Thoughts

Yesterday I got a call from my boss in the a.m. Actually I was still sleeping. One of the questions that was asked was "when do you expect to come back to work." Truly a good question. I thought to myself and said my goal would be Monday or Tuesday. But have pondered my comment ever since it was made. Yes, that's a goal but not an honest expectation on my part. My chest area in my opinion has grown, perhaps due to incision/being imflamed or because it's one week older. I've tried to cut back on the pain meds in preparation of going back to work, but this defeats the purpose of the meds. The pain comes back even more. The meds cause drowsiness, and therefore I've been taking 3-5 hr. naps during the day. And they are such sound naps thank God.

I've been told, and yes I should know this myself, that my health is worth more than a job. Nothing has changed since being hospitalized, except a few more tests and a biopsy. The pain continues, the tumor remains. Come Tuesday I am hopeful for some results. This will be my first appt. to see my oncologist. As of this week, he had not even been sent the results of any of my tests. He was going to have his office contact my primary doctor.

So, I have to tell my job that for now I won't be in on Monday until I have more information to deal with. Perhaps a different way to control the pain.


PS. Just found this comment on a friend's journal who is going through recurrence of breast cancer:


God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.