Me and my son Tim, a best friend to me! 

Sunday. A day of rest.

I've been enjoying the family so much that I find myself not being on the computer to post to my blog. It's so amazing how the people who have entered my life recently stick out in my memory.
I keep thinking this over and over again. These people are true blessings. In looking over pictures I took yesterday, my only regret is that I don't have a close up picture of Sara. The one I am posting it the best I have.

Today we had chicken on the grill (and no, it wasn't burnt!). Mom is doing so great here. She's enjoying the sites and sounds of God's country which include listening to buggies and seeing the horses up the street from house. I am so glad that Dad took a chance in traveling with her to here, as I truly needed the personal hugs of comfort. In the morning we went to Wal Mart for a couple of items. I can't explain how good it is to have my family here.

For the first time in weeks, I took over 2 hrs. of a nap today. I slept so good. Upon going downstairs, I was presented with a couple of presents that Eileen had bought me at the local gift shop. She bought me a beautiful candle with a shade with etched out cross designs on it. Seeing it made me cry. Everyone is so thoughtful and I get teary eye at the drop of a hat. Good tears.

Inspirational People at Relay for Life

This is just a brief posting for the Relay for Life that we attended at Westminster College. Will alter it later when time permits.

This was such a moving experience for me, one that will remain in my heart forever. It's funny to say this, but this illness called cancer is a blessing in disguise from God. Had I not been given this illness, I would never have met such wonderful and inspiring people yesterday and in the past month. Today I was able to spend time with 3 wonderful ladies: Joanne S., Jody K., and Sara who are all breast cancer survivors. As we began the survivors walk, we had to announce our name/type of cancer and how long we had been a survivor. Needless to say, I was the shortest time period of being a survivor. The one that has stuck out in my mind is Sara who is a 20 year old college student at Westminster who is a 3 year survivor of leukemia. She came down with the disease right after her sweet 16th birthday and was undiagnosed for a whole year. Thought it was meningitis. What an inspiring beautiful girl. Actually went to her prom bald with stickers on her head. Such a positive uplifting person. It was on the survivors walk that I came to meet Jody and Sara. After the walk I also was approached by Jody K. (a mother of one of Tim's classmates) as she had heard my name. She had breast cancer 5 years ago and has been through a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. Not easy stuff but a very strong woman. Joanne S. (another mother of one of Tim's classmates) is also a breast cancer survivor who met and gave me a hug at the end of the walk. She arrived a bit late due to family obligations. She walked with me the last part of the walk. In talking to these women on and off the track, I learned that wearing of wigs is often uncomfortable and most just went bald or wore scarves. I also learned that there is such strength and power in talking to people through these rough times.

It was such a beautiful day for this rally at Westminster College. I was able to get email addresses and names for my new friends and we will be able to keep in touch with each other. As you can see, cancer is not kind to any age but it sure does make you a stronger person.
The darkness of the evening made it possible to view our lumanaria lights with people's names who have had cancer and are alive, and for ones who are no longer alive. I was able to see lights with my name, Sara's name and Linda G's names. What a great site. The evening ended with fireworks at 10 p.m. It was a long day but a very rewarding day. I took so many pictures but will only post a couple on the blog.

What could be better!

Forget about everything that happened at work today and just know this:

my family arrived safe and sound by 4 p.m.!! And as you can see from the posted picture, Barry fed us a huge tray of lasagna. Enough to feed the whole town.

It was so great to actually hug my family in person. You don't know how good it felt. Am so excited to have them with us.

Tim went to soccer birthday party at the Y Zone for Vaughan. Eileen rode on scooter with Barry. And Maureen, Mom and I got to look through all the goodies that Linda G. and Yvonne got from a seminar on cancer, plus tons of information that Linda sent from herself. Am looking forward to listening to the mood music. Thanks!

Well, that's it for today. More to follow tomorrow. Just enjoying the family so not much writing today.

The Knotts Family have arrived! 

They are truly coming!

All the aches and pains I had at work today are in the back of my head right now. I have talked to my parents who are at my sister Maureen's house now. In the morning they will pick up my other sister Eileen for their trip to God's Country. My mother is very upbeat and excited to be coming back to our home. She wasn't told of the trip until just today I believe, as to not confuse her. You don't know how excited I am to have all of them come here. Eileen has never been here and I can't wait to show her this part of the country.

It's going to be a long day at work tomorrow just knowing that they are on their way. They expect to arrive by 4 p.m. Again, I am so EXCITED and can't wait for official hands on HUGS from everyone. This has been a difficult past few weeks but tomorrow is going to be such a good day!

Another sore day

Had hoped today would have been better but not really.

Last night, when I was going to bed at 7:30 p.m. Aunt Esther called me. In tears I had to tell her I was not feeling good and was going to bed. It was a short phone call needless to say. No energy on my part to talk.
I think I fell asleep as soon as I hit the pillow.

When I got to work today, Jennie asked if I was still tired after coming back to work. Broke down. I then decided to ask HR and Michelle if going part time was an option for me. Am thinking I should not be feeling so much pain and being exhausted at the end of the day is not beneficial to healing. With a doctor's note I can go part time. I did speak to the doctor's office and this can be arranged since it sounds like I may be overdoing it. Just reaching for the phone or anything is pulling at my arm since it's my right hand. They told me to take tylenol during the day, and did say hot tub is good therapy. Will speak again tomorrow to doctor to update him on how this is or isn't helping me. Late in day I did start to use hands free head set to eliminate the reaching. Couldn't wait to get home to take percaset and go in hot tub. A very tiring day. I then lied on my bed just to not move my arm at all.

What is strange to me is that I wonder why the pain is under my arm in the flabby area. Expected it to be more under the arm pit where the incision is. Will ask doctor that question tomorrow.

This will probably be last entry for today. Hope to stay up to watch American Idol since I missed it last night.

Tim's been doing raking each night. Yard looking great.

2nd day back to work and pooped

Not much energy to type today. By the time I got home, I couldn't wait to take pain killer. Can't explain the soreness in my right arm. Other than the skin feeling like it's being stretched more than it wants to be. Went into hot tub after having Subway for dinner to relax. The pill does take effect quickly, helps with the pain. Just a tiring and sore day by afternoon. I did take earlier lunch which was good. Worked almost all day at my job trying to perfect an excel document with formulas. Over worked my brain.

At work I got phone call from Sharon Cancer Center. They scheduled me for my first appt. on May 5th. Notice the date 050505. Maybe it will be lucky! Have been talking so much about seeing oncologist but to hear them call and make appt. sort of got to my stomach. But I have to realize that I'm on the road to recovery.

Am heading to bed soon even though it's only 7:30ish. Just very tired. May call dr. in a.m. to see if perhaps I'm overdoing it by being at work. Night.

First day back to work after almost 3 weeks.

Well, I slept very good since I took sleeping pill. Didn't want to chance a restless night.

Am wearing a cream colored pant suit and bright pink shirt, along with 2 pink cancer bracelets that have been given to me by 2 Lindas I know. For good luck. Off to work. Catch you this p.m.
And yes, I'll take it easy and take needed breaks.

And here I am at 8:30ish updating my day. It was a very long day for me. It was great seeing people and getting a hug here and there. Many people had been asking about me since I've been gone. But as they say, some things never change. The girl who has been doing my job since I've been gone was out on a vacation day today. I had hoped for some time to catch up on emails for the past 3 weeks but that wasn't the case. I had to jump right back into the saddle and do my desk job by myself along with answering many phone calls. Not what I needed the first day back. Certainly did keep my mind for the most part off of my problems. Being short staffed and the usual meetings make for many phone calls to be answered. But I helped a lot of people with problems that compared to my own were quite easy. And that was good. I ended up being the last person to leave work today, just needed to tidy up my desk as it was a very busy day.

My right arm especially was very sore by 5 p.m. Just by doing different activities as simple as reaching for a stapler on my desk pulled muscles. But pain can be good. I took a pain killer as soon as I got in the door. And shortly I'll hop into the hot tub to relax even more.

Well, tomorrow is another day. And hopefully will be a better and less tiring day for me. Have to keep my health as #1 concern.

And I forgot to post this: My family is coming this Friday!! With my mother's recent memory problems, they will be coming after all but if need be they will cut the trip short. I was so excited to hear this news. Trailer will be all set for anyone who wants to stay in there. I can't wait to give a real hug to everyone since this has been one heck of a few weeks.

Beginning of another week

Such a beautiful day that I am just posting on my blog. Too nice of a day to be inside.

Tim washed his dirt bike in the morning since it was truly a mess. Leave it to kids to find any mud that's in a field.

He then carpooled with Sean Brown to an afternoon church rally. He enjoyed the concert but unfortunately it was outside, and was not prepared with suntan lotion! So, he got a bit burned. Last thing I took from him before going to it was hit hat. So he thought of that hat the whole time. If only.... The heat outside was about only thing he didn't like of the day. He told me that the woman sang Awesome God which is a favorite of mine. Wish I could have been there.

While he was gone I napped for a couple of hours. It is a day of rest you know. I head back to work tomorrow after being gone for about 3 weeks. Expecting to be tired by the end of the day. Should do me good to get other things on my mind. But hopefully not too many other people's problems. Honestly don't think I can take much of people complaining of computers being slow and printers jamming. Time will tell. Have been told that the best medicine in treatment of cancer is being with positive people and positive environment. And working a Help Line consists of complaints and people needing help. Right now in my life I'm the one that needs help.

Saturday in the Park

Tim and Barry got me up early this a.m. Barry is helping his boss move today, and Tim had an 8 a.m. soccer referee class at Marti Park. Getting up early on a Saturday is not my cup of tea. And talking of cup of tea, I did watch a bit of Prince Charles and Camilla's wedding this a.m. Unfortunately, I didn't get a personal invitation to attend.

Tim has just called from the Park to tell me that he is going to referee a game this morning. So, I'm on my way to give him his whistle/stop watch and to observe, Later on he's going to do more raking in flower beds and front yard. It's just another one of those great warm spring days. I saw another soccer mom I know at the game and she didn't know of my cancer. And since it's on my mind 24/7 I told her. And you guessed, I shed some tears and she did too. But you know, that's OK to do.

It was about 11:30 a.m. when the soccer game ended. Tim and I then went to buy winning lottery tickets! for tonight's game, lunch at KFC (haven't been there since moving to Pa.), and then to Walmart for soccer socks. Just a couple errands but it does get me tired.

We got home and I was able to supervise the raking. Actually, he was into it today. Did a lot, but lots more to do. In time it will get done. As he was raking I got to thinking of what day it was. It's April 9th and one month ago on March 9th, I had my first surgery. Hard to believe what I've gone through in one month. Incredible. I go back to work Monday and hope that this will get my mind off of my health maybe for a second or two. Not sure how I'll do, but definitely take each day as it comes.

All my bandaid strips have come off of my incision area on my breast as of today. Healing up quite well. I still have all the strips under my armpit from the last surgery. Still am unable to sleep on my stomach due to the right arm, but hopefully it won't be much longer. I just love my stomach to sleep on. Getting tired of just laying on back and a bit on on left side.

Tim went dirt biking with his 2 friends after Barry came home. Left at about 5 p.m. Afterwards they were going to roast some marshmallows outside. While he was gone, Barry washed our bikes. I drove the mower and did the lawn for first time this year. Yard looking better than it did a couple of days ago.

Thanks for the motivation, Mom! 

A gorgeous day

And therefore I have not been on the computer. Barry and I went out to lunch and for a nice drive. Just a gorgeous day. Temp is about 70 degrees. Normally I would be out raking but not these days. That's now going to be Tim's job.

Well, Tim came home from school and spent some time on computer. Eventually he went outside to rake up the leaves. Shortly afterward he came inside and said that he was done. Asked to go for his bike ride, I said yes. But when I went outside to look at what he had done,
I actually saw what he had NOT done. Good help is hard to find.

So when he came home from his ride, I showed him where all the leaves were and he just laughed. Got the rake out again and this time I supervised him. He needed a foreman to watch over him. End result, an excellent job. He thanked me for "motivating" him.

An exciting day-I get to take a SHOWER

Before going to bed, I took a peek at the place where the tubing went in. And it was basically sealed up, so this morning I can finally have the pleasure of a SHOWER. Am so excited and looking forward to washing my own hair. Life's little treats!

Slept so well last night that I was able to dream. A bit stiff when I would wake up at the incision places, but otherwise I'm doing great.

I got up to see Tim off to school this a.m. He has his first away Track meet today. Scattered showers are expected during the day, and I hope they avoid the time that he is at his meet.
Going back to bed shortly for a little siesta nap.

Got to take a nice long shower! Geez, what a treat. First time since last Wednesday's lymph node surgery. Mmmm. Later tonight I'm going into the hottub.

While Tim was at his track meet, I went to WalMart and picked up couple pairs of pants and another shirt.
And yes, t-shirts for Barry. Tim only did the high jump today, no running since his leg was hurting him. Got hurt during his practice this week.

Usually I get emails telling me that I have new comments. But today for some reason, 2 comments were posted that I didn't know about. Just happened to look up the blog myself. And then I went back through the blog further, and see that a comment on April 3rd posted by anonymous has been removed by Blog Administrator. Wonder what that comment was all about. Perhaps something juicy that they didn't want me to read. (PS. Just came to me that it was a testing post that I did just to see how easy it was to post a comment.)

I also want to thank the individuals that have sent in money for the Relay for Life/American Cancer Society walk that Tim and I are walking next Saturday. That is deeply personally appreciated from the bottom of my heart, along with the many cards/emails/prayers that have been sent my way.

All in all, a good day in the neighborhood. P.S. Hottub sure did feel good after a long time away from it.

Getting stronger each day

Since the purpose of my blog is to put my innermost thoughts down in a journal for therapy, I will proceed to do so.

I had been anxiously awaiting my parents and sisters arrival next week, only to find out yesterday that this may not happen. It appears that he has been advised by some that having my mother travel such a distance and to a new area would get her more disoriented. She's just getting into a routine by going to a Senior Citizens Center for couple of days a week. They seem to feel that breaking up this new routine would be hard for her to get back into once she returns to the Cape. I am quite upset that it seems that she won't be coming next week. I am in no health to go there myself, even though I have actually checked out planes/trains/and automobiles today in order for me to go there. I guess I am just being selfish but I truly feel/felt that I need to see my mother especially. So as it stands now, I am not sure who will be coming to see me. But being upset at this stage in my life is not a good thing to be. Whoever does come will be a true blessing for me.

I went to Sears today and bought couple pairs of shorts and bright tops. I picked Tim up early from school for a dentist appt. The dentist was able to bond his tooth that he chipped at Saturday's soccer game. So that was good. I also went to the bank to give them my return to work note. Everyone was so pleased to see me.

Tim did some yard work after we got home. That's usually my job but am unable to do it right now. He enjoys being outside so that is good. And with temps in the 70s you can't complain.

Today was first day that I didn't nap so am a bit pooped by now. Hopefully I'll sleep good tonight. Last night I slept for over 7 hrs.! and woke up on my side where I had stitches-hugging the pillow. Was comfortable until I had to move and boy did that hurt. But everyday is another day.

A good day: The drain is out!

Barry and I got to Dr. Henwood's office at 9 a.m. Barry stayed in waiting room. He was a chicken today! Dr. Henwood was able to "pull" the drain out in one tug. It helped that I was laying down on the table. When he pulled it out, I asked "is it out?" since I didn't know whether I had to feel that pain once more! Very thankful it was only once. I have to see him on a follow-up visit in 2 weeks. He gave me a return to work note for Monday, April 11th. He said to give it a try. Again he told me that 6 nodes were removed and that there was no cancer on them. Dr. Henwood told me that shortly I would be moving on to Dr. Garrow the oncologist once healed from the surgeries.

I called a couple of people at the bank to tell them that I was coming back. Michelle wasn't in so I left message with Renee. And of course, I had to call my family. Both Barry and I eventually took naps.

Today's such a gorgeous day. Temps in 70s. Just cooked some marinated kabobs on grill, without even having to uncover snow from the cover.

For the first time since all my surgeries and being at home, I met Tim out on Mom's favorite rock when he came from school today. All the other days I've been in bed. I think I shocked him.
We then went to get my nails done, first time in over a month. Retta also washed my hair, now that felt like a million dollars. The simplest things in life are often the best things in life.

Had read today and just saw him on the end of his broadcast, that Peter Jennings from ABC news was just diagnosed with lung cancer and will be starting treatment. It's so sad to know that every day there is another life effected by this disease. I was never a smoker and got cancer. So, please for me if you do smoke please reconsider a "lifestyle" change and stop. If not for me, for yourself. It's just not worth it.

"We are survivors the moment we are diagnosed with cancer.": Cancer Institute/per Peter Jennings commentary.

Almost had drain taken out

Today has been one of those down kind of a days. Haven't had one of those days in awhile. I'll try to summarize it just so down the road I can look back and say "geez, I made it.!"

Dr. Henwood's office called me back in the morning. I had asked that Dr. Henwood remove the drain since it's not draining much and due to it being so uncomfortable. Since Dr. Henwood was in surgery today, I was told that his nurse Lorrie would be able to do it for me. She said to stop by at 1:30 p.m.

I woke up with a headache so I rested on couch until about noon. Then Barry suggested that we go get something to eat before the doctor's appt. so we went to Suburban. We then went to the doctor's office to see Lorrie. I brought along some twizzlers for the office.

Lorrie attempted to remove the drain, but it wouldn't budge out of the whole. It was so painful. Words can not tell you how bad that felt. What she said was usually an easy thing to do, proved otherwise. It appeared that something was stuck, making it impossible for her to pull it out of the sutured area. She called him at the hospital to tell him. He told her that she could attempt it again, otherwise he would do it in the a.m. She came back and once again tried. She could see that both she and I were uncomfortable in pursuing this anymore. The pain just wouldn't go away. It was a constant pain, like a nerve being touched or blood pressure being taken and not letting go.

And unfortunately, I had not taken any pain killer before going, and they had none in the office. It was a very long ride home. I immediately took a pill and went to bed. Shortly after laying down, my brother Doug called to check up on me. Needless to say, I was in bad shape and wasn't able to talk to him. I must have layed there for over 2 hrs. without moving just to attempt to meditate the pain to go away. I hesitated in taking a second pill since one usually does the trick. I did speak to the Dr.'s office and he called me back at about 5 p.m. He did say that a second pill would be OK, if anything it may cause nausea or make me feel dopier. My sister Maureen also had called me during this painful time. I wasn't able to talk to her that much either. My neighbor Janet called me too. She invited me to go for a walk with her. Had I not been so down and out, I would have taken her up on her generous offer. Next time...

Did forget to tell you something. I found out that the dr. removed 6 lymph nodes and the pathology report showed NO CANCER in them! That's good news.

By about 5:30 p.m. I felt like the medicine had finally kicked in. I was a bit more comfortable.
I called my sister back so that she could relay the news to my family. Maureen said that she took it upon herself to email my friends about me having a bad day. That was so nice of her to do. Thanks to all who sent me their positive energy. Today it was needed quite a lot.

So, hoping for a better day tomorrow. I did hear from Linda E. at my job today. She said that having her drain removed was also a painful experience for her also. At least it's not just me.

Sunday, A day of rest

I could see the snow accumulating during the night, on my many trips to the bathroom. So I was not surprised to see the 4-5 inches of snow in the morning. It was definitely a winter wonderland kind of morning. And quite windy. Temps stayed in 30's most of the day.

When my arm extends to my side, it is quite sore and uncomfortable. But I've been given a couple of helpful hints from Linda G. 1) ban the bra 2) wear shirts inside out to eliminate the seam. I had already done the first item yesterday, just so that the drainage would drain straight down. Per Eileen's suggestion, I have it attached to a piece of yarn. And since I know it's uncomfortable, I am avoiding have my arm hang down my side.

I also came to the conclusion that yesterday could have been a bad day since I had decided to stop pain killer. Bad choice since I'm still in pain. What a stupid thing to do. Today, I am taking tylenol during the day and back to the good stuff in evening. I've been up for a few hours, heated up the ribs that Barry got at Sam's Club yesterday for lunch and about to hit my favorite bed shortly. Tim's helped me change bedding on couple of beds today, also. And not even complaining in doing so.

Took a nice nap for about an hour. Picture this: I'm laying in bed on my back, with knees propped up on top of pillow, head propped up on 2nd pillow and my right arm on it's own pillow. And as I lay like this, I thought to myself: Wow. Nothing is hurting at this moment! Truly happened to me today and it was a good feeling.

As Tim and I ate easy-mac and taquitos, I looked out the back door and finally, after a very long time without seeing any, I saw 4 DEER making their way through the woods. I told Tim that my day was complete! And of course, I immediately had to call my parents. Another positive thing to look back at. P.S. I have to thank Tim because it was his idea to open the blinds as we ate dinner..

A long day

Day is about done, and I'm just posting for the day. Barry and Tim went to Sam's Club and out to lunch while I stayed home today. I could not have done all that. For the most of the day, I stayed in bed as that is where I was the most comfortable. I did leave a message for Dr. Henwood to call me Monday a.m. I really want him to take the drain out right away. Under my arm area is uncomfortable, especially when my arm is down to my side. The underarm rests directly on the drain tubing and is sore. And when I lie down, I am able to prop the arm up right beside me with little discomfort. So basically today was a very long day for me.

Went to Tim's last indoor soccer game tonight. They tied. Bad part was that Tim got his front bottom tooth chipped by being elbowed by someone. Looks like I'll be making a trip to dentist with him to get that fixed. Just what I need.

Not writing much today, just that kind of a day. I've even attempted to place a towel under my arm pit area to cushion my arm. Going to take a bath and probably hit the bed soon.

Tomorrow's another day. Right now 32 and snow/rain coming down. Wondering where the spring went. Oh yes, we lose an hour of much needed sleep tonight.

Ahh. April is here.

I stayed up until Barry got home last night for him to drain my j-drain. There is not much liquid draining. Then I took a sleeping pill. Only got up once to take a pain killer pill. They work like clockwork, run out in 4 hrs. I didn't get up for Tim this a.m., but Barry did. I called Dr. Henwood's office at 9 a.m. and was told to keep the drain in for the weekend. He asked that I call the numbers in on Monday and that the drain will probably come out on Tuesday. Had really hoped that it would be taken out today but..

Lisa Pearson arrived with crock pot meal in the morning for dinner tonight. Now we can smell it cooking all day. Such a nice smell. She also brought me some tulips.

I then went back to bed and got up at about noon. Sure did feel good to sleep. Only way I can sleep is on my back with my right arm propped up next to me on pillow at same level as my chest. Otherwise, the arm is very uncomfortable. I continue to exercise my right arm during the day, but not to raise it above my head. Just do 90 degree angles per Dr. Henwood.

Barry treated me to Rachel's for lunch. It's my first time out since the surgery. Went out actually in what has become the top part of my pj's, Barry's old work shirt. But at least I tucked it inside my pants to look dressed up! Just going out for that short while felt good but time to get back into bed. A bit tired just by doing that.

Dinner was delicious. You know it's good when meat just falls apart. Nice and tender, and as Tim said nice and spicy. Tim went with Pearsons to see school play and then Ben is coming here to sleepover. When kids are this age, they are definitely no problem to have in the house. He could have slept over their house, but we thought here would be better just to have him home.
I took mini nap while he was at play.

This week's news consisted of the following deaths: Terri Schiavo, Frank Purdue, Johnnie Cochran. And Pope John Paul's health was failing all day from the Vatican. An 84 year old strong willed man. What a life.