in hand. But she was pleasantly pleased with what she saw. Saw no need for chemo or radiation according to surgeon's report from 11/1/07. Especially after all that I had been through. As they were making a mammogram appt. for me, she was able to pull up the results of the CT scan from this past Friday. She then brought me back into the room to go over them. Here's a summary of the findings:

Lung windows demonstrate scattered 3 mm pulmonary nodules, some of which are new since previous scan of Oct 2007, suspicious for metastatic disease.

There is a small soft tissue density measuring 2.2 X 1.7 cm at the left 2nd costosternal junction, which might represent residual tumor or scar tissue.

Evaluation of the liver demonstrates a nonspecific 3 mm lesion in segment 7.

--------------------

She has scheduled a CT scan to be done in 6 weeks rather than the usual 3 months, to check on the nodules in the lungs. Both lungs have them.


Today, Oct. 30th, I met with surgeon in Pittsburgh Dr. Christie to go over the same CT scan results. He was the physician who had ordered the tests for me. It had been 3 months since my last scans. He agreed that the scan should be done in 6 weeks. But his main concern is the tissue that appears to be in same area as cancer was. He has immediately ordered me to have a needle guided biopsy/CT Scan guided on next Tuesday. He will be peforming this for me, with pathologists working by his side to verify that enough tissue is being taken for a good sampling. Believe me, I had no feelings that anything would show up on this test. Especially since I'm still healing from the surgery. Lots of things going on in my mind right now. But one day at a time, one test at a time, and if needed a nice dessert treat in between!
Test results take a week. Main thing is to get the tests done.

As each test comes and goes, I wonder when "enough is enough." Don't get me wrong, I'm delighted to be here typing away. But talk about an emotional roller coaster.
Geez, I don't think I'll ever make employee of the month with perfect attendance!

Friday's happenings...

Barry and I got to the hospital as planned at 6 a.m. Boy was it cold with the temp at about 5 degrees. At about 9 a.m. I left Barry to go to Hillman Cancer Center for my CT scans for chest and abdomin, which included drinking 2 containers of the terrible contrast. Took all I could just to do that. No matter what flavor they give you, to me it tastes terrible. Barry just chugs it down when he does his tests.
I finished those tests at about 12 noon just in time for a quick cup of soup in their cafe. Then I was off to see my plastic surgeon for a 12:45 p.m. appt. This appt. is always quick, no waiting involved. Everything is healing nicely and I don't have to have any further follow ups with him. One down.

Earlier in a.m. I got news that there was a room available for me at the Family House. This facilitly is about 11 blocks from the hospital. I immediately went over there, got a precious parking spot behind their building and checked in to my room. By 2 p.m. I was under the covers just to rest my body/brain and to get warmed up. At both previous hospitals I was never able to get warmed up, even with donated blankets.

I took the shuttle bus back to the hospital and got there by 4:30 p.m. Barry had got to the room at about 3:30 p.m. He was in the worst agony. Felt as if a truck was sitting on his chest. First time ever he was using swear words which is not like him at all. Not only was he suffering, he was not able to get off of his back due to the chemo procedure. Morphine was not helping which was usual. I quickly jumped in to be his pain management advocate. Toradol took forever to get up from the pharmacy. Followed by more morphine. It's a terrible, hopeless feeling to watch someone you love be in such pain. Only thing I could do was to hold his hand and occassionally rub his feet. By 6 p.m. he was able to finally fall asleep for a short while. To hear his slight snoring was a God sent noise.

Dinner came, but of course he wasn't up to eating. So I enjoyed bits and pieces of it. I stayed until 8 p.m. Since he was finally sleeping some I thought it was a good time to leave. He told me the next day that it wasn't until midnight that he felt better.

I took the shuttle back to the Family House and I was under the covers by 8:30 p.m. I had such a feeling of comfort just knowing he was finally sleeping and that I didn't have to drive home that evening. These housing units are so clean and the people are so caring. So many stories are shared by the people openly. One lady's husband has been in hospital for 3 months with transplant issues. Another 21 year old girl has virus and it was 3 years ago she had heart transplant. And you can't beat the price of a room. A single cost only $30. I just can't explain the warmth I feel when I go in to the room on a day Barry has his treatment. A long day for both of us.

Yesterday I got to the hospital by 9 a.m. and was able to speak briefly to his oncologist. By that time Barry was feeling so much better. So thankful for that. His doctor also wanted to see my surgical site and to show his resident. He said that we've been through a lot for a couple. I agree.

Barry did rest most of the day yesterday, and continues to do the same this a.m.
After church last night, I made homemade chicken noodle soup with cheese tortellinis.
A good day for that.

And here it is Sunday. Tuesday I meet with new oncologist Dr. Simon, and Wednesday I head back to Pittsburgh to meet with surgeon Dr. Christie to go over the CT scan results. I will also be discussing the continuous pain I've been having in right clavicle area from arm movement. I've been having to take more pain meds the past couple of days. But was told over the phone last week from his nurse that it probably is just the healing process, but the CT scans will put it all together.
As for saying I don't have cancer, I will never say that. As a good friend of mine told me (JK), just say "so far, so good."

Thanks for all your continued prayers and support.

PS. Today is going to be "clean the house day" for Tim. He doesn't know that yet. With both Barry and I unable to do lifting and so forth, Tim will be a great help.
(not sure if he will think that, though!) One thing that will change this cycle for Barry, he won't have to take care of the house and me like he did in November. He can deal with his own healing.

Barry's most painful treatment in 2 years

Need I say anything else. Will update later, after I take a nap. Am glad he's home and resting now.

This was me about 12 weeks ago. I'll post updated picture in a few days. I'm so much better now, thank God.

 

Another chemoembolization for Barry tomorrow

Yes, it's been 12 weeks since his last treatment. Unlike last one on Nov. 2, I'll be able to go with him. I wasn't able to last time because I was also having the breast cancer removed at same time. My, time flies when you're having fun. I am multi tasking while he's having his chemo. I have CT scans being done at cancer center, along with a follow up meeting with my plastic surgeon. So I'll be kept busy which is good. If there is a room available at the Family House I will also be staying in the city.

Next week I'll be seeing new oncologist, along with a return trip back into the city to see surgeon to go over CT scan results. Fingers are always crossed for test results. By noontime at my job I feel the aches of the clavicle area where I believe they broke it for the surgery. This will be addressed next week by the surgeon. Have heard it just needs to heal. Am sort of getting used to heavy feeling in my chest from the plate. Usually I just come home and take a nap after taking some medicine for it. But looking at the big picture I'm so much better.

So, am looking to hear that Barry's CT scans from last week show no growth, status quo. That'll be discussed before his treatment. As Moe would say, "adios." (PS She returns to her job Feb 3. Doing great.)

ONE down, ONE to go!

Without any pain at all, I just passed and collected my first kidney stone! Almost wasn't going to strain the urine but I did. And boy was I glad I did. There it was. Clear as can be, the stone. Hard to believe that it had caused so much discomfort these past few days. Will bring it to doctor tomorrow for it to be examined. That way they can possibly figure out the makings of it.

Geez. I've always said my life is an open book. This proves it. I won't take any pix even though there is a bit of temptation...

One more to go. Hopefully as easy as this was. Compared to cancer, no comparison.

A good nite's sleep

Actually had a good nite's sleep. Off to work shortly. Will work about 1/2 day.
Only issue I have (which considering the whole scheme of life ain't bad) is to figure out how to pee privately and screen for stones!

PS

Meaning of love: taking your wife to the hospital during the NFC championship on your night off. Thanks, Barry.

Kidney stone plus 1 on way

Just a quickie. This evening was spent in ER since I had what was my 3rd episode of bad abdominal pain. Besides this a.m. at 3:30 a.m. and most recent was at about 6:30 p.m. tonight. Tonights was so bad that I couldn't take it, asked Barry to take me to hospital. Had urine test, abdomen CT scan and chest x-ray that showed blood in urine and two kidney stones. One that has been causing the past 3 episodes and the other hasn't bothered me yet! They gave me a shot of toradol (not sure of spelling). Due to the size being only 3 mm I did not have to stay in hospital. I have to screen my urine to "catch" the stone which will appear to look like pepper or rice. Very small but causes so much pain. Have to call my doctor in a.m. and probably follow up with urologist. I have to drink water which I admit I am not good doing so.

Pooped now so hopefully heading to bed, not knowing what will happen.

Work

It was nice seeing everyone today at my job after I had my dr. appt. So many people emailed me to welcome me back. Nice. But I did what I said I would not do, I worked too long. Only was able to work 3 1/2 hrs. and that was too much right now. Am paying for it now. I only wish I had known that it was too much. Doctor knows that even though I'm off narcotic meds I'm still in pain, so he did prescribe another pain med instead. Only problem was I didn't fill it until after I had worked those hours. And as you know, it's very important to stay ahead of the pain.

Went right to bed but was unable to get comfortable at all as pain was too much. Not able to sleep or stop the pain. For some reason even my legs ache as if I was getting the flu. Took a bath this evening but still achy. Tim got us heros in town for dinner so that worked out great.

So tomorrow I'll head in to work being smarter than I was today. Work less hours and do as others have told me, take it easy. Smooth your way in to the job.

And as always with my blog, I write honestly of how I feel. Thanks.


Update 10 p.m.
Pain has subsided to the point it had been at. Am thankful for that and the meds.

A renewed life

Tomorrow I have an appt. with my primary dr. at 9:30 a.m. Since I saw him on the 3rd, I've been weaning myself off of the narcotic pain med. He had given me a schedule which I followed and tonight I will be taking the last 20 mg. of the med.
Going back to work no way means that I'm pain free. I don't even know when or if that will ever happen. By mid afternoon my chest becomes so heavy and uncomfortable prompting me to take a couple alleves. So come tomorrow I don't know what to expect with the amount of pain that I could get. Time will tell. Plus I'm hoping that returning to work will take my mind off of the existing pain I still feel.

I still have a few dr. appts. this month and I'll also be having a CT scan on my chest/abdomin as it is coming up to 3 months. Boy does time fly when you're having fun. (I wish) I was showing Barry the scar today and he didn't realize that it was only a week and a day since I had the last surgery. You know, considering that, I'm doing pretty good!

And after my appt., I head directly to work for 1/2 day hours to start. Of all things, I know to watch what I can and can not do. It works both ways, I'm looking forward to seeing my co-workers and they are looking forward to seeing me. Wish me luck.

Back to work Wednesday

I see my primary doctor Wednesday a.m. and will get my return back to work note. Then I am heading right to my job. Can't wait to be back among the living. Will start off part time and go from there. I'm pretty excited after just calling my boss about it. As I've said in the past, work has and is the best therapy.

I slept OK last night. At one point I had slept 3 hrs. straight. That felt good.
Didn't get to bed until late and did manage to stay up once Tim went off to school. Even though my bed was calling me, I ignored its voice. I was trying to justify that I had gone to bed late and therefore I needed to sleep more. Wrong. That's when I realized that Tim just went to school and we both went to bed same time!
And do you know something, I actually feel the best today than I have felt in a long time.

Even organized and will file about 3 months worth of paperwork/bills this a.m. Lots
of junk to file away.

So if you ask me how I'm doing, I'll say "looking forward to going back to work.!"

I'm dreaming of a good night's sleep

Don't know why, but I feel my days and nights are somewhat switched. Or maybe I'm more tired than not. For the past 10 days or so I've successfully been reducing the amount of pain meds I had been on. Within next couple of days it should be down to zero. Been doing ok with that. When needed I take alleve. I toss and turn when I go to bed at about midnight (lately), and last night I had attempted to reduce my anxiety med by 1/2 to see if I would sleep better. By 3 a.m. I was up and down, wide awake. So then I took the other 1/2 of pill and by a.m. I'm still in bed at 11. Each morning when I wake up my chest is so stiff from plate. Able to only sleep on my back or a bit on my right side shoulder. But that shoulder doesn't last long and I'm back to tossing around. I hate the feeling of being so tired in a.m. from not sleeping good at night. My body and meds are just a bit messed up I guess.

And here it is 2 p.m. and I'm already thinking of going to bed. Yes, I know I should be out there getting fresh air but my brain is telling me otherwise. Body's been through a lot, and perhaps it's because I'm reducing the pain meds and just a combination of the past few months activities. Don't know.

The power of prayer

Don't ask me why, but this week I did not even think of biopsy results. Usually you would say the worst thing is the wait but I was pretty calm all week. Wasn't until I talked to my sister last night that I realized 5 days was today. Am so thankful that God gave me this calm feeling. As I told the nurse today when she was checking for results, you can tell me whatever the results show. Good or bad. I can handle it. I'm also so thankful for everyone's prayers and words of comfort these past months. The power of prayer.

I'm also grateful for this doctor to have noticed this area in question. With my history it certainly is better to be cautious than to turn your head.

PS. I think I got a bonus from plastic surgeon on Monday. My neck looks tighter, perhaps that skin was pulled a bit to stitch up the area of the biopsy. Geez, a free facelift! Can't beat that.

Next Tuesday I will meet with new oncologist.

TEST RESULTS- NEGATIVE

That says it all. NEGATIVE for cancer.

Reducing pain meds

I'm doing really good weaning myself off of the oxycodone pain meds. I started the schedule that my doctor gave me last Friday by slowly reducing the daily dosages. And as of today I am now taking 50% of the dosage I had been taking since surgery in November. And when the pain starts to show up mid afternoon, I am taking over the counter meds. Scale of 1-10 I would say it's about a 3.

Will be calling the plastic surgeon in a.m. Hard to believe that tomorrow will be 5 days since the biopsy. Am hoping they have the results to give me. Don't ask me why, but I have not thought much about the results. I do know waiting is the worst but for some reason I've been calm this week. Must be getting used to waiting..
Can't wait to go back to work. I even had my neighbor who also works at the college call me this p.m. She has offered to drive me if needed when I return to work, which will probably be in a part time status until I get my body used to it. I thought that was a very nice offer.

Last night Tim made a batch of home made chocolate chip cookies for one of his class food parties which are held weekly on Thursdays. I on the other hand made the tear apart kind, took the easy way out. But his classmates frown upon taking the easy way out so he took it upon himself to do it the good ole way. Did it himself, even cleaned up afterwards. I was quite impressed.

Then he comes home from school today and announces that when he returned to his locker from lunch, the cookies were GONE. Earlier he had given a couple to his friends. Guess word got out. Don't know why, but this really upset me. So therefore he had nothing to bring to his class party. He has heard of a few involved but will not confront them. Too good of a kid. Even he couldn't believe that classmates would do this to him. Heck, all they would have to do was to ask for some next time he baked them. If they steal cookies, what else will they steal?

My sister's doing pretty good. Says she is still sore and I said to her "no shit."
You've had major surgery. That made her laugh. And I said that it had only been 4 days and not to worry. Just rest as you tell others to do.

Doing pretty good

I spoke to Moe today and she was having some discomfort today. But that certainly is expected after what she had done: a drive thru hysterectomy.

Was able to take bandage off incision area and to take shower this a.m. Steri strips are covering the area. These strips will eventually come off after a few days. It appears that the surgeon used the same areas to cut the skin.

As for me, after Tim came home from school and took me to my job so I could say hi to my friends there. Felt good being there and seeing them. Then Tim drove me to the store for some stuff that had been on my to-buy list. It's nice having a chauffeur. By the time we were driving home, that aches in my chest had returned. I had felt good almost all day, which seemed to be a blessing since every day I am reducing the strength of the pain meds. Hard to explain how my chest feels, other than to say it's so stiff with a feeling that something is right inside it. Huh, there is something! A plastic plate that takes up most of my chest area. At times it just feels so heavy to me. As soon as we got home, I took extra strength tylenol. But now it's been 12 hrs. so I can take the narcotic pain meds. One thing different today was I had no p.m. nap, but I did sleep late in the a.m.

Keep up the healing, Moe. Co-workers at my job even asked how you were doing. Pretty nice.

Surgeries are history now

Barry and I left for the city as planned about 5 a.m. The surgeon met briefly with me before the surgery. Both Barry and I had been dozing (Barry because he had only a couple of hrs. of sleep due to working last night). I had assumed that tissue was going to be examined while I was under anesthesia but this was not the case. Have talked to the nurse in his office and she will call me as soon as the report is received. My surgery was scheduled for 9 a.m. but I think it was about 10 a.m. that I was wheeled into operating room. Unlike the surgery in November, I do remember everything leading up to the operating room. They gave me some sleepy stuff in my IV as I was being taken from my room, and by the time they were telling me to scoot myself over to the table I was out for the count. Good stuff. Next thing I knew I was back in the room with Barry.

Not sure how long it took, perhaps about 1/2 hr. I didn't have to go to recovery area, just directly back to my room. Used local anesthesia which makes for a faster wakening. Have to keep the incision covered for 48 hrs. Have heard that the area is held together by the little strips. Mind can't remember the exact name. Sterri perhaps. After I felt up to it, Barry and I went out to lunch in the city. Both of us were hungry by this time. Am thinking it was almost 1:30 p.m.

When we got home, Barry had to go right to work. No time to even catch a nap. I made a couple of phone calls and went to bed after Tim came home from school. The pain didn't seem much worse than what I've been feeling but....after waking up from nap it had set in. The big "owie" feeling had returned. Not surprised though. Another incision on an area still not healed from before. Couldn't wait for 7 p.m. to come so I could take pain meds. I did hear from my sister briefly right before she was heading to bed. Just know that she did good with surgery and was wiped out like me. Will learn more tomorrow.

A couple of my friends stopped by at about 6:30 p.m. to visit me. That was kind of nice. Stayed for about 90 minutes. And you must know what I did at 7 p.m.? Popped the pain meds quickly.

After they left I made myself comfortable in the recliner (these past couple of months this chair has been my best friend) and watched some TV. And within a couple of hours I was in a nice relaxed feeling.

Forgot one other thing that happened today while I was in surgery. A good friend of mine Patti stopped by our house and planted about 150 bulbs that had been just sitting in our entrance way. A job that I never had finished after being diagnosed in May. Talk about angels. There are so many out there. And one really nice thing about this, come spring it will be such a nice surprise to see the tulips and daffodils growing all over my yard. Places that are hidden away right now.

Thanks for all your continued thoughts and prayers, and random acts of kindness.
Surely is appreciated when you don't feel 100 percent. As I sat with Barry at lunch today, I reached over and touched him and said "in sickness and in health." That's all I needed to say.

And I'm looking forward especially to tomorrow with temps reaching high 60s. A true blessing.

Surgery in morning

Tomorrow is surgery day for my sister Moe and for me. She's having hysterectomy and of course you guys know what I'm having done. Both are being done in a.m. as out patients. I have to be at hospital by 6:30 a.m. for the operation set for 9 a.m.
Unfortunately having such an early appt. is not giving Barry much time to sleep after he finally gets home from work tonight. Wish that were different for him.
I should be home by afternoon, just local anesthesia probably. And then it's back to work for Barry's next day shift.

Have heard that the tissue taken will most likely be sent to pathology while I'm still under to rule out cancer or whatever. If cancer they have to make sure that all sides of the tissue are clear of cancer cells which means a "clear margin." Have learned that from previous bouts of cancer. You get really experienced.

That's it for now. I'm feeling good about the procedure,probably because it's being done because I had a doctor that senses something wrong. Not sitting around and doing nothing. And of course, I know I have such a prayer network out there. A true blessing.

Night.

Not the news I wanted to hear

Yesterday and today consisted of seeing 3 doctors in regards to my surgery on Nov. 1st. Yesterday was a followup appt. with my primary dr. to go over medications. I've been wanting to get weaned off of the oxy narcotic drug so he has prepared a plan to do so over the next couple of weeks. It had been my goal to go back to work this Monday in a part time position. He thought that was not wise to do so at this time, considering it would involve driving and taking the narcotic drug simultaneously. Plus with the reduced dosages of the pain meds we don't know how well that would be. I continue to have pain on a scale from 1-10, the pain would be a 5. Much better than weeks ago. I will be seeing him in 2 weeks as another followup.

This morning consisted of seeing the surgeon and plastic surgeon in Pittsburgh who did the surgery in Nov. Lisa drove me as there was no way I could or would drive that distance by myself. After having a chest x-ray (which was good/no issues) I went to the surgeon's appt. Once again, a long wait of about 2 hrs. Basically looked over the areas involved, told me to make sure to get medical oncologist, went over some aches and pains with him. Reminded me not to do any pushing/pulling. Definitely no vacuuming or shoveling of snow (which I admitted I had done a few minutes this week.) Bad things to do. Told me to stretch and rotate my arms. Even showed me the plate that was placed in my breast area. Takes over a good portion of my chest. Larger area than I had expected it to me.

From there we went to plastic surgeon. Got there within 5 minutes of appt. Not bad since you never know how long appts. are going to be. I got right into examining room where the dr. examined how the areas were healing. His eyes immediately went to my chest area where the "flap" was sewn into. There is a small area that has never healed like the other parts of that incision. At one time a scab came off, and then another scab grew back. Had caught Barry's and my eyes because it was dark like the previous cancer had looked like. Blackish. And to top it off, it's located basically in the exact area where the cancer was taken in Nov. If you look at my recent pix of the incision, you may be able to see the dark area at the top of what I call my "necklace" incision. Right to the point, the dr. is thinking that the cancer has returned. Just in how it's healing and it's appearance. He can't say why it didn't catch the other dr.s eyes yesterday or today, except perhaps for his age! Without any wasting of time, he is going to operate on me this coming Monday as an out patient at 9 a.m. He feels there is a lot of elasticity in the area of the skin in question, making it easy to remove a good size of the area. It was not the news I had wanted to hear but honestly I'm not surprised. After having cancer twice, I would never go out and even say I was cancer free. But I am glad that he is taking notice of the area and that we are going right after it especially if it proves to be cancer. No time to waste.

A long day but when you have a friend to talk to, it does go faster. Thanks Lisa for being there through both of these appts.

Happy New Year

Like last year, we went out to dinner with several couples. Tim went over to a friend's house and spent New Years there along with a sleepover. After dinner we came home. Barry worked on Tim's computer and I surfed TV stations for some entertainment. Stayed up until midnight. But this year was different, never even opened up champagne. No room for that with my recent medicines.

Both of us stayed in a bed this a.m. (unusual for Barry, not for me!) I stayed in jammies all day. Christmas tree is all tucked away. After Tim came home today, he also took a nap. Just that kind of a day. Been snowing all day, light stuff that seems to be blowing everywhere. In looking at back deck doesn't show much accumulations, but that could be misleading. Will be sending Tim outside to check it out so Barry remains pleased with him!

Family is the best medicine

We got back from Cape Cod Thursday p.m. Barry drove the whole way back which was about 10 1/2 hrs. while Tim and I dozed. I think I was the most comfortable with my nice bed that I had made in the backseat, which was even better than the trip up there. Dad had given me a nice goose down comforter which made for an extra soft/warm bed. (You see, I commented how much I liked the comforter and he ended up giving it to me. Next time I have to remember that and tell him how much I like something even bigger and more expensive! I had not expected to be as comfortable as I was on this trip. Am thankful I was as cozy as I was. It was especially nice because Barry wasn't making me stay awake the whole trip, I was able to lay down as needed.

I do realize that I didn't post while on the Cape. No good reason, just wasn't on my to do list. It was a nice trip, able to see all of Barry's family the day after Christmas. Tim and his cousins had the job of moving a cut up tree and branches that they had taken down after a bad storm. Actually did a fast job in doing so, probably cause they just chit chatted as they moved all the tree. It had been a long time since we had seen all his family together. It's hard to accomplish that since now all the kids go to college and/or have jobs. Am very glad they made the effort to come see us. We even got to out to dinner with them, all 11 of us. Thanks.

Christmas Day was spent at my brother's house where he traditionally has this dinner with so much food including prime rib and lots of desserts. I am not sure how many people were there. It was Barry's first time being able to go which made it even more special. Tim was able to spend some time with his cousin there as well. Stephanie was on winter break from college. Another person we had not seen in a long time. Doug lived up to his reputation and prepared a tasty meal for all. Since he is a chef and owner of a restaurant, he loves to cook even on his day off. Does it so calmly while even socializing with his guests. I could never do that.

We stayed at my parents' home while on vacation. Have never had bad accomodations there. We were able to enjoy some pizza and fried seafood during our stay. Most of the local seafood restaurants we truly enjoy are closed this time of year since they are seasonal.

Dad: for your reading only not to be shown to mom.

Have heard from my sister and father how fast my mother's alzheimers is changing her. It's truly a terrible and long disease for both her and especially my father. At a time they both should be relaxing and enjoying retirement they are dealing with this illness. The whole time my mom is awake she consistently asks "are we doing anything special today?" This happens at times within minutes of the past. No comprehension or remembering. But ask her about years ago and she's so clear. Strange how this works. In order to keep her somewhat busy my dad will tell her to wipe counter top or just clean up some pans in the sink. But you have to watch every minute of the day just to keep her safe. Basically everything she does is a result of someone telling her what to do. I applaud my father for his patience and love that he gives to her each day. A tough job even if you are young. I did get some laughter out of her on evening though. First time I had heard her laugh in a long time. Dad always asks her if the dog p'd outside after letting him out. She quietly would say yes. I told her next time he asks her just say this: "yes, about 3 ounces." She did the kind of laugh that you almost can wet yourself. A good ole belly laugh.

This prayer has always touched my heart:

TEN REQUESTS OF THE ALZHEIMER'S VICTIM


PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME
Remember, I am the helpless victim of an organic brain
disease which is out of my control.


TALK TO ME
Even though I can not always answer you. I can hear
your voice and sometimes comprehend your words.


BE KIND TO ME
For each day of my life is a long and desperate struggle.
Your kindness may be the most special and important
event of my day.


CONSIDER MY FEELINGS
For they are still very much alive within me.


TREAT ME WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECT
As I would have gladly treated you if you had been in
this bed.


REMEMBER MY PAST
For I was once a healthy, vibrant person full of life, love
and laughter with abilities and intelligence.


REMEMBER MY PRESENT
I am a fearful person, loving husband, wife, father, mother
grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle or a dear friend who
misses my family and home very much.


REMEMBER MY FUTURE
Though it may seem bleak to you, I am always filled with hope for
tomorrow.


PRAY FOR ME
For I am a person who lingers in the mists that drift between
time and eternity. Your presence may do more for me than
any othe outreach of compassion you could extend to me.

LOVE ME
And the gifts of love you give will be a blessng from which will
fill both our lives with light forever.

****************************

I did enjoy the time on the Cape. Wished I had felt better but was glad to have been able to go there. No matter how you feel, there are always people worse off. You just have to remember that.

Arrived on Cape Cod

Even though I wasn't able to keep the secret from my parents, they still were thrilled to have us come for Christmas. Tim drove a total of about 5 hrs, helped Barry out a bit. I was able to rest in back seat where I had made a bed which also included a pillow. Was surprised I was able to get as comfortable as I did get. Can't wait for 10:30 p.m. to come so I can take my pain meds though. It's no worse than if I had stayed home which is good. We left home at about 5 a.m. and took our time in driving. Even stopped by my brother's restaurant to have a late lunch at about 2 ish. Then made it to my parents house at 6 p.m.

That's it for now.

Saturday is Barry's birthday and we hope to begin celebrating that and Christmas beginning that day.

HEY DAD TRY THIS LINK BELOW

Google Translate AND GET BLOGGIN!!! ADIOS MOE

Maureen,
You are so clever with your spanish! Enjoy your snow storm. Keep it there.

Feliz Navidad, Dad.

Me encanta Cape Cod. Hasta pronto. Feliz Navidad.

Clothes now fit me

Since I lost about 20 lbs. with the surgery, I am now able to wear clothes that were shoved away in a closet. Once again jeans and a lot of suits now fit me. Also have updated my wardrobe to include underwear that are not old ladies' underwear! For some reason I had not thrown away all these clothes. Believe me, I don't think I would have lost the weight just by dieting. Took something major for me to lose the pounds.

I've been thinking of how I was feeling a week ago when I was at doctor's office. Crying due to the pain that wasn't subsiding. Worried about taking pain meds. And now, one week later I see such improvement. Not painfree, but less pain. I think when you've had such pain that anything less is comforting. And for the time there is no pain it gives me hope to know that some day I will be painfree all the day.

My next appts. are the first week of January. My goal is to return to my job the following week with the doctor's approvals. My bosses are welcoming me back part-time if needed. Not sure how I'll be feeling but I do know that it will be for the better.

Anyone else know spanish

At least someone out there knows what I am writing about. She either knows spanish or knows how to translate from spanish to english. I even got a call from my friend Lisa this a.m. She was able to pick out some key words like Barry and Tim..

Previous blog posting

I got a phone call from my father tonight. Left a message voicing a concern on the blog entry. He doesn't know that I posted the comment! Now he has to figure out the message to see what it's all about! Go Dad Go.

Un secreto en español

Era hace dos semanas que Barry trajo para arriba una idea. Él deseó saber si salió del país del dios para el día de fiesta era algo que estaría hasta hacer. Es debido a la destinación ese I dicho rápidamente sí a la sugerencia. He estado intentando guardarlo un secreto pero aquí soy una pista: ¡los mariscos fritos me suenan ciertamente buenos! Así pues, si usted sabe de lo que estoy hablando, felicitaciones en su español. No sé la fecha exacta de nuestra llegada pero será muy probablemente este fin de semana. Espero que haya sitio en el mesón y que los linos estarán agradables y limpios. Barry será el conductor principal, pero si tomamos el Exporer Tim podrá ayudar con conducir. No puedo esperar para dar y para recibir abrazos muy necesarios. Estoy alegre divulgar que cada día es un día mejor. Y qué podría ser una medicina mejor pero estando con mi familia.

Explaining pix

The bottom photo shows armpit area and the incision continues and is seen in the top photo. The middle photo shows my chest. Notice the difference in skin, so pale and without freckles. I continue to bandage the area where there is slight opening. This area is the spot that continues to cause me discomfort. The 12 hr release medication usually gives up at up 7 hrs. into it, so this is when I take what is called a break through pain med to hold me until the next 12 hr. release. Every day there is improvement. All I need to do is to look back and see how far I've come.

Pix taken today. Backside where skin was taken, front where it was moved to, and under arm area. Only about 1 inch of skin needs to be healed over.

 

 

 

Food food and more food

Yesterday I went out to 2 different restaurants with friends of mine. Felt good being outside, and just being with them.

Last night was another night of sleeping without the pain. Don't like to say that too loud. Whenever I got up to use bathroom I would cautiously move. Being very protective. By morning it came back. As I tell people, it feels good to know that the pain can go away. That it's not permanently there. Just takes time.

I went out with my department for a Christmas luncheon. And I know how some people say this (including myself) but they had the best chicken parmigian! Even had a taste of the cheesecake. It was a local restaurant that I had never been to. One that we had tried to eat at but they were always full. Will definitely go back. We had a gift exchange which proved to be a lot of fun. Again, not to be repetitive but it felt good being with my friends.

I did take a nap this p.m. This is first Friday in months that Tim doesn't have band/football games to go to anymore. Feels funny having him home.

Well, that's it for now.

Christmas is around the corner and not one present bought. Haven't even done cards this year. Oh well, priorities have changed this year.

Some relief with pain, but it's back now.

Woke up this a.m. with the least pain ever in my right shoulder area. Was so pleased. Was so strange not to have all that pain. I treated it like a baby most of the day.

Tim and I did some errands after he got home from school. Mexican food and then he got his hair cut. By the time we were eating, the pain in my incision area had peaked for first time today. And of course, I had no meds with me. As soon as we got home I was able to take a break through pain relief. And now about to get into jammies. As I told Tim, I was at least less pain the majority of the day.

And yes, Moe. I did do short walk this a.m.

PS. Did take one hr. at 7:30 p.m. Set the alarm. For me it was a very long day, but I did sleep less.

Update

I did go see primary dr. this a.m. as planned. Past month or so, I would sleep so good at night with ativan and antidepressant; wake up to get Tim off to school; and then go directly back to bed. But I wouldn't wake up until noon or sometimes 1 p.m. I'm smart enough to know this is not right, but also the brain would say other things. Each pain med I would take I would hate to take, but the pain still there. ALong with an occassional panic attack which I had never had in my life. Would come about if I got sad. Knew I had to do something. Anxiety/depression, 2 terrible things. Plus unlike what I had expected, company didn't show up to chat as often had been expected. Busy time of year, but perhaps people don't want to disturb me. But being a person that is a people person, this is not beneficial to the healing. But in talking with dr. Barry did tell him I had stopped breathing exercises, bad bad bad. Not changing pain med dosage right now. When there is still pain, not for me to worry about addiction. Lower ativan dosage at bed time (that you can get more addited to than pain med) and increase my antidepressant at bedtime. As for my aches and pains, remember what was done in the operating room. Remember how far you've traveled.

Barry's been wonderful through all this. He's Mr. Clean around here.

Tim slowly is picking up his slack with laundry details. And emptying dish washer when needed.

And am so thankful for friends who have been making meals for us during the week. A true lifsaver. don't know what I would have done with out that. My weight is down to 125 down.

Incisions are healing, just not as fast as I would want them to.



I have gone out for desserts a couple of times with friends, but I think that needs to be even more. Change of scenery, plus conversations.



Right after coming home from dr. office I had a couple of phone calls. Was invited to go out to lunch with a person at the college. SHe mush have had ESP. Another girl called and we'll plan something next week, after her sore throat goes away.



So my challenge is this. Look forward. COntinue with adjusted med dosages (and yes, they may need to be tweeked). And to stay away more during the day. Take what a nap should be, a smaller version timewise!



And like I've said before, just call me to get me out of the house. As my sister has told me, this blog is also my therapy.

Need to get off pain meds

even though I still have pain. Don't like the side effects at all. Very depressed and I feel like my chest is going to blowing up, anxiety. Have made appt. for 9 a.m to see family dr. Hate this feeling.

Wanted

Wanted: A phone call just to say hi, how are you feeling?
A phone call just to say hi, how about some icecream?
A phone call just to say "lunch".

Working for me was always a form of therapy, got my mind off of the disease. But now that I've been home, I sure do miss conversations. I have not driven since the surgery since I continue to be on pain meds.

A had a couple night gatherings with friends this week that went along the above lines. Just conversing to another takes your mind off of your pains. And a lunch date today. Does pick up your spirits a bit. Healing can be very frustrating.

99 percent of the time I am home and just resting/healing. The incision is slowly healing, perhap has about 1 1/2 inches of open space to close up. Coninue to have aches in my upper body, collar bone/shoulder area and of course where the skin was taken from. But each day is better. Will tave Tim take some recent pictures for my blog.

At this morning's weigh in I was down to 126 lbs. Lowest in more years than I can count. Actually took a pair of jeans out of closet that were headed to Goodwill.
My appetite is not as good as it has been. I think when you don't feel good, you don't eat as much. Nothing wrong with my sleeping.

Well, that's it for now. WE had our first snow this week, therefore I cross my fingers as Tim heads off to school in his car.

nothing new to report

I'll be so happy when I write that the pain has gone away. Had not expected this at all. The area under my arm/armpit area continues to heal but very slowly. Raw skin attempting to close up from inside of body to outside. Talk about raw skin, outch. I have been blessed to have Patti help me change and make sure it's healing at an ok speed. Helps to have a set of eyes that know something medical. She did say it could be a long process just to have that skin seal up. Another area of continuous pain is shoulder blade area. Don't forget they broke my collar bone for surgery.

Barry's been so good taking care of me. Have been down in dumps a couple of times, thinking I should be better than I am. He reminds me of things that were broken in my chest area just to get rid of cancer.

As I've said before, my door is open for company. And if you know me, I will be honest if/when I get tired and need to rest. If and when I nap, I have cordless phone right beside me. Easier to pick up that way.

Well, off to bed. Night.

A difficult time for my body...but this too shall pass

I've had such a trouble past couple of day filling new drug scripts, due to holidaty and script amounts not accuarately avaiable. And ssome stores just dont carry hard drugs like oxcycottin'/oxcoycone. Finnally after a couple of days since my dr. visit for new scrips on wednesday and going to many stores Barry and I was able to get the drugw. By that time this p.m I was completely out of all pain killers, and really in need of some. Barry's been so patient and helpful with m, especially feeling crappy himself. Got home and the took pill rightaway. AM sure that if I was a teenager I could get the drugs on a street corner. The went right to bed.



Looking forward to Dancing with Stars show. Tim went deer hunting today, haven't heard of any results yet. It poured most of the day here, luckily not so much bad weather there.

Looking for day that pain leaves my body and the muscles relax.

It takes time to heal..

Yes, it was a long day in the city for appts. First appt. was with plastic surgeon at 9 a.m., area is healing very nicely. Just need to cover it twice daily with a saline coverered gauze. Follow up appt. in 6 weeks.

Then off to have chest x-ray. That was the first delay. A long delay and it was made worse by having to sit in uncomfortable chairs. Thank goodness my brain was working in overtime. Since my surgeon's appt. was one floor up in building, I took off and signed in ahead of the scheduled appt. time. Then eventually went back to wait for x-ray. Took a matter of minutes for that test.

Then up to wait for the main surgeon. I think our appt. was at 11 a.m. and we didn't see him until 2 hrs. later. Not sure. He has increased my pain meds, still no baths for me. And am still limited to what I can do with my arms/chest area. Basically restricions remain the same. They will be contacting me for follow up appt. in about 5 weeks.

The surgeon made a comment that hit home to me:

Just look at what you've been through these past few weeks. You've accomplished things that you thought could never be accomplished. From a simple cough to taking a deep breath. From laying in a bed to sitting upright in chair. By looking in the past you can see how much strength you have for the future.


I was a very unusual case for him, but one he had complete faith in the outcome.

I'M BACK AND JANE IS BACK FROM APPTS!!

Just a quick note on Jane-I just talked to her-all the appts went PERFECT including the CXR. An exhausting day for both she and Barry-both with pain today. The pain meds increased on Jane.Enough for now and Have a Great Thanksgiving!!!

Follow-up appts. in Pittsburgh tomorrow a.m.

I meet with plastic surgeon at 9 a.m., followed by chest x-ray 10:40 a.m. The the meeting with main surgeon is in same bluilding at 1l:00 a.m. sure hope they are running close to schedule because I don't think I coul sit in waiting room chair for more than 30 mins. Looking forward to seein both drs. for their feedback, especially to tell them that the pain is still there.

Off to bed now. For me, it will be a very early wake up call in a.m.

PS Tim did go bear hunting Monday, only saw tracks in snow. Back to camp area this coming weekend for deer hunting. The boys did see lots of deer there.

One week later and still about same

Have heard from people that they are concerned cause I haven't blogged. My typing is so bad right now. Head/brain-keyboard doesn't want to be the same. HAve been having same pain/discomfort. I do go back to Pitts. on Wed to see plastic surgeon and primary surgeon. The front chest area is healing so nicely. Under arm where they took skin from is very tender. just keep reminding myself that I've ben through a lot.

And even though I haven't felt my true self lately, my door is usually open. Sleeping in one thing I'm good at doing, less pain that way.

No infection

Went to Pittsburgh yesterday a.m. and met with plastic surgeon. Local home care nurse, and my primary doctor, wanted it to be checked out. And of course, I certainly did. No infection, healing perfectly. The doctor said "a masterpiece."

Continue to be in lots of pain. Out of score of 10, it's an 8 or 9. Can't ever seem to get rid of it. Spoke to primary doctor this afternoon, is doubling my oxycodone effective tonight. Also had me take a percocet, which I did. Then went to bed and tried to lie motionless. No results yet. Very, very uncomfortable, but then just look at the pictures. To cough is like dying. Most pain in shoulder/back area and under my left arm where they took the skin for my chest. Just have to be patient, but very hard to.

Barry's not been feeling well either. Never complains. Has shoulder/side pain.
But he's been keeping up with the housework. Taking pride in it I believe. Awfully good to me these past few days, waiting on me hand and foot.

Off to rest. Bye

Congatulations Tim!

I wasn't able to attend the induction ceremony last night, but Barry did. Tim was inducted into the National Honor Society. I can not miss this opportunity to praise Tim on this accomplishment. I put myself into my job, and he must do the same thing with his school work.

Again, Congratulations!