Tuesday, May 31, 2005

I am turning into an official conehead. The stubs I used to have are disappearing and now it's the bald look.

Off to work with pink hat and parrot earrings. A good pair.

Today was first day of work after a software update. Therefore, you guessed it. A day from you know what. No lunch break and I worked 1/2 hr. extra just to get my desk cleaned up from my daily work. A very exhausting day. Sure do hope tomorrow is better as I need to be in good shape for Thursday's chemo.

Have spoken to Barry this evening and he is losing some hair on top of his head. Hoping it doesn't all come out. Otherwise, he's going to be my matching conehead.
Time will tell.

I go for blood work tomorrow in preparation for round 2 of chemo. Hope everything is OK to keep rolling.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Where there is faith

Where There Is Faith

I believe in faithfulness
I believe in giving of myself for someone else
I believe in peace and love
I believe in honesty and trust but it's not enough
For all that I believe may never change the way it is
Unless I believe Jesus lives

Where there is faith
There is a voice calling, "keep walking"
You're not alone in this world
Where there is faith
There is a peace like a child sleeping
Hope everlasting in He who is able to
Bear every Burden, to heal every hurt in my heart
It is a wonderful, powerful place
Where there is faith


The above are words from a Christian song I just heard by 4HIM. Wish you could actually hear the song.

I had to work about 5 hours this a.m. Nice way to spend holiday weekend. But was able to do some things today anyway like take a scooter ride, nap and then Barry, Tim and I went to see STAR WARS movie. Pretty good movie. Yes, finally we saw it. Tim's been saying no to all his friends when they have invited him. Wanted to see it with his dad. And we went to new movies with stadium seating. Really nice and roomy.

This weekend what stubby hair I have on my head is coming out. I have found a trick to getting off my scalp. Scotch tape! Don't laugh it works. And it beats it being sore on my scalp, especially when I lay down on it. Am even noticing my legs as having the same prickly feeling. Must be losing the shaved hair on my legs. Yeah, no shaving for a couple of months.

My 2nd chemo is this Thursday. Then I will be 50% done with chemo treatment. One way of looking at it. I'll be taking that day off from work. Past couple of weeks I've been feeling so good that for a moment I forgot what I was going through. But with chemo just a couple of days ago, it does come back to my mind. But at least I know what to expect. Plus, I won't have to worry about losing my hair.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Sunday: worked most of afternoon

The itching was not due to the wig. This a.m. it felt like porcupine, back of my neck. But when I further explored it, it was due to more hair coming out. Am so glad I shaved it already. Little stubs coming out of scalp.

After going to church, I cooked up some 'sghetti and meatballs that Angel Meg had sent over. Another delicious meal. Thank you.

After an early lunch I had to go to work due to a computer upgrade. Worked until 5 p.m. and have to go back early in morning. Some holiday. Would have rather spent the time with family.

For dinner we had hotdogs and hamburgers on the grill, and I made some shrimp pasta salad for the "boys" tomorrow while I'm at work. I expect to work the whole morning.

All in all, a pretty good day.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Tim had a Memorial Day concert to play at this a.m. Was going to be a parade, but changed to an indoor church service due to rain. Nice and sunny now though.

As Barry and I were leaving to go shopping (while Tim was away), we were pleasantly greeted by BJ who was bringing a huge assortment of Dunkin Donuts breakfast goodies. Enough to feed an army. With all these friends, how can you ever feel depressed for a long period of time?

Have spoken to my sister Maureen and she is hoping to be out of hospital this afternoon. Just needs to make sure she keeps meds down. So that is good news.

Since I "pigged" out on donuts, Tim motivated me to take bike ride with him. A little over 2 miles. Enough to get my heart pumping away. And now I deserve my nap!
Thank God for Tim.

Tim is at sleepover at friend's house. Barry and I went out to Chinese buffet. I wore my wig for first time. Told Barry he could think he was on date with another woman! Didn't wear anything under it and now I know what they mean by wigs being itchy. Only wore it in restaurant, not to and from. Just took benadryl to relieve the itch.

My sister Maureen is home from hospital. That's good news.

Friday, May 27, 2005

TGIF

We made it through another work week. Unfortuantely I have to work Sunday and Monday due to a bank update. Only a few hours each day, plus they give us another day off. Which of course will be used as a chemo day! Looks like a nice day so far.

Jeans day at work today so it's an even better day. As for my choice of hat, it's either going to be a Dow Jones cap or a FNB cap. Time will tell...

Thanks to all my buddies at DJ/WSJ last night. And to get another blogger comment makes me more happier than you know.

Heard from my brother in law that Maureen is staying overnite at hospital. Considerable pain. Will miss her bloggin' comments. Had hernia operation.

After dinner, Barry, Tim and I spred mulch out front. This was on our to do list since Mother's Day. Looks great. Really needed it. My oncologist, Dr. Garrow even stopped by for a quick hello. Liked my new "do". A wonderful neighbor to have. Afterwards I spoke to Maureen in the hospital. Quick conversation as the pain is still strong. Think she is need of some of our positive energy tonight.

I would like to thank this week's angels: The Clarks, Sherwoods and LeJeunes. And I have to say one thing: always heard that some of these folks couldn't cook. Well let me tell you this, they've not been telling the truth! Delicious meals made from the heart. Thank you so much. Still would like their recipes.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Bald is beautiful and to be bold is even better..

Since it's a bit cool this a.m., and I don't want to get sick, I think I'm going to "as Jody says" don the hat. And perhaps in my own department shed it and go bald.
I really love it. Didn't know what to do in the shower this a.m. with my head. So much time even after getting out of it. Well, off to early meeting at my job. Keep bloggin' everyone so that I know you are there.

PS. Sorry Bo didn't win American Idol, but he did win me.

Today at work was so cool. I had so many people come up to me and tell me how good I looked. Wore the hat to the meeting and took it off as I was going back to my department. A bold statement on my part. And the only time I put the hat back on was when I got cold. Actually had to get some hot chocolate. And when I got my nails done, I went au naturel and while doing some errands in town. Taking control and feeling good about it.

Am off to Barry's job as they have been very supportive of us. I want to show off my new GI Jane look.

PSS. I have gotten so many emails and blog comments today. You guys are great.

Wishing my sister Maureen (a good blogger) success with her surgery tomorrow. She's one of us and I know she'll do fine.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005


Retta and me. The background sign actually says STYLE. And do you realize how liberating it is to have a shaved head. Well, it is and I am surviving!! Posted by Hello

I didn't ask for cancer, but I'm going to make the best of it.  Posted by Hello

A new beginning, and done with a smile. Posted by Hello

I take control of the situation! and Retta helps me. God Bless friends. Posted by Hello

Angels on earth! Losing hair today but I took CONTROL

Lately when people past my desk at work, they check out to see what I am eating. Often I've had a snack (or two), also. I tell them what I'm eating and I also tell them that Angels deliver our family dinners three times a week. And then I explain the definition of Angel and friend. One in the same. And as you can see from a couple of comments that have been posting, others think that is a cool gesture. I have one suggestion, or should I say my husband does. It would be so nice to have the recipe included with the meal because all the food is so delicious. Again, thanks to our Angels.

Just moments ago, during my lunch, I went to scratch my head and hair came out. I know I've been expecting this to happen and making fun of it, but it is a bit upsetting right now to me. Have just called my hairdresser and she will shave my head tomorrow after my scheduled nail appointment. Since this hair has been in my head for 49 years, I'm saving some pieces for a scrapbook!

Have decided to fight back once again. Going to get head shaved tonight. Not going to let the drugs do it, I'm taking control.

Got the head shaved and it is so liberating. Just what my other bosom buddy cancer survivors told me! Jody and Linda. Don't know why but it is. Just something magical that happens to us. Retta is my hairdresser and she was wonderful to me. I took pictures as I got it shaved and will post them soon. Watching American Idol and hoping Bo wins.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

I must say it was a GREAT day!

Going to try one of my new scarves today. This way I won't try to itch my scalp. Nice bright red one. And I forgot, red earrings also.

As they say, it must be the time of the month (or should I say chemo cycle), but this past weekend and today are GREAT days for me. I feel so good and actually able to chuckle a bit at work today. So many people commented on my new scarf. Made me feel even better. Kept the scarf on all day and wasn't bothered by my scalp. When I talked to doctor's office and they confirmed it was part of losing the hair, I told them what my mother has told me: "all part of the aging process"! Yes, mom you're a smart one.

Short blog tonight. Have to get myself ready for Bo on American Idol.

Thanks for so many nice comments. Love them.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Itchy scalp

Barry's aches seemed to disappear at about 1 a.m. last night. Today is a good day for him.

I'm beginning to get some pimples in my scalp (which is also a bit itchy). Have been told this is the start of the hair coming out. Am prepared so bring it on. I know it will probably be a bit upsetting for me, but considering the whole scheme of things I can handle it.

By the time I got home from work, my scalp and even eye brows are itchy. Per nurse Maureen (my sister) I have taken some benadryl. As Tim said to me, this way you'll be glad when the hair comes out! Smart kid.

I got new hats/scarf in mail today which I ordered. Can't wait to wear them. A new me which is going to be different and better than the old one...

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Barry feels the aches of Neulasta/chemo

Barry is now feeling the aches of neulasta/chemo. Sternum/shins/ankles. Has taken a pain pill and is feeling a bit better. Now he knows what day/s will be crummy for him. One side effect that has gone away is the tingly feeling in his fingers, that's from one of the chemo drugs.

Tim and I went out for awhile to do some shopping in Boardman. I turned around and he was sound asleep listening to his music. Don't know what made me think this, but I prayed that he continue to be strong during our treatments. And as I prayed I couldn't help but cry a bit. He's such a good and smart kid and I can't imagine what is going on in his head. No kid should have to go through such a thing. And believe me, I know of no book that is entitled "how to deal with your child when both parents have cancer." Going shopping broke up our day a bit, he was able to get some new shorts at Old Navy so he's quite content.

I've come to the conclusion that Tim's going to do just fine. How could he not, look at his parents! Just my last thoughts of the day.

Saturday, May 21, 2005


This is me in my 2nd Relay for Life Cancer event. A beautiful day to meet wonderful friends. Posted by Hello

Me, Michelle and Jody: Smiling for a cause. Posted by Hello

Cancer survivors: 1 month to 5 years. Posted by Hello

A 7 year old cancer survivor!  Posted by Hello

A great day at my 2nd Relay for Life event!

Believe it or not, I was in bed at 8:15 p.m. last night. And probably asleep within 10 minutes. A tiring week for me. I don't think there are many moments of the day/week that cancer is not on my mind. And even more so with Barry's diagnosis. So, for me to be able to sleep is a gift. I slept right through until 7:15 a.m.!! A record for me. No bathroom breaks even. And to finally dream once again was so nice. It's the type of sleep that when you wake up, you stretch your toes to the end of the bed and just feel so good. I didn't even hear Tim and his friend Jonathan last night.

Looks like another great day out there. Hope everyone enjoys it to the fullest.

I have changed today's title because I just got back from my 2nd Relay for Life event and it was so inspirational! The first one I went to in town had about 15 survivors, and this event had about 375 registered survivors. A much larger event and very moving. I am so thankful that Jody invited me to it, and for the opportunity to meet so many of her friends who are survivors.
Thanks Jody! I not only met her friends but I also recognized a lady who goes to my church. A face that I had seen a couple of times but was too shy to go up to. I noticed her once with a great scarf but didn't do anything about it. So today I took advantage of the situation and introduced myself to her. She is a young breast cancer survivor raising two young children. Her name is Michelle. I've said this before and I'll say it again, had I not been diagnosed with breast cancer I would never have met such great and inspirational people. Somehow it's all in God's hands, I truly believe that.

So many memories to enjoy and to go over in my mind from today. Barry continues to be good, considering it's his first weekend from receiving chemo. And thank God for that.

Just a great day.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Day after Chemo for Barry

I slept great last night for a change. Not even a bathroom break. Barry, on the other hand, had the side effects of lots of energy (one of the pre-meds) and therefore lots on his mind. And if that's the only side effect, he's doing fine.

Our friend Becky is creating a meal of love for us tonight. Has kept it a mystery and can't wait to see what it is. She's like me, a usual non-cooker of meals. Thanks again to all my friends.

I'll be off to work today and it's Barry's day off. He did work last night, and it was not an easy night. But a quality paper was produced which made him happy in the end.

Barry invited me to lunch which was a pleasant surprise. Always a treat to eat out. Afterwards, he went to cancer center for his neulasta (booster) shot. Hope he doesn't ache like I did last weekend.

You should see our lawn. Tim did the back yard this p.m., and Barry in my opinion, over did it in the woods area and creek area. He spent a good 4 hrs. weedwacking and such. Too much work and am sure he'll pay the price. Think he'll sleep fine tonight since he didn't sleep last night and he did lots today. End result, the lawn is in excellent shape.

June Cleaver/AKA Becky delivered our meal this evening. Yes, she does cook after all! And it was delicious, like all the other meals we've had. As I would tell my mother when I would visit the Cape, "have never had a bad meal yet."

Tim's got a friend sleeping over tonight. A good change for him. In morning he refs a game, and later in the day I am hoping to go to another Relay for Life cancer walk.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

And now Barry's first chemo treatment

My husband Barry's first chemo treatment is today at 10 a.m. I will be going with him for support. His treatment will last a total of 4 hrs. It consists of a 4 hr. slow IV drip, unlike my chemo. It is so wonderful hearing from so many people about our journey. We certainly are not alone now. As a friend told me when I went to my first oncology appt., you will not be alone in the waiting room. Many people who love you will be beside you.

On more thing: slept so good last night. Only woke up once. Yeah.

We got to the appt. at 10 a.m., unfortunately they were running behind schedule due to people calling in sick. And since we did not know his pre-meds would take about 45 minutes to administer, just getting home at about 5:30 p.m. A very long and tiring day. Luckily Barry was able to sleep a portion of the time, but I wasn't able to do so. Barry did great! Tomorrow he goes for his neulasta shot and hopefully won't be as achy as I was last weekend. I did drop Barry off at his job for a few hours to do some paperwork and will pick him up earlier if needed.

That's it for today. A bit tired to write anymore right now. Going to lie down a bit, Tim outside cutting the lawn.

PS. I spoke to social worker today at the Center. She contacted Karen, the woman I met at the Look Good program and has told her that I would like her telephone number. When I got home today, there was a message from Karen giving me her work and home phone number. Can't wait to talk to her. Not sure how many weeks her treatment is ahead of mine.

PSS. I called Karen and spoke to her. Having cancer has given me another friend in this world. How lucky can I be? She will be doing her 2nd chemo treatment tomorrow, therefore is a couple of weeks ahead of me. She's had no side effects so far. It was great being able to talk to her and I'm sure we will keep in touch. A wonderful spirit.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Meals of love and new bloggers

Couldn't get into bed fast enough last night. Had good time at program, but during the p.m. at work I was feeling as if I was losing steam. Sort of a stiff neck coming, a lot of burping and a feeling of lump in my throat as I swallowed. So wished I could just lie down somewhere but I was at work. My sister told me to take tums and to speak to doctor about it. I'll call my doctor this a.m. Still don't feel %100 now. But I must say that I slept the longest intervals last night.

My work environment is strange. I continue to work there with little and no comments like "how are you feeling?" from my area. There is one girl that does talk to me about the cancer. But others perhaps don't know what to say. I just would expect more since I do have more than just a common cold. I am thankful for a couple of my buddies at the job, and they know who they are.

I did make a call to the nurse at the Cancer Center on how I've been feeling. She told me to take a compazine pill/anti nausea. Also, said these are probably my crappy days. Have to go through a cycle to see what/how your body will react. That way you know for next cycles. The pill did the trick and the burping stopped. I just had very little energy at work, just kept yawning most of the time.

Came home once again to another wonderful meal of love. Thanks to Lisa, Kelly, Meg and Michelle for the recent meals. It is such a load off of my mind, you wouldn't believe it. Also, thanks to all my new blogger friends. You bring a smile to my face as I read your comments.

Go Bo! American Idol

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Look good and feel even better.

Just wanted to say thanks to all my new "posters" of comments. Now I know you are out there reading my journal. Gives me more strength in knowing that.

After work I went to American Cancer Society Look Good Feel Better program. They give you about $130 free cosmetics, along with helpful hints about wigs/scarves. Met some more wonderful ladies. There was one woman there, her name is Karen. She volunteered to have her hair shaved as today it was coming out all over. What a gal. She was wearing such a beautiful hat, so color co-ordinated. I asked if she always wore hats, and she said no. Her hair was cut short like mine. She said that she didn't ask to be in this situation but was going to make the best of it! My kind of people.

If only I can remember how to put on the makeup by myself. I wish I could save my face as it is now. Really look nice in my opinion.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Friends are ....

Just look at my blog and comments and you will find the definition of friends. To think I can come home from working and have a meal waiting for me is to be a blessing. Thank you.

Our first meals of love were delivered today. What a treat. Can't tell you how much this gesture means to me/us. I am so thankful that we moved to God's country.

I did get some positive news from the drug company Emend. I have been approved for free pills for the anti-nausea. The pills I used for my first chemo cost over $330 since insurance didn't cover them. But thanks to the Cancer Center and Brenda, my social worker, Emend approved them for me. They will automatically send them to me a week before each treatment. And if needed, I have 1 year of supply. There certainly are angels on earth.

Work was extremely busy today. Didn't help that I had wicked headache. But the nurse at the Cancer Center did tell me that I could take percacet or the like for the pain. And of course, ativan for anxiety/stress. I did take these when I came home and I feel much better. A nice feeling of almost la la land. Will be a pleasure not to have a headache.

Tomorrow I go to Look Good Feel Better class at the Cancer Center. Looking forward to it.
I also have a check up with my surgeon, assuming that will be my last one.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Some aches

Didn't sleep well last night, even with sleeping pill. Tossed and turned. At 6 a.m., I took an alleve and attempted to go back to sleep. Flu like aches in my legs and a bad headache continue.
Since the headache wasn't getting any better, I took some sudafed because it could be sinus headache. I also found that when I put a hot face cloth on my eyes it felt so good. But of course, the heat doesn't last a long time.

At about 11:30, Barry suggested I get up and move to my chair in living room since it was such a nice day. So I did. Enjoyed a popsicle as I looked out the window. After a short while, Tim told me that I had a visitor in the back yard. Another deer! All by herself. Another sign from God that I needed to be up to see her. After she left the yard, Tim and I went into the woods and left some food for others to enjoy later. We also tossed out some old apples that we had.

Barry has gone to WalMart to look at new thermometers. It's very important that we watch for any fevers that we may get. Having a reliable thermometer is important. Tim has gone for a bike ride by himself. He usually bikes for about 9 or so miles. I've showered and my headache seems better. Will take more sudafed soon. Barry looks at me and hopes that he feels better than I do next week. I'm sure he will do fine.

Friends are so kind to us. They ask what they can do. I say continue to pray, but if you really want to know what would be like heaven it would just a simple meal. Even when I'm full of energy I don't like to think of meals. So now even a frozen meal sounds good to me. Last week I made a big batch of chicken soup so I could freeze a couple of containers for a "rainy" day.

I made myself get outside and walk to Lisa's house with Tim today. A bit tired but that's ok. That way I deserved my nap later on.

Symptoms I have noticed:
My sense of taste right now is gone. Nothing in my mouth tastes like anything. Am hoping this is short term because it certainly doesn't make you want to eat anything.
Headache has returned. Not as bad. Will check with doctor tomorrow to see if he can prescribe something.
Body aches no worse. Am noticing that even my teeth/jaw are sore.

Lisa P. telephoned me this evening. Friends had been asking her what they could do for us, and they've come up with making us some meals for the week. This week's meals for Monday, Wednesday and Friday are going to be taken care of by our friends. That is truly the definition of friendship, and I deeply appreciate the kindness. Had you ever asked me in the past about accepting help in this manner, I would have said there was no need. But have learned that accepting help is acceptable.

As I was doing the dishes tonight, I had a weepy time and Tim noticed. He came over and asked if I needed a hug. I told him that I certainly did need one, we're all going through so much right now. I try not to show tears in front of him but am only human. I told him that I was so lucky to have him, lucky that he's as grown up as he is. We talked about God giving us what we can handle, and we said that He will help us through these times. I have a very smart and caring son.

This picture was taken today after I walked to Lisa's house with Tim. I got myself motivated. Posted by Hello

This pill is called Emend and is used for anti-nausea. Cost me $110.00 and was worth every penney. Did not get sick. Posted by Hello

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Day 3 following Chemo/ First effects of Neulasta

I have changed my blog name to reflect the recent news in my life.

Yesterday was an extremely busy day for any person, but for me since it was my 2nd day after chemo it was a lot more. But a day that a lot was accomplished.

Didn't sleep well last night. Up looking at the clock often. Woke up with another headache, which is a side effect of one of the chemo drugs. Took some tylenol along with my 3rd and last emend anti-nausea pill. Thank God that the anti-nausea pills do their job. Hard to explain what I am feeling today. As my bosom buddy Jody told me, you may feel like you're getting the flu with the bones aching. And that's how I am feeling. That is the neulasta doing it's job, building up bone marrow. It can last 3-5 days and will get stronger in pain. Just need to take alleve, motrin or tylenol. And I'm staying in my jammies today and attempting to rest for a change.

Due to my small body build, the doctor said I will feel the effects of that pill. Barry is possibly seeing first hand what he will be feeling next week.

That's it for now. Just had some soup and ready to lie down some more. A healing kind of a day for me. A well deserved day to be in bed.

Had a nice call this p.m. from "cousin" Tim. It was great to talk to him, and he also was able to talk with Barry. It sounded good just listening to Barry talk to his cousin. A lot more positive feelings than I've heard in past few weeks. You have to understand this, not knowing can be worse than knowing. After his call, I got out of my pj's and eventually went to the grocery store with Tim (son). We bought all the makings for banana splits. That's my latest downfall, something I've been enjoying this past week. Also picked up some pineapple, apples, strawberries and pears. Healthy food to munch on. It was pouring when we went to the store, and do you know what I did? I stood out in the rain and just enjoyed it hitting my face. Going through times like these make you appreciate the littlest things in life. Oh yes, Tim and I did buy what could be a winning lottery ticket at the store!! Will keep you posted if we do win.

When we pulled into the driveway from the grocery store, we were greeted by 3 deer in the back yard. Truly a sign from God. Deer have always been such a blessing to me, so they appeared at just the right time.

Another day is done. Did take some alleve for my body aches and head ache, and will be hitting the bed soon. Please, if you do take the time to read my journal, please post comments so that I do know that you are there reading it. It does give me additional inspiration just to read your comments. And thanks for adding us to your prayer chains.

Friday, May 13, 2005

WE ARE SURVIVORS! And now I will explain:

I have not posted anything to this blog all day, and it's for a very good reason.

At about 4:15 p.m. yesterday, I heard the results of Barry's liver biopsy from his doctor. He called me since Barry was at work and I was allowed to hear the results of the biopsy. Once again, in less than 2 months I heard the word CANCER. Once again, I was home alone as Tim was at a track meet. I don't know how God gives you the strength but He does. After he said the word cancer, he stopped for a moment and told me to take it in. I of course cried and didn't know what to do. Should I call him at his job since I already knew he was in a foul mood from not hearing results, should I drive to his job and tell him in person or wait until he comes home at midnite. The doctor told me that he was against me driving there as I just had my first chemo treatment and should not be driving so stressed. He explained that he was on call and that when Barry got home, he could call him for the news. I left it like that, I wouldn't tell him.
CT scan of brain/head along with bone scans will need to be done on Barry.

They type of cancer is adenocarcinoma. It is on the liver, but is NOT liver cancer. The origin is probably the lungs which also had spots showing on previous scan.

At 7:30 p.m. Barry called and asked if the doctor called me with results. I asked him if he wanted the truth if he was at work. He said yes, and I told him. Actually he took it quite well. Had wished I told him earlier since his boss had just left and many other employees were concerned about the results.

When he came home a few hours later, we hugged and knew the next day would yield a lot of questions. I then went to bed.

All the above happened yesterday.

Today:

Busy and productive day. By 8:30 a.m. the doctor had lined up all tests needed to be done. Time was for 10 a.m. We then went to see his boss to talk in person to. Went to lunch at Hickory Grill since we didn't make it there yesterday. Went to a 1 p.m. appt. with Dr. Garrow, OUR oncologist for consultation. I also had follow up appt. for my first chemo treatment along with the neulasta shot to build up white blood cells. Side effects will be achey bones which means the drug is working and building up bone marrow.

Barry's treatment will be the following and will start next THURSDAY:

He will go through 3 cycles of chemotherapy with an IV of Taxol and Carboplatin. It will take about 4 hrs. for each treatment. It has to go in slowly. It is a very potent drug combination.
Should not need anti nausea pills like I take for 3 days. Will go in next day for neulasta like I do.
After the 3 cyles, additional CT scans will be taken to see if tumor has shrunk. This will determine if treatment will be continued. He reiterated that he does not have liver cancer, cancer cells have settled on/near liver from other place. Most like lungs. We don't worry about the source as we will be fighting it with even more powerful drugs.

It's been a very long day for both of us. And of course, we had to tell Tim once again that terrible word. But you know. I think we will all make it. I know we will make it.

Barry's attitude has even changed. Past 3 weeks he appeared doomed, but with a diagnosis and treatment plan the unknown is now known. That makes all the difference.

Have told my family and close friends, and they don't know how I am getting through this. I have shed tears today but can't continue to cry. Negative energy and a son to be a role model to. And if you're not walking, you're not going anywhere. It's by the grace of God that I/We will make it.

Please continue to pray for us.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

First Chemo Treatment today

It was on March 15th that Dr. Henwood said the word cancer to me. And here it is about 2 months later and I'm having my first chemo treatment. Time flies when you're having fun!
Appt. is at 10:30 a.m. and I'm not sure how long it will be. They have to put the chemo drugs in very slowly the first time.

First chemo is complete!!! 1/4 of the way done for chemo. Got there at 10:30 a.m. and got home at 1:30 p.m. There was a bit of a delay due to them not receiving the echocardiogram results yet. Kendra was my nurse. She was so nice like everyone that has come into my life lately. Once connected up with the IV she inserted a steroid along with about 15 minutes to administer the adriamycin (red coolaid) by syringe into the IV. This was then followed by 1/2 hour drip of the second drug that starts with a C. They usually go hand in hand. Adriamycin is a powerful anti-cancer drug.

After coming home I called my family to tell them the news. The one thing that tells me I have chemo drugs in me is that my urine is red due to the drug. Tomorrow I have to go back for follow-up and to get a shot of neulasta to boost my white blood cells. Science has really improved with these drugs.

Will probably hit my bed this p.m. for a nice nap just to rest my brain. At least now I know the process, it's not an unknown to me. The only unknown right now is what will the drugs do to me in the next couple of weeks. All in all, I feel great right now to have this in the past.

In looking back at the day right now, only thing I have is a headache but that could be stress related. Have taken tylenol and anxiety pill. Only was able to rest for short time.

Highlight of my day at 7:24 p.m. was seeing about 4 deer in back woods along with Tim's pet raccoon. A sign from God.

Love you all.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

One more day

And I'll be on a new journey. I'm thinking of this as a second chance to re-create myself even better. Am off to work wearing a dress! Yes, a dress that only happens couple times each summer. Plus earrings instead of my usual studs. It's all about attitude.

Wish I had known what kind of a day it was going to be at work today. I would have called in sick myself. Someone else did call in sick for some reason, plus someone on vacation. So, just another sucky day at work. I've already vented to my close friends about the whole deal at work so I won't go back over the old wounds.

When Barry went to fill my presciption for anti-nausea pills to be taken the day of treatment, followed by the next two days (a total of 3 pills), he was told that insurance did not cover them.
$333.00 was the cost for these 3 pills, which I will need for the other 3 treatments. It's hard to believe nowadays that with so much cancer out there, insurance companies can charge this fee.
It just adds to the already stressed situation the cancer patient is in. But as Barry said, you need the pills so we have to just buy them. Am thankful that we had the money to even pay for them.

A tiring day but I have to look forward. Can't go backwards. Have already taken ativan for anxiety, and will take another one in a.m. along with one of my $100 pills. If I don't get sick I guess it is worth the money!

Until tomorrow....

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

A great day/New changes

Today I went to the Cancer Center and met with Brenda, a nurse oncologist. She explained the different drugs that I will be administered on Thursday. She also gave me prescriptions to fill and to use the day of treatment. Nausea pills. After our meeting, I finally got to see where the chemo is done. I think this was so beneficial since it was an unknown in my head, not knowing what to expect. It's a round shape room, with separate "suites" for individual treatments around 1/2 the room. Each room has a curtain if you want privacy, television, vcr, recliner chair for patient and another chair for a visitor. They have a fully stocked refrigerator with tons of fruit cups and soda, and of course lots of saltines. After meeting with Brenda, I went to the hospital for an echocardiogram. This will serve as a baseline for future purposes if needed.

After work, I picked up Lisa P. and we went to Images and looked at wigs. I jumped at the first wig which was just what I had on my mind. A bob-style cut and the color is like a frosted blonde. Really nice. Billie then cut my hair short like I used to wear it many years ago. At last I have short hair again!! Poor Barry.. My sister Eileen saw me on the webcam and says I look much younger now. This weekend I am going to have Tim take pictures of my hair cut and of me wearing my new wig.

I don't know if you can sense this by this writing, but I'm feeling pretty positive and comfortable about my situation. I know with the help of good meds and positive thinking that I will make it through what actually is a small portion of my life. And as my bosom buddy Jody said to me:
after this treatment I am 1/4 of the way done!

P.S. No news on Barry's liver biopsy. They did tell him that it should be ready by Wednesday.
So hopefully tomorrow we will hear from doctor. I did speak to the surgeon today so they know we are anxiously waiting for the results.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Another nice day.

Well, it looks like another nice day in Pennsylvania. But looks can be deceiving. Off to work soon. Nothing else to report now, just wanted to show that I'm awake and kickin' in Pa.

It was one of those days from you know what at work today. Definitely not one of the positive energy days that I am in need of for this week. System was down and the day just went down the tubes. Would like to say something positve came out of the hours at work today but I would be lying. And I'm no liar. Hoping tomorrow is better.

One of the best things about this week is that I'm only working 3 days.

Tomorrow is busy day for me. I have a chemo teaching class followed by an echocariogram at the hospital. Apparently the chemo drugs that you are given do a job on your heart. And then after work I am going to look at wigs and hopefully get my hair cut there. Lisa P. is coming with me, and I'm looking forward to it.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Happy Mother's Day!

And Happy Birthday to my sister Eileen.
And it's a gorgeous day in Western Pennsylvania. Sun shining nice and bright. Temps in the 70's.
Made up some hanging bags and baskets of impatients.

Tim took me to Dutch Isle and we shared a banana split. It doesn't take much to please me!

Took a nice 2 hr. nap and then did what Tim has told me to do lately: I rode my scooter around town a bit. And as usual, when other bikers passed me, they gave me the hi wave. See, I'm just like the big guys!

All in all, a good day in the neighborhood. No complaints on my end. Later.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Saturday

Tim had a track and field day today. He was only signed up for one event: triple jump, and therefore was done practically before it began. That was fine with me. I drove him 1/2 way up north to meet the Pearsons so that he can dirt bike at their camp with them. This is his first time going there was quite excited. They already took his bike last evening.

Made an appointment at a beauty salon next Tuesday after work to look at wigs. This beauty salon is affiliated with America Cancer Society's Look Good Feel Better program. They will also show me how to use scarves properly. It's done privately so that is nice. After sweating outside for a few minutes today, I mentioned to Barry that it will be nice not to push away my bangs/hair and just be bald. Summer is the perfect time to shed some hair!

Barry and I also made a WalMart trip. I bought some ginger ale just to have on hand for the days after chemotherapy. I call it an insurance policy. Nothing like going out for something you need when you don't feel good. I already have saltines just in case.

I bought some impatients and potting soil, and may work on my flower bags this weekend. I have six bags to be creative with this year.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Barry's 2nd liver biopsy

Left the house at 6 a.m. and got home from Pittsburgh at 5 p.m. A long day.

The actual ultrasound guided biopsy was only about 15 minutes. Afterwards, Barry had to lie on his side for a few hours. They got 3 tissue samples this time. This procedure was easier for him than the first one. Will have to wait until mid next week for results. The hospital was very easy to find. No problems in getting there.

A long day so short blog for now. Just wanted to tell everyone that we are home safe and sound.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

First appt. with oncologist

Today's the day. Heck, had you asked me a couple of months ago about the need to see an oncologist, I would have thought you to be crazy. But, our lives can change in an instant. At times it is best not to know the future.

Am a bit anxious as can be expected. My stomach of course is how I can tell that. I try to be honest in my posting. Spent some time in bathroom last night which is proof in that.

Appt. is at 10:20 a.m. Thanks Meg for your kind words. And everyone else who is watching over me.

Barry went with me to the first appt. Dr. Garrow is so comforting to talk to and to listen to. And that's such a plus. I got a lot of my questions answered.

Here are some things I learned today:

May 10th, I will be having an echocardiogram as a baseline for my heart, along with a chemotherapy teaching session. This is when I will have a tour of the chemo area and be explained specifically what will happen when it starts.

May 12th is my first chemo treatment in the morning. It will be a longer session than the others as they have to insert it in the IV at a slow pace the first time. A normal treatment is about 1 1/2 hrs. I will not be working this day and the next day for sure. The first treatment usually will be guideline for how the other sessions go. I will be having 4 treatments at 3 week intervals. Total is 12 weeks. And then I will have radiation for about 6 weeks.

May 13th I go in for a "booster" shot to up my white cell count a bit. I don't have specific name of drug right now.

Dr. Garrow did confirm that hair loss is a side effect and recommended that it be cut before it comes out from the drug. This will be done. I have information about wig companies that I will be looking into. I think I will do a variety of things: wig, scarves and turban/hats. Variety is the spice of life.

I have stage 2 cancer/nodes negative. Hormone receptor negative. Will probably not need tomoxafin.

All the people I came into contact today at the Cancer Center were so caring. I spoke to the social worker who is my advocate for anything that needs to be done or looked into. She is able to be talked to at any time. Her name is Brenda. She ended the meeting by giving me a hug. Now that's my kind of person.

A lot to remember today, but I think I did a good job. Thank goodness I took notes!

On the road....to healing and recovery.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

I'm all set for tomorrow

After what seems like forever is coming tomorrow. I have my first appointment with my oncologist Dr. Garrow. Different emotions in my head but I'm all set. I have a brand new note book to take notes, along with a list of questions that I've printed from a couple of websites. Questions to ask the doctor once diagnosed with cancer. Barry will pick me up at work and we will go together. Am thankful the appointment is in the morning so that I don't have to wait around all day.

I am sure that I will have lots to write in my blog tomorrow. Thanks to everyone for your continued good wishes for both Barry and myself. It's a busy week for us.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Pooped but I'll make it

As I left for work this a.m. I noticed a bunch of turkeys in front yard. That was a nice site.

A tiring day at work (again). I've come home pooped. Between all the phone calls and trying to line up Barry's next biopsy, it's so much to handle. Just mentally exhausted with scheduling everything.

When I pulled into the driveway, I finally heard from Dr.'s office that the appt. has been scheduled for this Friday morning in Pittsburgh. An ultrasound guided liver biopsy. He'll have to be in recovery for 3-4 hrs. So it will be another long day at a hospital for us.

Watched my favorite show of the week, American Idol. Go Bo is all I can say. I really enjoy watching him.

After looking back at today, I have to try not to waste my energy on things that I have no control over. Hard thing to do, but I have to perfect that. As a good friend told me, I have to walk the walk and talk the talk. Good advice, friend.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Back to work

I went back to work today after being gone last week. Actually it wasn't that bad. Probably because the problems I deal with on the phone are nothing compared to what's happening in our lives.
It was disappointing that since last Friday we have not got a doctor's appt. in Pittsburgh scheduled for Barry. I spoke to Dr. Henwood's office and they have not heard from the doctor who they faxed a report to last Friday. This is terrible, creating time out of Barry's job and more aggravation that is not needed right now. I would have thought we would have got faster service. Hopefully something will come tomorrow.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

And now for May

This is going to be a busy week for me. I will be seeing Dr. Garrow, my oncologist on Thursday for the first time. The good thing is that I am familiar with him since he's a neighbor of mine. I am anxious to meet with him and expect the appointment to be informative. I have my list of questions ready along with a brand new notebook to keep my notes. This was suggested to me by other cancer survivors. So much is usually discussed that it's hard to remember what is said once you leave the office. It's the not knowing that can make you go crazy.

Barry's biopsy came back inconclusive so he has to meet with an interventional radiologist in Pittsburgh. Our surgeon is scheduling this appointment and will get back to us. Here's a link to explain this specialized field of radiology: http://www.cc.nih.gov/drd/sp/whatis.html
Needless to say, we both have our anxieties to deal with right now.

I return back to work tomorrow. I've been treated by my doctor for anxiety due to my own condition. Am thinking positive that once I know what my treatment plan is that the anxiety will not be as bad. As I've said before, cancer is 24/7 right now in my/our lives. Nothing that I would ever recommend to anyone to go through.

Tim slept over 12 hrs. last night. Does say he's feeling better which is good news. Didn't want to wake a sleeping kid.

My sister Maureen sent this positive quote to me that she heard on TV last night:
"You can't see the future if you are looking through tears!"