Getting what I've earned in all my working years.

Yesterday I went with Barry and filed for disability. Never thought I would be doing that, but I've not received a cent from the college in all these months. Perhaps I was supposed go ask but when you don't feel good those things don't pop into your head. And up until the brain tumor I was OK in working part time, and then the cancer found it's way into my head and that was a zinger. Once I knew I had been paralyzed and my speech had been impaired, that shook me up some. It was my husband and my family that pushed me to file with social security, to get something to go with all those times I went to work feeling not so good. But there is now a part of me that feels defeated, as my job was my therapy. Sort of like a death, a loss. But as Tim said to me, now I can concentrate on healing myself. I've raised a good smart child. And on my side is that disability has just included breast cancer with a higher rating as to speed it through the process for people to make claims on it. The woman at the office yesterday a.m. said that with all that I've been through it will be a quick decision.

I had not told my co-workers yet. I wanted to get the papers filed and people told in person. I stopped by the college before lunch to see my bosses but they were at meeetings. I did whisper in HR's ear as we hugged that I had just filed. She said good for you, and that she would be the one that papers would go to. Made some visits to other friends but didn't say a word. Just told the man that heads the department the news.

And I do know that between all the support the college has given us, it will continue. Along with the churches in the area. Heck, it's such a great community.

So when I came in from my job, Barry could tell that I've been crying. It's just another turn in the road of life, and the system is out there to help people like me.
I certainly never abused this illness, and will continue to fight with more strength.

Tim's soccer team went to playoffs in Erie this p.m. Barry drove up by himself. Just heard that the team lost. It was going to be so cold. One thing I did hear was that Tim used his hand warmers to keep warm.

Weekend update

Twice I've had diarrhea with the past few days. Not sure what has caused it. One of days all I did was sleep all day. But have to say that was way my body is healing from recent chemo treatment.

Tim won the soccer game on Saturday and they are now in the playoffs. Yahoo. Barry did see this game on Saturday. But the next game is Tuesday night and it's up in Erie. Not local.

Becky called me at noon today. Asked if I listened to the church on the radio. I said no. She's going to get tape of the sermon as my name was mentioned in Lisa H.'s
sermon. I am considered to be "insprirational". I tell you the truth that there are many days I don't feel that way. And I am this way for my son Tim. If you know me, you know that fact. He's the reason I keep on going forward. I am so proud of him.

Senior Night at Tim's soccer game

Since it was Sr. night for Tim's soccer game, they were recognized and had photos taken with their parents. Or in my situation, with me. It was a large senior group of about 12 or so kids. Had lots of people taking pictures, tomorrow I will download.

When I got there it was just right the temperature, but within 10 minutes I was freezing. First place that freezes is my chest plate and then right arm. Then I moved up to the press box. Sheltered from the elements but still couldn't get the chill off. I couldn't wait to get home but wanted to see the whole game as it could be the last time I get a chance to see Tim play. I was so pleased to have Patti's company up there, she had asked Beckster where I was. The score: a win for us. 12-zero.

The walk to the car seemed to take so long. I was in so much pain. Hard to explain. It's a muscle aching, and as I fight it it gets worse. Didn't even see Tim after the game. He unfortunately did not score any goals. But played well.

Jammies are on, pain meds are in system. Blood work tomorrow.

Hopefully the tenseness will go away soon. I know from this I will be spending most of these evenings to come inside the house.

Thenks Beckster, Rick and Patti.

Happy Anniversary, Maureen and Gene

A welcome light overlooks the colors of fall. So pretty. You have to look for the little things in life that make you smile.

 

I personally don't consider back of the head as I would the front of the face. Do you agree, Jean?

 

One more day of a shot-white blood cells

Tomorrow will be my 4th trip to the Cancer Center for the shot. And by 2 p.m. daily, I am wiped out. I can't wait until Tim is done with soccer, that way I have someone to stay awake for and with. When he's gone to his games, I just sleep. Thursday is Senior night. I'll be there to celebrate his last game of his high school career. Am hoping it is warmer and dryer than today. It was raining and about 37 degrees for today's game. I may just have to stay in press box until the portion of the game that sr.s are recognized. Otherwise, I'm going to be in serious chest plate pain.

Yesterday a dream came true to me. The Pres. of the College and his wife stopped by as promised while on a weekend trip for Homecoming. He had retired a few months ago, and we've been keeping up to date. I was so excited and honored to think they took time out of their busy lives to stop by and give hugs to me. I took a few pictures but promised Jean I would not blog them. But I do have the 3 of us as my wallpaper on my computer. I told them a personal goal for me would be to go visit them in Virginia. Everyone needs a goal, something to look forward to.

While I was at Cancer Center a friend of mine was there. She's going to have a mastectomy in a couple of weeks. Not sure what type, but I as I left her I gave her a hug for good luck.

Heard from my dad on Cape Cod that my best friend from my childhood Mary Lou called and stopped by for a visit today. She got to drive him around the area, as he's not been able to drive himself. She was on Cape Cod for Sunday Night Football and the Patriots I believe. She also contacted me to tell me how much fun she had with the ole fart...

Minor bone aches

That's it. Just minor bone aches for the day. Must mean the shot is working on my white blood cells. Not mentioning my chest plate, because that's a continuous pain.
Listened to church on the radio. Good thing. Could hear lots of coughing in the church. And when I am at home, I can still have my jammies on and under the covers!
Too many germs. By the way, hair still on my head...

Tim and his new friend.

 

My best friend, Tim.

 

I just love this town.

 

Tim and the Marching Band on a beautiful fall day.

 

Another good day

Another good day as days can be. We went to the College's Homecoming Parade. It was a day meant for a parade. Just the right fall temperature. Tim did yard work and mulched up lots of leaves. There are still more to come down. Job security.

It's coming out..

Had asked Dr. S. today about losing the hair. She said that it would definitely be gone. It has been 3 weeks. Just now I was doing my hair pulling test, and she was right on target. The signs are there. But I told her, I've been there before. Just now it's a new season. Have never been bald in cold temps. Perhaps that will make me wear my wigs. Will be visiting my girl friend Retta soon for a buzz cut. Last week I went to another hairdresser with Barry for a short cut. I was in desperate need for a trim and clean up. Unlike the times before, I am not rushing to get it cut. Don't ask me why...'cause I have no answer.

Chemo 2 continues

Well, got home at noon from having chemo. Barry had made me grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup. I watched my soap which I had not done that often. By 2 p.m. I was in my jammies.

Beckster called me from the soccer field and told me in loud Beckster voice that Tim had scored TWO goals so far. (they ended up winning the game). While I was on the phone she cheered because he attempted a shot on goal. Told me not to worry about not being able to see Tim perform tonight, and that made the flood gates open. I had been thinking in my brain of ways I could see them perform, how to sneak in, sit all by myself isolated. But she put a reality to the situation and said it's not worth putting myself in that situation with so many sick people. I understood, and explained that Lisa P. was going to tape it for me anyway. Thanks Lisa. Tim gave me the disk, now I just have to see how I play it on DVD player. I'm not that great with disks. Cathy C. and she said she would tape for me.


Tim did soccer and left early from the game to go to chorus. Cathy C. took him from one place to the other. He just got home 1/2 hr ago all excited from his afternoon of activities. Rightly so.

I think his first band concert is the last week of Oct. I haven't checked to see how that fits into my chemo schedule.

When I was laying down I think Maureen called me. She wanted to see how I was feeling. Conversation was very quick, so quick it doesn't even seem to register in my brain! Silly me. I have an excuse, chemo brain...

Thanks for all you blog watchers. I'm impressed a blog entry on a chemo day...


PS. Have to say that my pain level is down. Hopefully it's because I was in bed truly all day. Even my chest plate area feels better. Or perhaps it's just the fresh drugs inside my body, finding their way to the bad cancer... One can hope, can't they?

Off to chemo #2 (lost track of what type of treatment)

Heading to 9:30 a.m. chemo. All depends on my counts being good. And then to bed I'm pretty sure.

Overly tired

Getting ready for chemo this Thursday. Pain continues to be especially in collar bone area. Have told so many medical people about the area in question, but no conclusion. Very frustrating. You can tell I'm not myself when I don't post on my blog. That or I don't have anything to say!

Tim has a chorus concert this Wednesday, but I think I'm going to pass on it. Need to save my limited energy for Thursday, and I don't need to be at risk in such a crowded area. Tim will be singing for the first time as a Chamber singer, so I sure do hope someone will videotape this for me. Would mean a lot to me.

Non cancerous cyst

Just got off the phone with dad, previously Maureen. The cyst was not cancerous, and he's going home today. Yahoo. And to think he had to wait all that time for someone to diagnose the problem. I understand that issue for sure. He even sounded stronger in his voice this a.m.

The day started out productive

The day started out to be productive, but by lunch I was in agony with collar bone area. Immediately hit the bed (after a couple of pills) and just got up a 8ish. Everytime I would look at the clock I couldn't figure out if it was AM or PM!
I feel fine now.

Have spoken to my dad after his surgery that went well. He apparently climbed from table to bed or vice versa. Is still in some kind of discomfort but am praying for his cheerful voice on the other end of the phone.

I may just be feeling the effects of the low white blood cells, this was going to be my week of going down/down. But have to do what my body tells me, rest.

Prayers to Dad tomorrow

And to the surgeons' hands and their skills while they do the surgery. I believe it is going to be done at lunch time tomorrow. I pray for healing at a steady pace, and a lot of support. Especially for medical care.

Tim's soccer game.

Lisa invited me to go see the soccer game tonight. I had not been to one in a long time, so I said sure. They lost though. I think the league needs to have a training program for how to referee. Just my personal opinion. It was a comfortable night with no wind.

I think there are only about 3 games left of the season, which means of Tim's high school career. Where does the time go?

college applications

I feel so behind in the college process. Espcecially with not being able to focus. Had thought by now that they would have been sent but that's not the case. I've been told I worry too much. That's my nature. I want Tim to get into a school of his choice. Once his part is done then we will begin our financial paperwork. I am dreading that like the dentist. Becky, you remember how I was in April doing Fed taxes with Rick. Not a good feeling.

A relaxing day doing nothing.

The only thing accomplished which on a Sunday is all that needs to be done, is going to church. And as expected Rick and Bev were waiting for me to sit with them. I got to introduced them to my friends Becky, Joanne and her husband. For once I knew someone that no one else knew.

Tim had a great time at homecoming last night. I got to finally see what his date looks like via a photo someone emailed me. They matched so nicely. Tim did all the shopping for the night.

Well, as I said in the opening. A day with not one thing being done. Oh yes, laundry and dishes. That's it. And I did hear from Maureen that my dad's pain is being controlled and that he will remain in hospital until the surgery Wednesday. Maureen did what I suggested, had my father just rest with mom and she not visiting most of the day. I told her first hand how tiring it was to have mom come to visit me. I know she took it as it was meant, not to be rude. And dad needs to rest rest rest these days in the hospital. Paying good money, might as well get your money's worth.

Tim's off from school tomorrow. Planning on helping Barry with his vehicle, putting fog lights in.

The boys and their dates.. Cute couples.

 

Autumn flower arrangement

 

Tim, Dad and our new vehicles.

 

 

 

Which Honda should I drive tonight? Decisions, decisions

 

 

 

A GOOD Day, Tim goes to Homecoming Dance

Tim just left the house driving new Honda Element. Only difference it is about 4 months older than he had for the prom. Took a few pictures to be downloaded later. It was a photo shoot of Tim and our 2 new Honda vehicles. Quite classy. And once again, am so proud of him. We had a very relaxing lunch at the Chinese food restaurant and then to get some apples.

This is the year of "all the lasts". His last homecoming dance. His last soccer game followed by soccer bandquet. So many changes. And then the cycle changes again. Then it becomes the first year of college. First college dance. The cycle of life.

Prayers for some relief for my dad

He was admitted to hospital after a visit to the emergency room last night. The "boss" has already taken care of boarding their dog and arranged people to take turns with my mom for about a week in advance. Has seen his surgeon and doesn't feel there is any time in his schedule for the surgery to be moved up. He's on a morphine drip and oxycodone. At least he's in the hospital and main thing right now is pain control which he has had in many many months. And he won't have to worry about mom, taking care of her is a FULL time job. But for some reason he has not accepted any of Maureen's help in getting a person in the house to do home care. Stubborn guy. But he's where he needs to be, in bed with others taking care of him. My mom will be fine. With alzheimers if you have a bad day, no matter. The bad day is out of your memory to even remember! That's a blessing.

I talked to both of them this a.m. And will do so later in the day.

A nice Friday

Had blood work today, first since having my first dose of the new chemo. It's showing a drop the "counts", will be a slow roller coaster ride. Have heard it will truly effect my energy level ( not I have any now). And Barry and I got our hair cuts at the same time. Would have liked to have my camera to post it on blog. A kodak moment.

Told hairdresser my story (I always do that) as she was clipping away. I will lose it by chemo within a week or two. But this time I went the route of short pixy style cut. Feels and look great. Wanted this to be done, didn't want to wait any longer. It was a goal of mine. When the time comes, I'll find Retta to do the buzzing of my head.

Went to football game with Barry. Last minute decision. But was tired and cold at 1/2 time so we left early. Our team was winning. Tim did his job, provided me goodies that bandmembers get. So many people came up to me as I walked around with Becky. Lots of hugs and well wishes. Met someone who heads up our office there, they dropped off a autumn flower arrangements and fresh scones and butter. Yes, Barry tasted one!

Phone message when we got home. My dad is in hospital under medication. I only wish I could see him, but that would not be possible during this treatment. The way I look at it, you should treat your last conversation as if it could be your last one. And then you will have no regrets. Don't know how Maureen does it, we call her effectionately the "boss" for a reason.

I'll be calling them in a.m. for update on my dad. I love him so much.

PS. Was just mentioning to Barry that we were going to Presby church Sunday. Great minds think alike. Comment on my blog was from Rick who is President of College.
I can finally introduce him to Becky.

One more thought

For the past couple of days I didn't feel like I was in la la land. Bit more focused. I don't know how people can do drugs. Not for me. But I will monitor the pain level minute by minute.

A better day (finally)

Not a good day, but better. Have reduced the meds 1/2 the amount as I did not like the feeling of looking like a zombie. My head was attached to my body, but nothing was in there. (stop your comments, Barry!) Not a pleasant feeling. When I went to get my shots, I was walking so carefully/cautiously so as to not let others see me floundering. I'm finished with my 4 shots of neuprogen. I go for my first blood work since getting this new chemo tomorrow. I've not been driving since I continue to be on meds which hasn't been fun. Barry continues to be my angel, never complains of his own aches. Drives and does almost all the cooking. I am truly thankful to him.
I try not to cry because it causes my chest plate to hurt, to be uncomfortable. Plus it wears me down. But there is a small place in my heart that I guestion things.

Please pray for my father, the old far, has he goes into the hospital next Wednesday for surgery. He's been suffering so severely. Along with taking full time care of my mother at home. Drives her to day care several times a week, gives him the time to just lie down and sleep if possible. My sister Maureen told me this

has cyst in spinal lumbar area pushing against nerve and probably cyst growing as the numbness down leg. says recovery couple weeks-older people do better as they take less pain med finally a plan and i am off that day adios back to cape Friday night
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He worries about me, I worry about them. I know that God is in control, I honestly do. Just hard sometimes to get throgh the day.