People ask my how Tim's doing?

People ask me how Tim's doing? Can't really answer that question. He's a kid, on top of that he's male. But this is what makes up my son.

I needed him to take me to the store for some groceries. He said "one sec. I'm looking up a recipe online." Came downstairs and told me that he couldn't find what he was looking for. I asked him what it was? He told me it was a chicken spicy dish over rice that Lisa has made for him a couple of times. To his surprise, and to mine (since I had not lost it), I found it printed out next to my computer.

So you guessed it, we went to the store and then Tim made the chicken thai dish. A bit spicy for me (said he will tone it down next time, add more soy sauce) but it was still delicious. His friend Ben and girlfriend stopped by to invite him for ice cream, he declined saying "he was making dinner!"

This was such a caring gesture that he did for me today. I think he's kind of special..

Also, he walked in a Cystic fybrosis walk-a-thon today on a team for a friend of ours daugher, Clare. His friend had asked him to awhile back, and he jumped at the opportunity. Had a great time, and it was certainly a great cause. Great job, Clare and family.

Thoughts

Yesterday I got a call from my boss in the a.m. Actually I was still sleeping. One of the questions that was asked was "when do you expect to come back to work." Truly a good question. I thought to myself and said my goal would be Monday or Tuesday. But have pondered my comment ever since it was made. Yes, that's a goal but not an honest expectation on my part. My chest area in my opinion has grown, perhaps due to incision/being imflamed or because it's one week older. I've tried to cut back on the pain meds in preparation of going back to work, but this defeats the purpose of the meds. The pain comes back even more. The meds cause drowsiness, and therefore I've been taking 3-5 hr. naps during the day. And they are such sound naps thank God.

I've been told, and yes I should know this myself, that my health is worth more than a job. Nothing has changed since being hospitalized, except a few more tests and a biopsy. The pain continues, the tumor remains. Come Tuesday I am hopeful for some results. This will be my first appt. to see my oncologist. As of this week, he had not even been sent the results of any of my tests. He was going to have his office contact my primary doctor.

So, I have to tell my job that for now I won't be in on Monday until I have more information to deal with. Perhaps a different way to control the pain.


PS. Just found this comment on a friend's journal who is going through recurrence of breast cancer:


God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Tim and his girlfriend before the prom

 

Tim and his friends before the prom last week.

 

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So I decided to have Tim take some shots of the tumor.

 

 

 

 

Biopsy is done

After Barry had his weekly blood drawn at the Cancer Center, we went to the hospital at noon. It was 1:25 p.m. when I was wheeled into the operating room. By the time I scooted over to the table, I was out like the light. Next thing I knew I was coming to in the recovery room.

But let me backtrack a bit. When we arrived in the hospital room, I had to put the gorgeous gown on. This traumatized Barry so much! to see my naked body... Every inch of flab. His eyes burned. I told him needed to ask for a pain killer to help him out! It's this kind of laughter that keeps us together and going.

Results won't be ready until perhaps Tuesday. And this is good estimate since previous patholgy tests I've had took that long. They sent me on my way home with a percocit. (which reminds me it's time for another pill)

We got home at about 4:30 p.m. I was anxious to see how Tim did on his try out for Drum Major. He unfortunately did not get the position. He was pleased for the boy that got it, and that just shows the kind of person Tim is. In my heart I thought he would have selected, but I was wrong. Wasn't meant to be. Better things will come his way I'm sure.

Have to be at hospital at noon tomorrow for 1:30 p.m. biopsy.

Head ct scan complete

I had the head ct scan done this a.m. That was the quickest test I've had done recently. In and out. And I would think since it was done so early in day, the results should not be delayed. But time will tell.

Am going to attempt to just use over the counter tylenol for pain today. I don't like the groggy feeling that the morphine has on me. Can't understand why druggies do drugs. Even though the last pill I took was at 9 p.m. last night, I'm still feeling the effect of it. At times hard to keep my eyes open, plus it causes slight headache.

Tim's having a big week this week. He's been practicing for Drum Major. This morning one of his tryouts was to lead the middle school band in Star Spangled Banner. I can't wait to hear how he did. I think that he would do great in that position. He had to write an essay on why he would be good at the position, and I was quite impressed by it. (not that I'm biased!) Tomorrow is the big test when they tryout in front of band teacher and a teacher from the college. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he gets this.

Update on my health

I actually did sleep through the whole night. Surprised me. Have spoken to both my medical dr. and oncologist first thing this a.m. I am scheduled for head ct scan at 8 a.m. tomorrow. The recent bone scan and the one from 2 years ago show similar spot on the front head skull, but this is also reason for tomorrow's test. Just to be on safe side. Oncologist pleased that bone scan showed no cancer in bones. The biopsy will be done Thursday p.m., time unknown right now.

By noon I was feeling the effect of the morphine med, a bit light headed/loopy as they say. After eating a quick lunch, I went to bed and slept for almost 3 hrs. The dr. has said to take the vicadin in between meds, but I will try not to do that. I don't like the feeling of not being clear in the mind. I have an appt. for next Tuesday with oncologist, hopefully he will have results of biopsy which usually takes 3-4 days. I couldn't believe that my oncologist had not been sent any test results, as I was told they had been. They were going to follow up on that today.

sorry for no prom pics. Haven't downloaded anything. Eventually.

I'm home...

Short entry now but wanted to say that I'm home. MRI showed nothing unusual and bone scan showed nothing in bones. Did see small speck of something in skull area, and the dr. told me something I can't recall. But my comeback line was to check same scan of 2 years ago to see if it was there also. He will check tomorrow.

By 6:00 tonight my pain was back to what it was when I was admitted on Sat. Made call to dr. and he said to take the prescribed morphine med, and if needed during the night to take a vicaden that I have. Said pain is probably due to irritation on ribs, either way very painful to even breath.

No biopsy being done until Th. p.m. due to area involved. Wants it done in OR setting.

Right now have slight fever, could tell my hot eyes. 100.2. You know, life can suck at times.

Not a Happy Mother's Day

This is Eileen again for my sister Jane. I just got off the phone with her and she is in la la land with the meds. Ha Ha Ha They are getting her pain somewhat under control. She will be having a bone scan and MRI tomorrow. She asked me to tell everyone she doesn't have her phone with her so she has no phone numbers. I will let you all know how she is doing after the tests tomorrow. Please continue to pray for all of them. Thanks for being there for them as we are all so far away.
Eileen

Back in hospital

This is Jane's sister writting for her tonight. Jane is in the hospital with a tumor or her sternum. It is about 2" long. There is not cure for this, but treatment. She is in alot of pain and they are trying to control it now They will be doing more tests on Monday and I will post when I get more info from her. Please pray for my sister, Barry and Tim.
Eileen

I'm still here.....

Barry's boss mesntioned to him today that I had been quiet lately on my blog. I have to agree with him. I'm still here, just not bloggin'. There are just times that basically my life is pretty uneventful, and therefore I feel I have nothing interesting to write. And I guess that can be taken as a good thing.

On this Saturday, May 12 it will be my 2 year anniversary for having my first chemo treatment. Funny how things like that are important to you, things to mark down on a calendar. That was also the same day I heard that Barry had cancer. You know, you can never go back.. just forward. Never the same.

About 3 weeks ago I noticed a lump in what the dr. calls my rib area. The area where my cross on my necklace lays. Quite obvious to the touch, and just to look at me. Went to the doctor, he sent me for rib x ray and they came back normal. He put me on celebrex for a couple of weeks thinking inflammation. Well, as of now it's still there. I went back to see dr. yesterday and am scheduled for a chest CT scan tomorrow after work. I've also come down with upper respiratory infection, AKA common cold. The dr. gave me a nasal spray to use once a day. No relief yet. Started with sore throat the day after Barry's chemo treatment in Pittsburgh. Then it became the nasal drip causing annoying cough. And it wasn't my intention but Barry now has it. Was up practically all last night with the cough. And today he said his insides ache so much from the strain of coughing. We make a good pair.
I feel so bad for him, with his recent treatment his immune system is not the best.
This too shall pass.

This Friday is going to be a very good day. Tim is going to his first prom with his girl friend. Got his tuxedo tonight. Can't wait to see all his friends dressed up. I'm looking forward to that day. Kids grow too fast.

We've been having some yard work done. After sewers were installed last year, our yard was so destroyed. So we've started the rebuilding process. All stumps on our property were grinded down today and hopefully within a week or so a landscaper will be here to power rake the yard, bring in some new soil and plant a new better lawn.
Now Tim won't have to weed whack so much, I can just go crazy with the mower. Should look better than before once it's done.

Again, I'm here and I do appreciate everyone's concern. PS Hope to post some pix soon.

Barry's home

I got to the hospital by 8 a.m., in time to see Barry's doctor make his rounds. As usual, Barry didn't get discharged until about 11:30 a.m. A very long wait. Got his shot of morphine for the trip home. By morning the pain level was at a 4 thank goodness. Not a good treatment as pain goes. But at least it's history now.

He went right into his bed when we got home. I took phone off the hook and also went to take rest. Woke up with sore throat which I'm trying to fight off.

Tim had been at a school event all day, and he got home at 5 p.m. I went out to get pizza for dinner, no energy to cook. Tasted good.

Barry's back to bed, I'm off to take bath, and hopefully back to bed myself. Can't speak for Barry, but these treatment days take a toll on you. Mentally and physically. Can't wait to get jammies on.

Bye.

Today was one of the tougher chemo treatments. Requiring a lot of morphine, but still he's in pain. Scale of 1 - 10, he says it's a 10. They went back to treating the other side of the liver, whereas the past 2 cycles were on the other side and he had no pain with the chemo. He's had better days. Only thing he's had in stomach today was some water that I gave him through straw. Since the chemo was delayed so much, he didn't get into a room until 2:45 p.m. Therefore he wouldn't be able to get off of his back until about 9 p.m. I left the hospital at 8:30 p.m. so that I could grab a bus back to Family House. They don't run all night and I'm not good at walking Pittsburgh streets by myself.

I'm off to my room for what I hope will be a good sleep.

Back to hospital in a.m. to bring Barry home. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. They mean the world to us.

Another chemo treatment

We head to Pittsburgh once again (thank God) tomorrow a.m. for Barry's chemoembolization. Have to be there bright and early. I believe it has been 11 weeks since his last treatment in February.

New job is going well with me. Lots to learn, but am feeling more comfortable every day. Always hard learning new things. One good part of the job is being able to see Barry every day for lunch. In the past I would only see him on the weekends.
And I'm saving lots of wear and tear on my car with the short commute.

If possible tomorrow, I will update you on Barry's procedure. Positive thoughts muchly appreciated.

Poem sent to me by my "bosom buddy" today

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough".

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom".

They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?".

"Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?".

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means? ".

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone". She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled! even more. "When we said , 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess .

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.

Tim is the second person on the left. He was a Captain on a Relay for Life team. These are just a few of his friends that took the time to participate in such a good cause.

The survivor's lap is a difficult lap to walk. But I can tell you personally, each year it does get a little better. The woman on the right with the classy short hair do is one of my new bosum buddies. Each of us show strength as we walk the walk.

We made it another year. Tim joins us on the survivor's lap.