An update

Sorry for not writing in awhile. It's been a different kind of a few days for me. Wasn't going to write about it but I said "why not? My life's already an open book. Shouldn't I continue to be honest?"

These past few days have been sort of difficult for me. I've took it upon myself to stop taking the narcotic pain killer. Not because I'm not feeling any pain, but because it's just a narcotic. Had already been down to a low enough dosage, I thought, that I would be OK. Sunday I took my last pill. Had been on a much higher dosage when I was just recovering from my surgery. But had drastically, slowly cut down on it. Yesterday was not a good day for me at all. It just became too much for me. Call it withdrawal or call it mood swings, but it wasn't a fun day. In the morning I confided with a co worker through tears. She was quite comforting and ended up walking around the college with me. Think it all just came upon me: these are the months marking my diagnosis, Barry's upcoming CT scan on Friday and the Relay for Life. Hard to explain how I felt. I guess I deserve to be down at times, to complain. And last night was my worst ever night for sleeping. Tossed and turned, sweated and chilled, and even cried some. I even felt an urge to take one of my old pills, but didn't. I think I fell asleep at 2 ish only to wake up at 7 for work. I honestly didn't know how I was going to make it at work today, being so tired.

I did call the doctor today and he prescribed me a non narcotic pain medicine. And did mention that he thought my feelings were pain related, not withdrawal related. I disagree but who am I. I've taken the new medication and hope for a better night and end of the week.

As for Barry, as I wrote he goes for a 12 week CT scan update this Friday. If no change, chemo will be extended another 4 weeks. If there's growth, he'll have chemo next week. He continues to be strong. Never complains (unlike me). He did tell me that the neuropathy in his feet is a constant issue. Doesn't feel right ever due to meds. As for me, I'm trying to coordinate with my Pittsburgh doctor for the right chemo drugs to use. He has mentioned to me that there are 2 clinical trials out there but I've told him that would be last resort. Even though the treatment he may be prescribing is a trial in itself. I'm not looking forward to chemo at all.

And the Relay for Life is this Saturday. Ribbon cutting is at 10 a.m. with the traditional survivors lap at noon. And as I've said, Barry and I will be cutting the ribbon. This is also the day we'll meet the reporter from the paper who is doing the article about us. Will be an emotional day like the past few years.

Does this answer your question to why I haven't posted?