The best thing about returning to work today was seeing my co-workers and them being so kind to me. I had emailed most of them about the news of my CT scans. That way I wouldn't have to repeat the details throughout the day. One of them had even bought me a mum plant for my desk. What a nice gesture.
But besides that, the day was not like any other. Put yourself in a busy hectic situation with good health, and then do the same job under the influence of two types of chemo. I did this today. And was accurate to the T in balancing at the end of the day. But was the outcome worth it? I have to remind myself to take the "coffee" break that is awarded you, go for a walk and relax my brain. As they say, you're not as young as you used to be. Non stop work is not healthy even by itself. At the end of the day it just became exhaustion. I have to also do some delegating of household chores to Tim, silly things that I should not need to do.
Got home, had a bowl of cereal and 30 minutes later my chemo pills. By 6:30 p.m. I was in bed. Did get up 3 hrs. later just to take a bath to relax.
I've been told my someone that the next couple of weeks will be the same hectic schedule. I pray for the strength to keep up with it, and the smartness to know what I am able to do in order to stay "healthy".
Monday, August 27, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
It's XELODA's turn now
I just took my first dosage of the new chemo pill called XELODA. A total of 3 500 mgs. pills to equal 1500 mg. twice a day. The next dosage is 30 minutes after dinner. My pill box is looking like my parents' medications. Total of 5 different pills twice a day. Thank goodness for the pill box that the company sent me. Will keep me up to date.
Last night when I went to bed at about midnight, I was wide awake since I had taken the decadron steroid. So I quickly went and took a tylenol pm. That worked and I slept till 10 a.m. A much needed and restful sleep.
This afternoon I went to lie down at 3 p.m. and just tossed and turned for 2 hrs. Felt tired but too wide awake from steroid. And my legs were so restless. But that's nothing to what I could have been feeling. All that time I thought of getting a banana split (yes, full price) as a special treat for myself. Tim was my angel and went grocery shopping for me while I was in bed. And after dinner, I took my second dose of chemo pills and we went to get the banana split! Worth every penny even if Tim ate 1/2 of it..
Have already taken tylenol p.m. in preparing for bed. Back to work tomorrow, and it's going to be a very busy week I know. College kids have slowly arrived back to school. But I do realize that I just can take one step at a time. First time in my life that I'm taking chemo daily. That's new for me...
Last night when I went to bed at about midnight, I was wide awake since I had taken the decadron steroid. So I quickly went and took a tylenol pm. That worked and I slept till 10 a.m. A much needed and restful sleep.
This afternoon I went to lie down at 3 p.m. and just tossed and turned for 2 hrs. Felt tired but too wide awake from steroid. And my legs were so restless. But that's nothing to what I could have been feeling. All that time I thought of getting a banana split (yes, full price) as a special treat for myself. Tim was my angel and went grocery shopping for me while I was in bed. And after dinner, I took my second dose of chemo pills and we went to get the banana split! Worth every penny even if Tim ate 1/2 of it..
Have already taken tylenol p.m. in preparing for bed. Back to work tomorrow, and it's going to be a very busy week I know. College kids have slowly arrived back to school. But I do realize that I just can take one step at a time. First time in my life that I'm taking chemo daily. That's new for me...
Saturday, August 25, 2007
First day after taxatere...
and I showed no side effects. Thank God. Just did not sleep well, up and down since about 3 a.m. But that was probably due to steroid they give me. I also have to take that and another pill today and tomorrow. But if that's the only problem, it is no problem.
My chemo pills arrived by courier at about 5 p.m. According to my oncologist, I am postponing starting them until tomorrow. Too late in day to get proper dosage into my system.
Today I went to the store and bought a couple of items so I would have them on hand. Udder cream to be used on my palms and bottom of my feet, and immodium AD for possible side effect of diarrhea. Two common side effects. You basically have to pamper your feet and palms while on the pill Xeloda. Never go barefoot, no hot baths, lotion them up, and when sitting have them resting on pillow. And wear loose fitting shoes. They mention to wear slippers.
One more thing. Please pray for my dad also as he was hospitalized yesterday p.m. Had been having dizzy spells for at least a week. My sister who is a nurse stopped by their house upon getting to the Cape yesterday. My dad was up briefly, got light headed and went to bed. She checked on him and he had fever. Immediately took him to ER. and was hospitalized. All his blood counts were screwed up big time. Diagnosed with a parasite infection called babesiosis:
http://www.astdhpphe.org/infect/babesiosis.html
probably caused by a deer tick. Also being checked for lyme disease. During the day his fever was up to 103 and he couldn't stop shivering. They would not give him an extra blanket due to fever. Finally tonight it was down to 99, but blood counts were still bad. He's quite sick. I only spoke to him for a minute as he was not himself. I should have known. Yesterday when I called him with test results, he went on talking about something else. Didn't acknowledge what I had said. Then asked my how the results were. And said to me like he always would say "Damn it!"
With him being in hospital, it leaves my mom without a caretaker. So between my other family members they will work it out. I wish I could be there, but can only be there in my thoughts and prayers.
My chemo pills arrived by courier at about 5 p.m. According to my oncologist, I am postponing starting them until tomorrow. Too late in day to get proper dosage into my system.
Today I went to the store and bought a couple of items so I would have them on hand. Udder cream to be used on my palms and bottom of my feet, and immodium AD for possible side effect of diarrhea. Two common side effects. You basically have to pamper your feet and palms while on the pill Xeloda. Never go barefoot, no hot baths, lotion them up, and when sitting have them resting on pillow. And wear loose fitting shoes. They mention to wear slippers.
One more thing. Please pray for my dad also as he was hospitalized yesterday p.m. Had been having dizzy spells for at least a week. My sister who is a nurse stopped by their house upon getting to the Cape yesterday. My dad was up briefly, got light headed and went to bed. She checked on him and he had fever. Immediately took him to ER. and was hospitalized. All his blood counts were screwed up big time. Diagnosed with a parasite infection called babesiosis:
http://www.astdhpphe.org/infect/babesiosis.html
probably caused by a deer tick. Also being checked for lyme disease. During the day his fever was up to 103 and he couldn't stop shivering. They would not give him an extra blanket due to fever. Finally tonight it was down to 99, but blood counts were still bad. He's quite sick. I only spoke to him for a minute as he was not himself. I should have known. Yesterday when I called him with test results, he went on talking about something else. Didn't acknowledge what I had said. Then asked my how the results were. And said to me like he always would say "Damn it!"
With him being in hospital, it leaves my mom without a caretaker. So between my other family members they will work it out. I wish I could be there, but can only be there in my thoughts and prayers.
Friday, August 24, 2007
You can't always tell a book by it's cover..Test results are in..
Today's weight: 138 lbs.
Blood pressure 134/82
My oncologist Dr. G. received the faxed results of the CT scans this a.m. about 45 mins. before my appt. When he came into my room, he said his usual comment. "How are you feeling?" My reply was "do you have the test results?" Yes. And here's the rest of the story from what I jotted down on a cheat sheet.
The tumor has grown a bit since the CT scan 5/20/07 at the same hospital and read by same doctor. In May it measured approximately 4.2 cm and not sure of the other number. Yesterday it measured 4.97 x 4.42 cm. It involves the chest wall just to the right of midline adjacent to the sternum and is extending anterior and posterior to the rib and abutting the superior vena cava. There is questionable bony involvement by the mass. And after talking with my surgeon after the biopsy, he said the tumor was wrapped around bone areas and would not rule out that bones would become involved. A had bone scan but have been told early in the stages bone cancer does not always show up.
Hearing this was not what I had wanted to hear but...But you know, I'm pretty smart and realistic. Yes the outside tumor area seemed to have shrunk, but I know that it was within my sternum/rib area and that I had no way of seeing if that was in fact growing. That's way you can't always tell a book by it's cover. Just look at Barry for an example. He gets many comments "hey, you look great." It is fortunate that he does look good but within his liver he has two large tumors the size of a man's fist that are being so stubborn in shrinking. But we are blessed that since going to Pittsburgh Liver Transplant doctor he has remained stable for over a year.
Here's our new plan of attack to fight back that devil of a cancer. It has started already today:
Taxotere: Chemo drug that will be given to me once every 3 weeks by IV. Takes about 1 hr. to be administered. Premeds are given before like I have had previously.
Pepcid, decadron, kytrol, benadryl to help with possible allergice reactions.
Xeloda: Chemo drug that is actually a pill. I will be taking 1500 mg of that pill, once in the a.m. and once in the evening. This starts the day after my taxotere treatment for a total of 14 days. Local pharmacies do not carry this pill so my social worker lined it up to come from Pittsburgh medical store. I have already talked to them this afternoon. will be shipped out on ice tomorrow via UPS since I need to have it then. No charge for shipping, just $20 copay for insurance. And they will monitor the supply and will auto ship in the future.
Zantac 150 mg: Take 1 tablet 2 times a day for heartburn. Every day.
Decadron: Anti nausea/vomiting. One of the pre-meds I take also. In my prescription I got 4 pills. Can you believe that. The 2 days following the IV treatment I have to take 1 tablet 2 X a day for two days. That will be Saturday and Sunday only.
B6 Vitamin: Every day. 1 pill 2 x a day
The side effects are many. Not that I will be effected by all of them. But you have to know what to expect.
I will be taking less full Fridays off at my job, but will still require weekly blood work on the weeks I am not there. Plus for 14 days I will be having my daily chemo pill which is more than I've had presently. High dosage. I pray that my side effects are minimal.I think every part of my body could have some effect, and I have to be very careful in recognizing the symptom and know what to do when it happens.
So now I think I'll be using about 5 drugs for this new treatment.
Guess what I got in mail today? Jury Summons. Geez, do you think I should sign up for that! Don't think so. Time for Dr. G. to write up medical excuse. They always try to get me when I am going through treatment. Must be fixed.
Thanks to all for your continued listening. It's been a long tiring day. Did nap for 1 1/2 hours. And when the sun went down this evening, I got on the rider mower and cut the front lawn as I drank out of my water bottle. Even saw my oncologist drive by. I know what he was thinking: tough and strong fighter. Just like Barry!
Also had a couple of friends stop by to check up on me. Can't put a price on friendship.
Blood pressure 134/82
My oncologist Dr. G. received the faxed results of the CT scans this a.m. about 45 mins. before my appt. When he came into my room, he said his usual comment. "How are you feeling?" My reply was "do you have the test results?" Yes. And here's the rest of the story from what I jotted down on a cheat sheet.
The tumor has grown a bit since the CT scan 5/20/07 at the same hospital and read by same doctor. In May it measured approximately 4.2 cm and not sure of the other number. Yesterday it measured 4.97 x 4.42 cm. It involves the chest wall just to the right of midline adjacent to the sternum and is extending anterior and posterior to the rib and abutting the superior vena cava. There is questionable bony involvement by the mass. And after talking with my surgeon after the biopsy, he said the tumor was wrapped around bone areas and would not rule out that bones would become involved. A had bone scan but have been told early in the stages bone cancer does not always show up.
Hearing this was not what I had wanted to hear but...But you know, I'm pretty smart and realistic. Yes the outside tumor area seemed to have shrunk, but I know that it was within my sternum/rib area and that I had no way of seeing if that was in fact growing. That's way you can't always tell a book by it's cover. Just look at Barry for an example. He gets many comments "hey, you look great." It is fortunate that he does look good but within his liver he has two large tumors the size of a man's fist that are being so stubborn in shrinking. But we are blessed that since going to Pittsburgh Liver Transplant doctor he has remained stable for over a year.
Here's our new plan of attack to fight back that devil of a cancer. It has started already today:
Taxotere: Chemo drug that will be given to me once every 3 weeks by IV. Takes about 1 hr. to be administered. Premeds are given before like I have had previously.
Pepcid, decadron, kytrol, benadryl to help with possible allergice reactions.
Xeloda: Chemo drug that is actually a pill. I will be taking 1500 mg of that pill, once in the a.m. and once in the evening. This starts the day after my taxotere treatment for a total of 14 days. Local pharmacies do not carry this pill so my social worker lined it up to come from Pittsburgh medical store. I have already talked to them this afternoon. will be shipped out on ice tomorrow via UPS since I need to have it then. No charge for shipping, just $20 copay for insurance. And they will monitor the supply and will auto ship in the future.
Zantac 150 mg: Take 1 tablet 2 times a day for heartburn. Every day.
Decadron: Anti nausea/vomiting. One of the pre-meds I take also. In my prescription I got 4 pills. Can you believe that. The 2 days following the IV treatment I have to take 1 tablet 2 X a day for two days. That will be Saturday and Sunday only.
B6 Vitamin: Every day. 1 pill 2 x a day
The side effects are many. Not that I will be effected by all of them. But you have to know what to expect.
I will be taking less full Fridays off at my job, but will still require weekly blood work on the weeks I am not there. Plus for 14 days I will be having my daily chemo pill which is more than I've had presently. High dosage. I pray that my side effects are minimal.I think every part of my body could have some effect, and I have to be very careful in recognizing the symptom and know what to do when it happens.
So now I think I'll be using about 5 drugs for this new treatment.
Guess what I got in mail today? Jury Summons. Geez, do you think I should sign up for that! Don't think so. Time for Dr. G. to write up medical excuse. They always try to get me when I am going through treatment. Must be fixed.
Thanks to all for your continued listening. It's been a long tiring day. Did nap for 1 1/2 hours. And when the sun went down this evening, I got on the rider mower and cut the front lawn as I drank out of my water bottle. Even saw my oncologist drive by. I know what he was thinking: tough and strong fighter. Just like Barry!
Also had a couple of friends stop by to check up on me. Can't put a price on friendship.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
CT scans were done today..
no results as of yet. The woman told me it may take 1-2 days for the results, which I hope will be by my appt. with Dr. G. in the a.m. I also called the Cancer Center and they will be contacting the hospital in the a.m. if they don't get any results faxed to them.
My appt. is at 9:40 a.m. with my oncologist. And hopefully chemo will follow.
My appt. is at 9:40 a.m. with my oncologist. And hopefully chemo will follow.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
CT Scans tomorrow
CT Scans are scheduled for 11 a.m. tomorrow. I believe the results will be faxed to my oncologist. I have an appt. with him on Friday. Am hoping he will be calling me tomorrow with results, but if he doesn't-Friday will be OK.
And since I've been through this with Barry for the past couple of years, I know that no change is still good news! I pray for shrinkage but will settle for no change.
And since I've been through this with Barry for the past couple of years, I know that no change is still good news! I pray for shrinkage but will settle for no change.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Where does the time go? and Happy Birthday DAD!
Hard to believe that many kids are leaving for college this week, and Tim goes back to school next week. Hard to believe that Tim got his drivers license today. So many new beginnings. Where does the time go?
I was talking to Tim about the advantages of having him around with a license. I can send him to get his haircut, school supplies. His response was this: you know it's a disadvantage being able to drive yourself because you're not with me with the $. I thought that was so cute.
And one more thing: Happy Birthday, DAD!!
I was talking to Tim about the advantages of having him around with a license. I can send him to get his haircut, school supplies. His response was this: you know it's a disadvantage being able to drive yourself because you're not with me with the $. I thought that was so cute.
And one more thing: Happy Birthday, DAD!!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
What goes with rain and Sundays?
The answer: A nice afternoon nap! It is, of course, the Lord's day of rest...
Friday, August 17, 2007
Spunk is the word of the day -Blog updated 9:15 p.m.
I take that word to mean spirit. And I like that word. And most of all it pleases me to hear from a newbie on the blog system. Gives me that needed push. And today it means alot as it's chemo day for me. Reading the comment did bring good tears to my eyes. Thanks.
Updated blog 9:15 p.m.
I was not able to get chemo today upon recommendation of my oncologist. I told him of my recent symptoms (I always go in with a piece of paper for notes). I made mention that my vision has changed a lot lately, and he asked me if I had been having headaches. My answer was yes actually. That was why I just made an eye appt. for next month. Since I've been dealing a lot with numbers and data entry at my new job, I figured just this week that perhaps the vision change could be causing the headaches. First I had thought sinuses. Has been that way for about 3 weeks. I also mentioned that I've had a cough since Monday along with nasal drip, and that just this coughing was hurting my chest area and now my muscle area of my right shoulder. He immediately said that it was time for some scans and MRI to be done. He told me that tumors can cause discomfort if there is a change happening with them, either shrinking or growing. I was sent to the hospital where I had a MRI of the brain and the results were obtained within 30 minutes. Fast service. He called me while I was at the hospital with the results and the test showed "nothing there." Of course, that proved to be funny because as Barry said "he knew that already!"
The soonest I could get in for chest CT and upper abdomen CT scans is next Thursday. I have to go to another hospital for those, since that would be same hospital as May when I was hospitalized. Best to use same equipment for accurate comparison. I know all about waiting by now. Will just take each day as it comes.
I will just be happy when the cough goes away and the pain also. Mr doctor did recommend taking claritin rather than sudafed as perhaps it is allergy related. And to continue with cough medicine.
It seemed from the beginning of my appointment it was not meant to be a chemo day for me. The nurse was unable to get blood out of both sides of my double port. Even by having me lie down in the recliner. So they had to take from my arm. And after hearing that scans were being scheduled next week, I practically pleaded with him for chemo today. But no, not until he knows what is happening inside and can properly plan the next treatment. Even without a treamment today, I was gone for over 5 hours. A tiring day.
Barry and I went out to dinner tonight and who do we see at restaurant? My oncologist (neighbor) and his wife. Small world isn't it...
Updated blog 9:15 p.m.
I was not able to get chemo today upon recommendation of my oncologist. I told him of my recent symptoms (I always go in with a piece of paper for notes). I made mention that my vision has changed a lot lately, and he asked me if I had been having headaches. My answer was yes actually. That was why I just made an eye appt. for next month. Since I've been dealing a lot with numbers and data entry at my new job, I figured just this week that perhaps the vision change could be causing the headaches. First I had thought sinuses. Has been that way for about 3 weeks. I also mentioned that I've had a cough since Monday along with nasal drip, and that just this coughing was hurting my chest area and now my muscle area of my right shoulder. He immediately said that it was time for some scans and MRI to be done. He told me that tumors can cause discomfort if there is a change happening with them, either shrinking or growing. I was sent to the hospital where I had a MRI of the brain and the results were obtained within 30 minutes. Fast service. He called me while I was at the hospital with the results and the test showed "nothing there." Of course, that proved to be funny because as Barry said "he knew that already!"
The soonest I could get in for chest CT and upper abdomen CT scans is next Thursday. I have to go to another hospital for those, since that would be same hospital as May when I was hospitalized. Best to use same equipment for accurate comparison. I know all about waiting by now. Will just take each day as it comes.
I will just be happy when the cough goes away and the pain also. Mr doctor did recommend taking claritin rather than sudafed as perhaps it is allergy related. And to continue with cough medicine.
It seemed from the beginning of my appointment it was not meant to be a chemo day for me. The nurse was unable to get blood out of both sides of my double port. Even by having me lie down in the recliner. So they had to take from my arm. And after hearing that scans were being scheduled next week, I practically pleaded with him for chemo today. But no, not until he knows what is happening inside and can properly plan the next treatment. Even without a treamment today, I was gone for over 5 hours. A tiring day.
Barry and I went out to dinner tonight and who do we see at restaurant? My oncologist (neighbor) and his wife. Small world isn't it...
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Chemo 4 me tomorrow
Tomorrow is the beginning to another cycle of chemo treatments, therefore I meet with my oncologist before it. A chance for him to examine me, and discuss how I've been feeling. One thing for sure I will tell him: the cough I've had all week which causes pain in my chest/back shoulder area. Not fun.
Off to bed. I get to sleep in a bit before I'm off for chemo...
Off to bed. I get to sleep in a bit before I'm off for chemo...
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
A performance at the fair.
After work today I chaperoned Tim's band as they participated at our local Fair. It was so great being with the kids, all good kids. No work is really involved with chaperoning them, which is fine with me. I did not stay after they played, I went home on the bus with a couple other people. A friend of mine asked if she could get me something to eat while she was at the fair, and I said "elephant ears." Since she got there before I did, she greeted me with a bag that contained the 'ears'. That was my supper! And like in the past, all the band kids (except for one girl) stayed at the fair and will get rides home on their own. I do enjoy hearing Tim bang the drums loudly.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
zzzzzzzztime
Past couple of days, as soon as I get home from work I hop into my jammies. Tim goes off to soccer practice and I'm able to rest. I fall asleep so quickly. Really need that time.
Tomorrow Tim and the band are performing at the local County Fair. I have volunteered to be a chaperone on the bus. I'm sure Tim is going to stay there to enjoy the fair, and I will just come home on the bus. I don't need to get any more tired.
Well, I'm sudafed'ed and cough medicined myself so I should be ready for bed. As long as I don't cough, I'm fine. Or breathe in deeply.
So as I yawn off now, good night.
Tomorrow Tim and the band are performing at the local County Fair. I have volunteered to be a chaperone on the bus. I'm sure Tim is going to stay there to enjoy the fair, and I will just come home on the bus. I don't need to get any more tired.
Well, I'm sudafed'ed and cough medicined myself so I should be ready for bed. As long as I don't cough, I'm fine. Or breathe in deeply.
So as I yawn off now, good night.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Thanks....for being there.
I guess I never realized how many people do read my blog. A woman I work with came up to me this a.m. and said "I'm glad you got out of the bubble bath!" A blog entry I made earlier last week followed by silence. It made me feel so good knowing that people are concerned/interested in what is going on in my/our lives. She does not post comments, and therefore I was not aware that she reads the blog. A case of being shy. Why shy when I attempt to put my story/thoughts out there for anyone to read? I told her she could post anonymously or just with initials as others do. Anyhow or anyway, I do appreciate knowing that you are out there.
I've come down with an annoying cough which causes chest to hurt from within. If I wasn't dealing with cancer, I would think no more of the pain. But knowing the tumor is in the location of the pain, does cause some concern for me. Assuming it could be chest cold, I'm taking sudafed along with cough medicine. I only know that when I cough (which I try to avoid) it is painful. I can't wait to see my oncologist Friday to have him check into it. I am very anxious for my first CT scan since Mother's Day weekend.
I've come down with an annoying cough which causes chest to hurt from within. If I wasn't dealing with cancer, I would think no more of the pain. But knowing the tumor is in the location of the pain, does cause some concern for me. Assuming it could be chest cold, I'm taking sudafed along with cough medicine. I only know that when I cough (which I try to avoid) it is painful. I can't wait to see my oncologist Friday to have him check into it. I am very anxious for my first CT scan since Mother's Day weekend.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Silent blog
Yes, I'm still alive and kickin'. Did get an email from Lisa and my dad wondering if I was OK. Hadn't blogged for about a week. Each time I get a comment posted on my blog, and email is sent immediately to my hotmail account showing the comment. It sort of works all together. When I get comments it makes me know/feel that people are actually reading my thoughts, as mundane as they be they are my thoughts. But as the days go on, I may not post since I figure no one is reading.
This week I was so pleased not to have chemo. Would have been even better if I didn't have to work but.. A lady at my job asked me yesterday how I was feeling. Hard to explain to people. My head never seems to rest. Very tired mentally. Cancer has been in my thoughts for over 2 years. The first time I had cancer it was so different, almost easier. Strange to say that. Diagnosed with cancer, surgery to remove it followed by chemo and radiation. Bingo. I sort of had an end. The treatment was an insurance policy so to say. (guess I should get my money back!) I could tell people how many treatments I had left. Now is different. Now is similar to what Barry's been going through for over 2 years. I'm asked about Barry and myself, how many treatments do you guys have left? Wish there was an answer. But there is no answer. Now I'm able to feel the tumor in my chest area. Yes, it does seem to be smaller, but when it's in your chest and you can still feel it-it's so strange. Twice this week at work people were talking to me, asking how I was feeling. Briefly explained the fatgue (worse than being tired) and their comments were "you don't show it." I continue to try to be optomistic/cheerful. Because if you let yourself get down, one of those times you might not be able to get up so quickly.
Again, thanks Lisa and Dad for asking about me. Means the world to me during difficult times.
PS Looking forward to football season. Tim's doing bass drums and I was so pleased to finally see him play last Friday at Meet the Band night. It's going to be a good year!
Updated thoughts 6:20 p.m. (Dad, some personal comments about mom are following.)
As I enjoyed Barry's tacos for dinner (chuck steak cooked in crock pot for hours in taco seasoning) which were delicious, I got back to my continuous thinking. I once again realize that there are so many people living with chronic conditions, be it heart issues/cystic fibrosis/cancer/and of course alzheimers. And not only do these effect the patient but they also effect the caregiver. I called and spoke to my mother today on Cape Cod. Had a very nice conversation with her. She's been doing through the different stages of alzheimers for the past few years. As usual I asked her how she was doing. And for the first time she said she's been having trouble with remembering and then feeling like an idiot. We talked about how your brain can be so strange. She talked of her first day in elementary school, her desk and even her teacher. But she explained to me what I already knew, very hard to remember every day events. Again, the mind is so strange. And isn't it funny that she remembers not remembering and how frustrating that is for her? I can't imagine what her thoughts are during a normal day. How confusing she must be. I did enjoy that talk with her. Which leads to this. Yes, my mind is full of stuff but others are dealing with difficult situations daily. One of those is my father. I have not written of this before. He is the main caretaker of my mom and takes such good care of her. Am greatful that she is able to go to a senior citizen center a couple days of week. A chance for him to relax and for her to meet other people. Am greatful that he is able to cook the meals and tend to setting out her clothes to wear. See, we all have crosses to bear and do it with a positive attitude.
Thanks, Dad.
This week I was so pleased not to have chemo. Would have been even better if I didn't have to work but.. A lady at my job asked me yesterday how I was feeling. Hard to explain to people. My head never seems to rest. Very tired mentally. Cancer has been in my thoughts for over 2 years. The first time I had cancer it was so different, almost easier. Strange to say that. Diagnosed with cancer, surgery to remove it followed by chemo and radiation. Bingo. I sort of had an end. The treatment was an insurance policy so to say. (guess I should get my money back!) I could tell people how many treatments I had left. Now is different. Now is similar to what Barry's been going through for over 2 years. I'm asked about Barry and myself, how many treatments do you guys have left? Wish there was an answer. But there is no answer. Now I'm able to feel the tumor in my chest area. Yes, it does seem to be smaller, but when it's in your chest and you can still feel it-it's so strange. Twice this week at work people were talking to me, asking how I was feeling. Briefly explained the fatgue (worse than being tired) and their comments were "you don't show it." I continue to try to be optomistic/cheerful. Because if you let yourself get down, one of those times you might not be able to get up so quickly.
Again, thanks Lisa and Dad for asking about me. Means the world to me during difficult times.
PS Looking forward to football season. Tim's doing bass drums and I was so pleased to finally see him play last Friday at Meet the Band night. It's going to be a good year!
Updated thoughts 6:20 p.m. (Dad, some personal comments about mom are following.)
As I enjoyed Barry's tacos for dinner (chuck steak cooked in crock pot for hours in taco seasoning) which were delicious, I got back to my continuous thinking. I once again realize that there are so many people living with chronic conditions, be it heart issues/cystic fibrosis/cancer/and of course alzheimers. And not only do these effect the patient but they also effect the caregiver. I called and spoke to my mother today on Cape Cod. Had a very nice conversation with her. She's been doing through the different stages of alzheimers for the past few years. As usual I asked her how she was doing. And for the first time she said she's been having trouble with remembering and then feeling like an idiot. We talked about how your brain can be so strange. She talked of her first day in elementary school, her desk and even her teacher. But she explained to me what I already knew, very hard to remember every day events. Again, the mind is so strange. And isn't it funny that she remembers not remembering and how frustrating that is for her? I can't imagine what her thoughts are during a normal day. How confusing she must be. I did enjoy that talk with her. Which leads to this. Yes, my mind is full of stuff but others are dealing with difficult situations daily. One of those is my father. I have not written of this before. He is the main caretaker of my mom and takes such good care of her. Am greatful that she is able to go to a senior citizen center a couple days of week. A chance for him to relax and for her to meet other people. Am greatful that he is able to cook the meals and tend to setting out her clothes to wear. See, we all have crosses to bear and do it with a positive attitude.
Thanks, Dad.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Friday, August 03, 2007
Off to get some good chemo drugs...
It's Friday. Time to get some good chemo drugs. And then looking forward to a nice nap.
Update:10 p.m.
Saw Tim march in the downtown parade and then at the Meet the Band performance on the football field. I do agree with Tim that the drumline was a good move for him. A close knit group of friends, enjoying their instruments. Plus you always know when they are playing. I was very proud of him, probably a little emotional this evening for me. Had chemo today and didn't take my usual nap. So a bit pooped.
Plus it didn't help that I fell in the one deep whole on the school property as we headed back to the school. My pie flew out of my hands, twisted my ankle and bruised my knee. Not to mention the damage to my camera. I'm determined to go back there tomorrow after I gather up some dirt to fill in that whole. I can't understand why no one has fixed it, especially since I heard a man say he was leading the band away from that direction. Unfortunately the comment was not addressed or heard my be.
Not a long posting today. Going to hop into bubble bath to relax. Night.
It's going to be a good marching band season, I can feel it!
Update:10 p.m.
Saw Tim march in the downtown parade and then at the Meet the Band performance on the football field. I do agree with Tim that the drumline was a good move for him. A close knit group of friends, enjoying their instruments. Plus you always know when they are playing. I was very proud of him, probably a little emotional this evening for me. Had chemo today and didn't take my usual nap. So a bit pooped.
Plus it didn't help that I fell in the one deep whole on the school property as we headed back to the school. My pie flew out of my hands, twisted my ankle and bruised my knee. Not to mention the damage to my camera. I'm determined to go back there tomorrow after I gather up some dirt to fill in that whole. I can't understand why no one has fixed it, especially since I heard a man say he was leading the band away from that direction. Unfortunately the comment was not addressed or heard my be.
Not a long posting today. Going to hop into bubble bath to relax. Night.
It's going to be a good marching band season, I can feel it!
Thursday, August 02, 2007
I miss Tim...
but he will be home tomorrow...and will show the town what the marching band has learned this week. A big event for a small town.
The past couple of days I've had a mild headache, and did take sudafed for it. Never went away. Forgot to take some before work today, so I walked to drug store to buy some. Took 2 and by lunch the headache was getting worse. After I ate, I lied down on the couch just to close my eyes. The pain was directly behind my eyes.
I then took an extra strength sudafed.
After going back to work, I was feeling no relief. I had plans to go out with a girl friend for dinner directly after work but I called to tell her how I felt. I explained I needed to go home and attempt to sleep for awhile. We made plans to get together a bit later. I could not wait to get into my jammies as my head was hurting so bad, including my neck, and feeling a big nauseous. And when I would cough, ouch. I took a couple migraine excedrins.It seemed like forever just to get into my bed. Don't think I actually fell asleep but my eyes remained shut for about 90 minutes. By the time 6 p.m. came, my headache thankfully was history. I was so thankful.
Dinner was great. But the friendship was even better. Boy, are we lucky to be living in such a caring community. A true blessing.
Well, only had one phone call from Tim this week. Sure do miss him. Can't wait to hear how band camp went this week. It's been a busy and productive summer for him.
The past couple of days I've had a mild headache, and did take sudafed for it. Never went away. Forgot to take some before work today, so I walked to drug store to buy some. Took 2 and by lunch the headache was getting worse. After I ate, I lied down on the couch just to close my eyes. The pain was directly behind my eyes.
I then took an extra strength sudafed.
After going back to work, I was feeling no relief. I had plans to go out with a girl friend for dinner directly after work but I called to tell her how I felt. I explained I needed to go home and attempt to sleep for awhile. We made plans to get together a bit later. I could not wait to get into my jammies as my head was hurting so bad, including my neck, and feeling a big nauseous. And when I would cough, ouch. I took a couple migraine excedrins.It seemed like forever just to get into my bed. Don't think I actually fell asleep but my eyes remained shut for about 90 minutes. By the time 6 p.m. came, my headache thankfully was history. I was so thankful.
Dinner was great. But the friendship was even better. Boy, are we lucky to be living in such a caring community. A true blessing.
Well, only had one phone call from Tim this week. Sure do miss him. Can't wait to hear how band camp went this week. It's been a busy and productive summer for him.
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