Barry enjoys spending time with his family.

 

Barry and Matt

 

Barry talks with his brother and Tim.

 

I couldn't resist having my picture taken as this ship went by.

 

Another A-1 day

For lunch we went "over the bridge" and ate at another one of our favorite seafood restaurants. And yes, more seafood. This time we all had fried clams. Haven't got tired of seafood yet!


After lunch, Barry and Tim rode their bikes along the Cape Cod Canal. It's a nice paved path, for bikers and walkers right long the Canal. I stayed behind with the truck and took some pictures. A lot of nice boats.

For dinner we had pizza. Geez, what a shock. No seafood. But we love this pizza. Only wish we had their recipe, we could make lots of money in Pennsylvania. For dessert, it's going to be Par-tee freeze sundaes.

And as I am typing this, a girl just rode by riding on her horse. As Barry said, a bit of our country in the neighborhood. I was too slow in grabbing my camera to take a picture.

Tomorrow's plans include perhaps another visit to the canal and to see Barry's parents one last time. And on Wednesday, we head to Boston with Barry's brother and sister-in-law. This will be Tim's first trip into Boston. Looking forward to it.

Life is good

Slept very good last night.

The family went downtown to see a car show after breakfast, I slept in.

Later on Barry, Tim and I went to see Barry's parents and his brother Matt who was visiting there. We went out to lunch, and need I say where to? Of course to a local seafood restaurant where we had fried shrimp and onion rings! Driving 12 hrs. was worth the trip...

We have arrived on Old Cape Cod

After a 12 hr. ride, we left at 12:30 a.m., we arrived at my parents house. Did stop for our first meal of the trip at my brother's restaurant at about 11 a.m. It was great seeing him, but as usual, which is good for him, he was very busy. Got to chat with him for awhile.

We took naps when we got here, I don't know how Barry did the drive himself. We did stop at a rest area so he could sleep for about an hr. I was told that I even snored! I got to drive in the backseat, where I rested the majority of the way. Tim was elected copilot. At times I got to see his head be a wobble head, back and forth as he tried to nod off.

Went out to dinner with my sister and her husband, mom and dad. Lobsters were the main course. Delicious treat. Followed by upside down banana splits.

Well, 10 p.m. and jammies are calling me. Will definitely sleep well tonight.

No chemo today/Vacation time is here!

Need I say anything more.......

And I feel great.....

Yeah. No chemo tomorrow...

Hard to believe that tomorrow is Friday and I DO NOT have chemo that day! My schedule is 3 Fridays in a row, and then off a Friday. Not going to know what to do with myself actually being at my job. Don't even have to have blood work done.

And I'm not sure, but I do think the tumor is shrinking. BJ saw it the other day and said that she thought it was. I had not looked at it in awhile, but I must agree. Won't have a scan done until about 3 cycles of chemo which equals about 3 months. Praying...

A friend of ours, Sue, delivered us a nice dinner tonight. Stuffed shells and cookies for the drive to Cape Cod. Thanks!

We leave for the Cape this weekend. We haven't been there since last June. A long time. I can't wait for real hugs from my family. My dad's been wanting to come visit us, but with my mom's alzheimers/dimentia it would be too much. So the next best thing is for us to go there. And an added benefit will be seafood. Mmmmm.

I've felt pretty good this week. Other than being a little tired by the afternoon, no complaints. And I don't think I scared anyone away with my bald head at my job. I went to a staff luncheon meeting today, and it was a lot of fun. Pizza and pop. While there a neighbor was talking of her daughter who had wisdom teeth out. The daughter was talking of wearing a veil to hide her mouth. I told her to tell her daughter about me. Forget about what you may look like, and just go out there. Bald or swollen mouth, just get out there. She laughed and agreed with me. You see, I'm not going to put a wig on just to "hide" what I'm going through. The way I look at it, I'm living through this cancer and holding my bald head up high.

Bald is beautiful...

I started to lose the hair last Thursday, but have been procrastinating in shaving it. In the back of my head, I was thinking I needed to have hair to go see my family this coming weekend. But as I was taking my son to get his hair cut tonight and talking with him, he spoke the correct words to me: "Mom, it didn't bother you before when you were bald. So why worry about it now." Kids seem to know just what to say.

Had been getting tired of hair in tub drain and in sink, even at my desk at work. So, like 2 years ago (check out May 25 ish, 2005 blog archive for pics) I called my friend Retta to shave it off. Just talk to cancer patients and most will agree that shaving if off before it comes off in clumps is called taking control. You take control, not the damn cancer. But unlike last time, I shed no tears. Feels a bit liberating. It's amazing how much strength you get when in difficult situations. Am thankful that I'm not into vanity.

Just need to get my hats back and to borrow the scarves once again from my buddy Jody. Boy, those scarves have been on many chemo heads.

So tomorrow I walk with my head high and continue to be my old self with a new hairdo.

PS. Thanks for bloggin' me.

I think this is a good advertisement for the salon. Retta and I pose in celebration of my new "hairdo".

 

It's very important when you are dealing with cancer, to take control of the situation. It can be too upsetting to watch the hair fall out in clumps

 

It's been about 2 years since I did this. Retta is such a friend to help me out.

 

I'm looking cancer right in the eye. And I'm taking charge.

 

Today I'm going to take charge of the situation...

 

If you read my blog.....please post a comment

I was at work today when Suzie mentioned that she reads my blog. I did not know that. I explained to her how therapeutic writing down my thoughts has been. Not only is it a way to tell others how I'm feeling instead of individual emails or phone calls, but as a way for me to see where I've been and perhaps where I'm going.
Some people keep their thoughts to themselves, nothing wrong with that.

As I told Suzie this morning, I get an instant email when someone posts a comment to my blog. It means so much to me when I know you are reading my journal. So please, take a minute and click on Comments under my daily writings. You can post a comment under 'anonymous' and just type your first name. You don't have to join anything. It's free!

Thanks!

PS I know Barry reads this because he corrected me when I spelled avastin wrong! Sometimes this blog is a way for him to know what's going on....

Yeah. Internet up and running finally. I could not be Amish.

We've had no internet since Friday p.m.

We had a storm come through our town Friday p.m., and have had no internet since. I felt so bad cause I know people are concerned on how my chemo went Friday a.m.

My girl friend Joanne brought me. Actually first thing in the a.m., Barry, Tim and I went strawberry picking. Not many to pick, but at least we got a taste of them.
Then we went out for breakfast.

This treatment on Friday included Taxol and the new drug avastin, given to stop the blood flow to the tumor. The new drug took 90 mins. by IV, future treamtments won't be as long. As soon as I got home, I went to bed. It was a longer time at the Cancer Center this day, very tiring. I got woken up shortly after by the storm coming through. And boy was it a big storm. Lost a huge tree. It fell directly on the pad we had built which will be holding our new shed. Am quite thankful that the shed had not been built yet!

Saturday consisted of picking up twigs and debris from storm, taking Tim to soccer game, and attending 2 graduation parties. The parties were really nice. Lots of food, and I was able to gain a couple of lbs. which was good.

This a.m. I slept in. For some reason, my thumb aches like heck after each treatment, usually about the Sunday following it. And today was no different. Feels a bit better now.

Tim had 2 more graduation parties to attend today, but with a soccer game in the middle of both it was impossible to do it all. Instead of rushing to go for 20 mins. to one of them before the game, we both took naps. I did a bit too much yesterday in going to both parties. And today it caught up to me.

Well, as I said before. We still have no internet but am borrowing an internet connection to type my blog.

This week is no chemo. Yeah. We leave for Cape Cod this weekend for a short visit. Need to be back for my next chemo on the 22nd. I am so looking forward to seeing my family and to enjoy some seafood. I am so anxious to get away and to be with family.

It's just hair....

and it's like clockwork. 2 weeks from first chemo and it's starting to come out. Didn't run to get it shaved today 'cause I had graduation to go to. Amazing how fast it changes. Earlier this a.m. I was doing the "pull" test, no strands of hair. Then lunch, it comes out. Powerful drugs. But I do know that it does grow back.

Graduation was really nice. Tim's girlfriend graduated, along with other kids we knew. And an unexpected treat was to see my friend Becky there. Her son graduated tonight. I had been sitting by myself and she invited me to join her family. Tim sat with his friends. So it was really nice.

Well, tomorrow is chemo #3 and I'll be getting a new drug this time, avistin. First time for me. Hoping for no side effects (except some shrinkage of tumor!).

Night.

Power of prayer

Since waking up this a.m. I've been looking forward to going to bed.

Just had a phone call from a neighbor/friend who also works at the college. She said that we've been on her mind lately, and she was just watching a Billy Graham show on TV. Had to pick up the phone and call me. She called to pray for me over the phone. Meant so much to me to know that someone took the time to do that. Prayer, it is a powerful thing. I do question why these things are happening to us, and at times when people say we're an inspiration I wish the situation would change and I could just be normal. But there must a reason that only God knows.

Had thought I was feeling better until a bit after logging off last night. Then a headache came, went to bed and the aches returned. Took a long time to sleep, and once I did I was tossing and turning all night. Can't wait to hit the bed tonight!

New landscaping

We had some landscaping done today. And boy does it look nice. Brought in lots of fill and topsoil to level the front yard, planted grass and removed the large rocks that were there. End result is to make our lives easier. Able to sit on the mower and get the lawn done with ease. Less time weedwacking for Tim. We also had a bed made in back of deck and out front by the rhubarb where I can plant lots of perennials.

After dinner tonight, on the spur of the moment, I called my good friend Joanne who I used to work with at the bank. She met me at Home Depot to do some flower shopping. Then we went to Lowe's to finish the job. And for a special treat we ended our unplanned visit at McDonald's for sundaes. I don't know about you, but it's often times that are not planned that work out even better! Sure was nice seeing her. I did promise her to take pictures of the garden once I get it planted.
That will be my fun thing to do after work tomorrow.

"To plant a garden is to believe in the future."

PS. Aches went away this p.m. and am feeling pretty good. Yeah..

Update on second chemo Taxol

Geez, if I don't blog soon I'm going to forget everything that happened this weekend.
Yesterday was actually a good day. Barry and I did some clothes shopping for him while Tim reffed two soccer games. Then we went shopping for new laptop. The one we had was about 6 years old and it was working like it was a dial up computer. Time to replace it. Even went out to lunch. As we were going into the restaurant, the guys made fun of me. They had not told me that the fruit punch drink I had been drinking, had made a nice huge moustache stain on my mouth/lips. Never said a word when we were shopping. Said it looked like I was a clown that didn't know how to put lipstick on! You should have seen the amount of red I swiped off my mouth onto my shirt... Nice guys.

Came home, attempted to nap, but the steroids wouldn't let me. Even though I felt very tired.

Can't remember what I did later in day. Sorry.

This a.m. at about 3:30 a.m. I woke up with very achy legs/hurt to stretch them out. Figured that was caused by bone strengthening meds I was given on Friday. Took some tylenol and eventually fell back to sleep. Even my left fingers were sore. But no fever as the doctor had said I could have got.

We went to 8 a.m. mass as I was eucharistic minister. Had been a couple of weeks since going to church with everything happening. I couldn't get home fast enough. By 9:30 I was back in my jammies since my legs/fingers still were sore. I slept until noon. Barry and Tim went shopping while I was asleep.

I took Tim to his soccer game in afternoon. And boy did it rain. But it did let up after awhile and they were able to play the game. I sat with Lisa and Mike, which was nice. By that time I had felt a bit better, not as achy.

After the game, I took another nap.

My legs are starting to ache a bit now, along with my lower back. Have taken some more tylenol. I do feel better than last week at this time I think. Have to realize that pain means the meds are working to strengthen the bones.

Plan is to make appt. with surgeon this week to have port placed in my collarbone area for chemo treatments.

Tim's got just a few more days left of school. Am very proud of his accomplishments, especially knowing what he's been through the past couple of years.

What cancer cannot do....

 

2nd chemo is complete!

Lisa drove me to my surgeon's office before my chemo treatment, and the area that I had the biopsy is healing perfectly. I questioned if I could have a port installed near my collarbone for chemo, and he said it would not be an issue. Just confirm with my oncologist. My concern was the location of the tumor, perhaps being too close to the area where ports are put under your skin. I'll explain ports another day... My oncologist said fine, so I will contact the surgeon next week. Does as an oupatient and is beneficial when you have so many times IV being used on your arm/veins. And I only am able to use one arm due to lymph nodes removed on the other.

I received Taxol again today. Dr. G. said that the first treatment does cause the symptoms I had talked about, lack of energy. But hopefully this one will be better. I did get some boost energy drinks from them as samples. Plus I've been told by another cancer survivor about a berry drink, a short 4 letter word, but damned if I can remember it! Will check that out also. Had blood work before hand to check my counts/hemoglobin/platelets etc. All in the acceptable range, but have dropped some since last week. Didn't take that long to happen. I've been approved for avasten and will have that drug next Friday. I was also given my first treatment of Zometa.

Being on ZOMETA Therapy

ZOMETA is an FDA-approved prescription drug developed by Novartis Oncology. It is used to treat patients with multiple myeloma. ZOMETA is also used to treat other cancers—including breast‚ lung and prostate cancer—that have spread to the bones‚ a process called bone metastasis. When cancer has spread to the bone‚ treatment with ZOMETA helps to protect bones and may reduce or delay such complications as:

Bone fracture
Need for radiation and/or surgery to bone
Spinal cord compression

Even patients who have already experienced bone complications from the spread of cancer to the bones may be helped by treatment with ZOMETA.

ZOMETA is used with cancer treatments such as radiation‚ hormonal therapy‚ or chemotherapy.

To help manage your treatment‚ see additional ZOMETA Patient Resources.

If therapy with ZOMETA is recommended for you‚ here are some things you should know.

ZOMETA is given as an intravenous infusion every 3 to 4 weeks. You may receive it at your doctor’s office or at a clinic or infusion center. The infusion takes at least 15 minutes once ZOMETA is prepared.

-------------------

Dr. G. mentioned to me the possiblilty of a fever tomorrow night from the zometa drug. Just to be on lookout for it.

It was a learning experience for Lisa, who like others including myself, had only heard the words "receiving chemo". She was able to see first hand what that actually means. I am hoping to bring my camera to the next treatment, if I remember to do so. Would like once again to document the process in a personal way. Am anticipating hair loss probably by next Friday. Will once again shave my head to take charge of this situation.

After I got home and took a couple hr. nap, we went to calling hours at about 5:30 p..m for Becky's step dad. That was on my to do list no matter what today. She has been a great support system like so many of our friends. My sympathy is extended to them.

Went home, heated up sgetti and meatballs that Meg had made for us and they were so good. Lisa even brought over some hamloaf "balls" specially made for Tim, along with an Amish friendship loaf of bread. Life is good.

Wanted to do something tonight since for a change I'm feeling myself. Ended up just staying put. Feeling thankful to God for this moment. I'll take each moment that is given to me. And after having some crappy days this week, boy do I feel good right now.

2nd chemo tomorrow

Today was another pretty good day. Am as set as I can be for tomorrow's chemo. Lisa's driving me, and I'll be having a quick check up at my surgeon's office before the treatment. Not sure which chemo drugs I'll be served tomorrow. Depends if insurance has agreed to cover the avasten drug. Time will tell.

As my sister says, here's to strong veins!

A better day

Still yawned most of the day, but I seemed to be a bit better. Am thankful for that.

I make myself post cause I know so many people are concerned about me.

Did go to work today, there in body just not mind. Accomplished a lot of data entry, just wanted my chatty self. But last I knew, that was not a sin. People are concerned but it's hard to explain how you are feeling. Not nauseous thank goodness, but just no energy. Like someone wrung out all my energy.

At lunch Barry cooked bratwurst on the grill which was nice. That allowed me to lay on couch with blanket for about 20 mins. A chance to close my eyes.

As soon as I got home from work (a very long day) I changed into my jammies and got under the covers in my bed. I dozed until 6:30 pm. Tim had helped himself to a bratwurst so he was all set.

If I could get just a small amount of energy back I would be happy. I just have to remember that I'm doing the best I can do. Lay down whenever I can, and get to bed early at night.

A friend has offered to do a house cleaning party for me. In the past I would never have considered such an offer. But you know, I'm this close to saying "go for it." People wouldn't offer if they didn't want to do something. Heck on a healthy day, house cleaning wasn't on my top 10 list. There comes a time when you have to sit back and just say yes.

zero energy and I don't like it

not sure if it's steroids going away and/or chemo working, but my energy level is at a low. no umph at all and I don't like that feeling. very depressing to know that right around the corner is another treatment. Tim's so kind, hugs me and says it's not my fault. It just sucks.

asking for healing energy and prayers.

Feeling good continues...but not for long..

Going with the flow and I continue to feel good. Slept peacefully. Am hoping that Barry contacts the Reiki Master to have some spiritual energy sent his way. He has trouble sleeping, sweats, etc. The way I look at it, I'll try anything.

Off to first graduation party this afternoon. Lamb on the spit will be main course. Barry's already drooling for it. Using that as his away message on computer today.

Updated blog 11:20 p.m.

I wrote on my blog a bit too soon this a.m. Things changed once I took the morphine time release pill. Don't think I should have taken that this a.m. Even though they told me to keep ahead of the pain, I think it was a bad thing to do. I did cut the lawn afterwards, and made up 2 hanging baskets for deck. By the time I was doing that, I was feeling a bit whipped. Most of the day is a blur. About 2 p.m., I went to bed knowing that at 4 p.m. the graduation party was starting. Wasn't able to really sleep. Did get up at about 4:30 p.m. Talked it over with Barry and said we would go to party. I at least needed some food in my stomach. Most of the time at the party was a blur, was there in body but my head was elsewhere. I could hear conversations but I wasn't really a part of them.

As soon as got home, which was before 7 p.m. we both headed to bed. I could not get comfortable since my jaw/teeth had slight ache. Weird feeling. Eventually did fall asleep and just woke up at 11 p.m. for an ice pop. Barry slept a couple of hours.

I am so glad that I'm off tomorrow for the holiday. Needless to say, I'm not taking any more meds. If pain comes back, I'll take something. Can't see why people like to do drugs. Not for me.

Can't wait to see Tim. Both times he called, we missed talking to him.

A good day for me, thank God.

Knock on wood, so far so good. Have had no discomfort from first chemo treatment. About only thing different is "trench mouth". Yucky taste. But that's fine with me.
Slept well. Went out and bought some more herbs and flowers to make hanging bags. Wasn't going to do them this year, but they always do look nice. My sister had shown me how to make them for my deck.

Tim's off with his friend for the weekned. House is already too quiet.

My holiday weekend plan is to relax! take care of myself! and I think it's about time for a little siesta! Barry's already beat me to that.

Have still taking the time release morphine to keep it in my system, insurance policy.

Looking forward to going to the first graduation party with the Beckster family tomorrow afternoon. Even Barry's able to come since it's a holiday weekend.

Thanks again for everyone's powerful prayers and positive energy.

11 p.m. And end of a good day. Went out to dinner with Barry and missed what could be Tim's one and only call to us! Have to say, today was a good day.

My first chemo treatment is complete

Julie drove me to the cancer center, but only after I posed with her for a picture. Had to blog a picture, you know the routine. One of these days I will also take some pictures of the actual treatment. This round of treatments is with a chemo drug called Taxol. I am waiting for insurance approval to add the drug avistin which presently only has FDA approval for colorectal cancer, but doing wonders with breast cancer. If insurance denies this drug for my treatment, the social worker has papers all set to apply for the drug from another source, perhaps drugmaker. I signed application papers today.

Before the chemo drug is given via IV, pre meds are given to me. These include benadryl for possible allergice reactions, kytril (used to prevent nausea and vomiting as a result of chemotherapy and radiation therapy. Kytril offers you the confidence to control these distressing side effects of cancer treatments) and a steroid called decadron. Oh yes, pepcid for my stomach too. Once these are given, the glass bottle containing Taxol is hung and connected to my IV. The drip dosage at first is very slow, just to make sure I am not having an allergic reaction. Fast beating heart/flused cheeks are watched. I think they adjusted the drip dispensing about 4 times before it began to drip at the fast speed. As soon as the benadryl was given in my vein, my eyes became so heavy. I had my eyes shut through most of the treatment, with the lights out in the room. Julie sat my the doorway doing paperwork, using the hall light for herself. She was very good company. I do see the need for a driver to the treatment each week due to this drowsiness.

As I walked up the driveway, I think I was walking like I was on drugs! oops, I guess I was!! A bit drunky. Said a quick hello to Barry and announced I was heading to bed. Think it was about 2:30 p.m. when I got home. I felt good and wanted to take advantage of the sleepy feeling. I quickly put jammies on after calling my dad with news of the chemo. Bed felt so good.

Barry and I went out to dinner tonight. Pain level is at an almost zero, but am taking time release morphine as prescribed. I know how fast it can come back. No nausea, no side effects. Knock on wood. I feel pretty good. Must be all the positive energy and prayers people are sending me.

I intend to do very little this weekend. Going to pamper myself and take a step back. Tim will be away at Ben's family camp this weekend. Barry did uncover the 5th wheel camper this a.m. (after he made Tim a gourmet breakfast and drove him to school). So it will be Barry and me this weekend.

Thanks to all.

Julie is my chauffeur for my first chemo treatment today. Nothing compares to friendship!

 

A good night's sleep

Am so thankful for a good night's sleep.

Julie is taking me to my first treatment this a.m. She's a nurse and is quite familiar with oncology. A good friend.

And I'm also excited about my sister's new friend who is involved in Reiki, Japanese art of healing through energy. She's going to send me some energy tonight. I'm open to anything, anything that is positive. Have asked her if it could be send the mornings I have treatment also.

And once again, thanks to this blog for a way of me telling me/our story. Who would have thought it would have touched so many lives. I get instant emails whenever someone posts a comments, so please keep them coming. I don't get notified any other way. So if you just read my blog, I am not aware of that. But I do appreciate you taking the time.

My chauffeur arrives at 10:30 a.m. so off to get something in my tummy.

PS. Perhaps I'll even have a recent picture of me taken today.

Cluttered mind

My mind is a bit cluttered right now. My chest seems like it is in overload, pumping so fast. It's just that there was no real mental prep for tomorrow's chemo for me. Not that it would have helped. Wam, bam, here I am. Have taken anxiety/anti depressant/pain meds. Think I've covered everything.

Forgot one thing. A good friend of mine, a bosom buddy, dropped off this huge chicken in a roasting pan for dinner tonight. Out of the blue, and perfect timing. I had nothing planned. Along with apple pie. Once again, terrible situations bringing out the best in people.

Have heard from people that I would never have expected to.

Short post now, as I'm mentally exhausted. I think my laundry is going to have to stay wet in the dryer!

Off to bed where I pray for a good night's sleep. Looking forward to that energy being sent my way. Cool.

11 a.m. treatment. Bring on good veins.

Pain returns for a visit

As bad as I'm feeling tonight, couldn't go to bed without an update. Had good day at job, accomplished a lot, people were so kind. They called me an inspiration. Felt good.

Had hair cut after work at about 6 p.m. Tim went to school function at about 6:45 p.m. I headed to mall and grocery store. By the time I was leaving town, the pain was slowly coming back to my chest. It was the longest 1 hr. 10 min. trip that I've had lately. Had not brought any meds, but had bought tylenol in store. I don't know how I made it home with the pain.

Quickly took meds (called oncologist for drug recommendation) consisting of vicadin. Just quietly layed on couch watching tv On drive home I was trying to do breathing exercises to make the pain less.

Meds are kicking in now, off to bed. Scary now since I now know the pain is caused by cancer. For sure, the pain meds have to come with me on trips. Am hoping to work tomorrow, but time will tell.

Night.

No sleep for me

Last night was a mostly sleepless night. Guess it made up for the nights/days I was sleeping so well. Headache remains, will take something for it. I do know that tonight will be better sleeping night. Off to work shortly. Wearing my new capris to work. Had never been allowed to wear them at old job. Along with sandals. Am hoping the a/c is on now at my job since it's going to be 80s.

It's back.......

Yes, the cancer is back. Not the words I wanted to hear but the words I expected to hear. The same cancer name, recurrence of breast cancer but in different location. Beneath the sternum (chest bone) coming out around the side pertruding through my chest. About 4 c.m. in size. Not surprised, knew it in my gut. You don't have a large growth coming out of your chest 2 years from breast cancer for no reason at all. Shed no tears while talking to oncologist, had already shed some past week or so.

Additional testing is being done on the tissue.

The Plan:

Chemo will begin this Friday with two drugs. Taxol and avastin, plus a drug for super bone strength. Can't remember the name. Wonder why? Chemo every Friday for 3 weeks, then off the 4th Friday. No delay, starting right away. Hair loss once again, plus possible neuropathy and skin irritations (acne on face). Will have to get my hats back and scarves borrowed from Jody again.

They say 1 in 7 get breast cancer. Am still wondering why some get it twice.

I've shed some tears this p.m. once again, but I do have a plan. I return back to work tomorrow for a couple of days and then chemo on Friday. With chemo on Fridays I can rest 2 days on the weekends. I did it once before, and I hope to continue to hold my head high during this period. Bottom line is there is no cure for cancer. All it takes is one cell, and mine was probably tucked away under my chest bone in a lymph node.

Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers. Believe me, I don't know how people can make it through this shit without faith.

Off to see oncologist

Am hoping I hear pathology results today, but it could be a bit too early. But at least I'll be meeting with oncologist so he can see first hand the area in question.
Yesterday was first day without prescription meds, and just took over the counter. One thing I've been noticing is how extremely tired I have been. Yawn practically all day, and when I sleep boy do I sleep. After getting Tim up for school, I immediately go back to bed and sleep until 10 ish. Often during the day, I take 2 -3 hr. nap. In trying to assess this, I am thinking it could be related to the anti depressant that my medical dr. prescribed when I was in hospital. Have since read side effects and that is one. So, after talking with my sister last night I took only 1/2 the pill at bedtime and will go over this with my oncologist today. Need to wean myself off of that pill in my opinion. Have also had a mild headache in the back of my head for past couple of days. Can't think of anything else but perhaps a blood test might show.

Off to 2 p.m. appt.

Am planning on returning to work tomorrow. Will call them later, barring anything out of the ordinary.

A plan....

Definition of plan:

A scheme, program, or method worked out beforehand for the accomplishment of an objective: a plan of attack.

Today I/we began my plan. This was done by going to our church and for the second time we both got the blessing of the sick.

Definition:

The Catholic Church sees the effects of the sacrament as follows. As the sacrament of Marriage gives grace for the married state, the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick gives grace for the state into which people enter through sickness. Through the sacrament is given a gift of the Holy Spirit that renews confidence and faith in God and strengthens against temptations to discouragement and anguish at the thought of death and the struggle of death. It thus leads to spiritual healing with forgiveness of sins and, sometimes, to bodily healing as well.

The oil used in the sacrament is usually olive oil, though other vegetable oil may also be used (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1513). It is blessed by the bishop of the diocese at the Chrism Mass he celebrates on Holy Thursday or on a day close to it. In case of necessity, the priest administering the sacrament may bless the oil within the framework of the celebration (Code of Canon Law, canon 999).

In the Roman Rite of the Western Catholic Church, the priest anoints the sick person's forehead with oil (usually in the form of a cross), saying: "Through this holy anointing, may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit." He then anoints the hands, saying, "May the Lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up." He may also, in accordance with local culture and traditions, and the needs of the sick person, anoint other parts of the body, but without repeating the sacramental formula.

A positive step taken for our plan.

We see oncologist tomorrow at 2 p.m.

People ask my how Tim's doing?

People ask me how Tim's doing? Can't really answer that question. He's a kid, on top of that he's male. But this is what makes up my son.

I needed him to take me to the store for some groceries. He said "one sec. I'm looking up a recipe online." Came downstairs and told me that he couldn't find what he was looking for. I asked him what it was? He told me it was a chicken spicy dish over rice that Lisa has made for him a couple of times. To his surprise, and to mine (since I had not lost it), I found it printed out next to my computer.

So you guessed it, we went to the store and then Tim made the chicken thai dish. A bit spicy for me (said he will tone it down next time, add more soy sauce) but it was still delicious. His friend Ben and girlfriend stopped by to invite him for ice cream, he declined saying "he was making dinner!"

This was such a caring gesture that he did for me today. I think he's kind of special..

Also, he walked in a Cystic fybrosis walk-a-thon today on a team for a friend of ours daugher, Clare. His friend had asked him to awhile back, and he jumped at the opportunity. Had a great time, and it was certainly a great cause. Great job, Clare and family.

Thoughts

Yesterday I got a call from my boss in the a.m. Actually I was still sleeping. One of the questions that was asked was "when do you expect to come back to work." Truly a good question. I thought to myself and said my goal would be Monday or Tuesday. But have pondered my comment ever since it was made. Yes, that's a goal but not an honest expectation on my part. My chest area in my opinion has grown, perhaps due to incision/being imflamed or because it's one week older. I've tried to cut back on the pain meds in preparation of going back to work, but this defeats the purpose of the meds. The pain comes back even more. The meds cause drowsiness, and therefore I've been taking 3-5 hr. naps during the day. And they are such sound naps thank God.

I've been told, and yes I should know this myself, that my health is worth more than a job. Nothing has changed since being hospitalized, except a few more tests and a biopsy. The pain continues, the tumor remains. Come Tuesday I am hopeful for some results. This will be my first appt. to see my oncologist. As of this week, he had not even been sent the results of any of my tests. He was going to have his office contact my primary doctor.

So, I have to tell my job that for now I won't be in on Monday until I have more information to deal with. Perhaps a different way to control the pain.


PS. Just found this comment on a friend's journal who is going through recurrence of breast cancer:


God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, nor sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Tim and his girlfriend before the prom

 

Tim and his friends before the prom last week.

 

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So I decided to have Tim take some shots of the tumor.

 

 

 

 

Biopsy is done

After Barry had his weekly blood drawn at the Cancer Center, we went to the hospital at noon. It was 1:25 p.m. when I was wheeled into the operating room. By the time I scooted over to the table, I was out like the light. Next thing I knew I was coming to in the recovery room.

But let me backtrack a bit. When we arrived in the hospital room, I had to put the gorgeous gown on. This traumatized Barry so much! to see my naked body... Every inch of flab. His eyes burned. I told him needed to ask for a pain killer to help him out! It's this kind of laughter that keeps us together and going.

Results won't be ready until perhaps Tuesday. And this is good estimate since previous patholgy tests I've had took that long. They sent me on my way home with a percocit. (which reminds me it's time for another pill)

We got home at about 4:30 p.m. I was anxious to see how Tim did on his try out for Drum Major. He unfortunately did not get the position. He was pleased for the boy that got it, and that just shows the kind of person Tim is. In my heart I thought he would have selected, but I was wrong. Wasn't meant to be. Better things will come his way I'm sure.

Have to be at hospital at noon tomorrow for 1:30 p.m. biopsy.

Head ct scan complete

I had the head ct scan done this a.m. That was the quickest test I've had done recently. In and out. And I would think since it was done so early in day, the results should not be delayed. But time will tell.

Am going to attempt to just use over the counter tylenol for pain today. I don't like the groggy feeling that the morphine has on me. Can't understand why druggies do drugs. Even though the last pill I took was at 9 p.m. last night, I'm still feeling the effect of it. At times hard to keep my eyes open, plus it causes slight headache.

Tim's having a big week this week. He's been practicing for Drum Major. This morning one of his tryouts was to lead the middle school band in Star Spangled Banner. I can't wait to hear how he did. I think that he would do great in that position. He had to write an essay on why he would be good at the position, and I was quite impressed by it. (not that I'm biased!) Tomorrow is the big test when they tryout in front of band teacher and a teacher from the college. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he gets this.

Update on my health

I actually did sleep through the whole night. Surprised me. Have spoken to both my medical dr. and oncologist first thing this a.m. I am scheduled for head ct scan at 8 a.m. tomorrow. The recent bone scan and the one from 2 years ago show similar spot on the front head skull, but this is also reason for tomorrow's test. Just to be on safe side. Oncologist pleased that bone scan showed no cancer in bones. The biopsy will be done Thursday p.m., time unknown right now.

By noon I was feeling the effect of the morphine med, a bit light headed/loopy as they say. After eating a quick lunch, I went to bed and slept for almost 3 hrs. The dr. has said to take the vicadin in between meds, but I will try not to do that. I don't like the feeling of not being clear in the mind. I have an appt. for next Tuesday with oncologist, hopefully he will have results of biopsy which usually takes 3-4 days. I couldn't believe that my oncologist had not been sent any test results, as I was told they had been. They were going to follow up on that today.

sorry for no prom pics. Haven't downloaded anything. Eventually.

I'm home...

Short entry now but wanted to say that I'm home. MRI showed nothing unusual and bone scan showed nothing in bones. Did see small speck of something in skull area, and the dr. told me something I can't recall. But my comeback line was to check same scan of 2 years ago to see if it was there also. He will check tomorrow.

By 6:00 tonight my pain was back to what it was when I was admitted on Sat. Made call to dr. and he said to take the prescribed morphine med, and if needed during the night to take a vicaden that I have. Said pain is probably due to irritation on ribs, either way very painful to even breath.

No biopsy being done until Th. p.m. due to area involved. Wants it done in OR setting.

Right now have slight fever, could tell my hot eyes. 100.2. You know, life can suck at times.

Not a Happy Mother's Day

This is Eileen again for my sister Jane. I just got off the phone with her and she is in la la land with the meds. Ha Ha Ha They are getting her pain somewhat under control. She will be having a bone scan and MRI tomorrow. She asked me to tell everyone she doesn't have her phone with her so she has no phone numbers. I will let you all know how she is doing after the tests tomorrow. Please continue to pray for all of them. Thanks for being there for them as we are all so far away.
Eileen

Back in hospital

This is Jane's sister writting for her tonight. Jane is in the hospital with a tumor or her sternum. It is about 2" long. There is not cure for this, but treatment. She is in alot of pain and they are trying to control it now They will be doing more tests on Monday and I will post when I get more info from her. Please pray for my sister, Barry and Tim.
Eileen

I'm still here.....

Barry's boss mesntioned to him today that I had been quiet lately on my blog. I have to agree with him. I'm still here, just not bloggin'. There are just times that basically my life is pretty uneventful, and therefore I feel I have nothing interesting to write. And I guess that can be taken as a good thing.

On this Saturday, May 12 it will be my 2 year anniversary for having my first chemo treatment. Funny how things like that are important to you, things to mark down on a calendar. That was also the same day I heard that Barry had cancer. You know, you can never go back.. just forward. Never the same.

About 3 weeks ago I noticed a lump in what the dr. calls my rib area. The area where my cross on my necklace lays. Quite obvious to the touch, and just to look at me. Went to the doctor, he sent me for rib x ray and they came back normal. He put me on celebrex for a couple of weeks thinking inflammation. Well, as of now it's still there. I went back to see dr. yesterday and am scheduled for a chest CT scan tomorrow after work. I've also come down with upper respiratory infection, AKA common cold. The dr. gave me a nasal spray to use once a day. No relief yet. Started with sore throat the day after Barry's chemo treatment in Pittsburgh. Then it became the nasal drip causing annoying cough. And it wasn't my intention but Barry now has it. Was up practically all last night with the cough. And today he said his insides ache so much from the strain of coughing. We make a good pair.
I feel so bad for him, with his recent treatment his immune system is not the best.
This too shall pass.

This Friday is going to be a very good day. Tim is going to his first prom with his girl friend. Got his tuxedo tonight. Can't wait to see all his friends dressed up. I'm looking forward to that day. Kids grow too fast.

We've been having some yard work done. After sewers were installed last year, our yard was so destroyed. So we've started the rebuilding process. All stumps on our property were grinded down today and hopefully within a week or so a landscaper will be here to power rake the yard, bring in some new soil and plant a new better lawn.
Now Tim won't have to weed whack so much, I can just go crazy with the mower. Should look better than before once it's done.

Again, I'm here and I do appreciate everyone's concern. PS Hope to post some pix soon.

Barry's home

I got to the hospital by 8 a.m., in time to see Barry's doctor make his rounds. As usual, Barry didn't get discharged until about 11:30 a.m. A very long wait. Got his shot of morphine for the trip home. By morning the pain level was at a 4 thank goodness. Not a good treatment as pain goes. But at least it's history now.

He went right into his bed when we got home. I took phone off the hook and also went to take rest. Woke up with sore throat which I'm trying to fight off.

Tim had been at a school event all day, and he got home at 5 p.m. I went out to get pizza for dinner, no energy to cook. Tasted good.

Barry's back to bed, I'm off to take bath, and hopefully back to bed myself. Can't speak for Barry, but these treatment days take a toll on you. Mentally and physically. Can't wait to get jammies on.

Bye.

Today was one of the tougher chemo treatments. Requiring a lot of morphine, but still he's in pain. Scale of 1 - 10, he says it's a 10. They went back to treating the other side of the liver, whereas the past 2 cycles were on the other side and he had no pain with the chemo. He's had better days. Only thing he's had in stomach today was some water that I gave him through straw. Since the chemo was delayed so much, he didn't get into a room until 2:45 p.m. Therefore he wouldn't be able to get off of his back until about 9 p.m. I left the hospital at 8:30 p.m. so that I could grab a bus back to Family House. They don't run all night and I'm not good at walking Pittsburgh streets by myself.

I'm off to my room for what I hope will be a good sleep.

Back to hospital in a.m. to bring Barry home. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. They mean the world to us.

Another chemo treatment

We head to Pittsburgh once again (thank God) tomorrow a.m. for Barry's chemoembolization. Have to be there bright and early. I believe it has been 11 weeks since his last treatment in February.

New job is going well with me. Lots to learn, but am feeling more comfortable every day. Always hard learning new things. One good part of the job is being able to see Barry every day for lunch. In the past I would only see him on the weekends.
And I'm saving lots of wear and tear on my car with the short commute.

If possible tomorrow, I will update you on Barry's procedure. Positive thoughts muchly appreciated.

Poem sent to me by my "bosom buddy" today

Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough".

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom".

They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?".

"Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?".

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means? ".

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone". She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled! even more. "When we said , 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them". Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess .

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.

Tim is the second person on the left. He was a Captain on a Relay for Life team. These are just a few of his friends that took the time to participate in such a good cause.

The survivor's lap is a difficult lap to walk. But I can tell you personally, each year it does get a little better. The woman on the right with the classy short hair do is one of my new bosum buddies. Each of us show strength as we walk the walk.

We made it another year. Tim joins us on the survivor's lap.

The middle student is Sara. She will be graduating from college next month. I met her at this same Relay for Life in April 2005. A cancer survivor since she was a teenager. She even recognized me once again and gave me a hug.

Footloose

I've just returned from seeing our High School production of Footloose. I saw a 'dress rehearsal' production last night, but it certainly doesn't compare to tonight's opening show. What a talented bunch of kids we have in our own small town. You can tell a good performance when the audience has their eyes focused right on stage watching. The main actress in the show was a girl I never knew could sing. And boy does she have a beautiful voice. The whole cast was top notch. This was Tim's first play/musical. He was in the chorus. I was just as proud of him as any other person in the cast. It got his toes wet and he's looking forward to next year and trying out for a bigger part. As I told him, you have to start somewhere.

I go back to see the show on Friday with Barry. Lots of good music that I don't get tired of.

Congratulations! to everyone that was involved in the production.

Happy Easter

And they talk about Global Warming. This picture was taken today. I had to show my Easter lilly on the table with the snow. Beautiful picture.

I'm dreamin' of a white Easter..

That's what Barry is singing. Probably due to the ground being white outside, and flurries still coming down. Poor forsythia! April can be an iffy month.

I'm off from work today. Yeah. 9 days complete with new job.

CT Scan results

Heard from the doctor today. CT scan results are stable/no change. His next chemo will be April 27th. A bit longer in between chemos due to doctor's schedule and my schedule. I like to have the treatments on a Friday so I only miss the one day of work.. Could have had treatment earlier but it would have been in middle of a week.

March 31-Scooter takes me for a ride

Well, another nice day outside. All week we've had nice warm weather. Actually even drove my scooter after washing it. Couldn't resist riding it. Especially since the calendar does still say March. Did see that snow could be coming next week though. Even did a bit of raking.

Went out to dinner with the Beckster and family. As usual, a nice evening out.

Tim's life has been filled with play rehearsals. Almost every day he has about a 3 hr. rehearsal. Have heard that the end result is usually amazing. Should be with all their hard work. My one concern is that he be able to maintain his grades that he's always had, and do the play. Plus outdoor soccer is starting. He does enjoy the play, even if he is just in the chorus. I think that life could be a bit easier once he gets his license in August. This week was just a bit overwhelming for me, with new job and play practices, along with guitar lesson. Plus the anxiety of CT scans for Barry. But as Tim told me, "mom, you're doing fine." I don't know how parents can have their kids involved in so many activities. My mind (especially this week) could not handle it.

We should hear on Monday on how Barry's CT scans went. Then we'll have a plan for his next chemo treatment.

Next CT scans

Barry's been scheduled for his next CT scans this Friday in Pittsburgh. It's been 7 weeks since his treatment. If there is growth, he will have chemo next Friday, Good Friday. If there is no change the chemo will be April 20th. Of course we are praying for no change, just to make it farther between treatments. Less time away from his job.

First day complete

My first day on the new job is done. I met so many wonderful people. Wish I could remember all their names but I can't. It was also special just seeing some familiar faces there. It was a typical first day on the job, listening to so much information but knowing that it is only my first day. As my boss said, she was told 3 years and she would know the complete cycle of the job!
Everyone was so kind to me, and it's my kind of department to work in: food is appreciated there! One thing that this job offers that my other job didn't: the ability to wear sandals. Oh yes, free local newspaper.. Can't beat that.

I did come home for lunch to see Barry which was nice. Only drawback to leaving the college for lunch, is you lose your parking spot. I think that my scooter will come in handy due to its size, especially for parallel parking on the street.

A new beginning

Today was an absolutely gorgeous day. Temps hitting 70 degrees I believe. Tim went shopping at Goodwill for his outfit to wear in the school play of Footloose. While he was gone, I went to the college track and walked my first mile of this year. My goal is to get back to walking since it's right where I'll be working. Plus I'll be getting out of work 1/2 hr earlier than I'm used to, and saving about 1/2 hr of commuting. I washed my truck and Tim's car later on in the day. Couldn't resist the nice warm temps. Felt like heaven. Talked to my parents on Cape Cod and they had temps in the 40s. What a difference.

Oh yes, I may have walked a mile today but I also enjoyed 2 strawberry shortcake desserts! Oh well....

Just like a first day of school, I've got my clothes all set for my new job tomorrow. Can't wait. I hope I sleep well tonight. I haven't had a new job in 4 years. A new beginning.

Changes

Today I was just going to post about tomorrow being my last day at the bank, but today's news put a little change in my thought process. I heard that Elizabeth Edwards is battling cancer once again. She went through breast cancer in 2004 and now has been diagnosed with cancer on a rib and possibly lung. Yes, cancer sucks. Doesn't matter who you are or what you do, you can be a target for this terrible disease. What gets me the most is the headlines that the media put out there about the news conference: Edwards wife's cancer treatable not curable. Why is there a need to put this spin on her recent diagnosis. I swear the media is just out to get people. It's hard enough to hear the word cancer. Sure, no cure now but was this conference about that? Don't think so.

Well, tomorrow is my last day at the bank. This week has certainly dragged for me. After work today (early day) we went out for drinks and dinner at a Mexican restaurant. I hope my new boss is as kind and compassionate as this boss has been to me. And I think she will be.

I start my new job on Monday. Have already heard from several people at the College looking for lunch dates. Nice going someplace that you know other people. Looking forward to this change.

It's my TWO year Cancer-versary today!

And to think that J remembered it. You can tell who has personally been touched by cancer to remember such a date.

Yes, 2 years ago today I first heard that dreaded word "cancer". It's so clear to me. Look at what has happened since to us. So much, the good the bad and the ugly.

I'm headed to work early this a.m. for a "breakfast with the President" meeting. Took me 4 years to be able to get up to that special floor of that building, and am looking forward to it.

Well, off to work I go. And with a much clearer mind. Thanks.

Sclerosing adenosis-Diagnosis that I did write down

Sclerosing adenosis
A guide to diagnosis and treatment
Sclerosing adenosis is a benign condition whereby extra tissue grows within the breast lobules.
It can cause recurring pain, or result in a small, firm lump in the breast.
Diagnosis
Your GP will refer you to a specialist at a breast clinic for a mammogram or ultrasound scan.
Because sclerosing adenosis can be difficult to distinguish from breast cancer, you may be advised to have a biopsy or a small operation to remove the affected area.
The tissue is then tested in the laboratory to confirm the diagnosis.
Sclerosing adenosis is also found by chance on routine mammograms, or following breast surgery.
You can find out more about breast clinic investigations from the link below.
Treatment
Following a clear diagnosis, no further treatment is required, although you may choose to take painkillers if needed.
What this means
Having sclerosing adenosis doesn't increase your risk of breast cancer, but it is important to continue to be breast aware and to go back to your GP if you notice any further changes.

4 P.M Call from Dr.-BENIGN!!

I called the Cancer Center this a.m. to have them tell Dr. G. that I was home today. This way he could call me with the results if he gets them today. I heard from the Center when they called me back, that Dr. G would not be in until Monday. She said that he would be only person who could read the results. This is crazy. I asked if another oncologist would please read them and call me, as waiting until Monday is an eternity. You would think that they would be considerate enough and able to read any biopsy result that they got, regardless of who the patient is.

I also took a step and left a message on Dr. G's home phone about this. Not something I would normally do, but to me this is very important. The not-knowing is the worst thing, something I tell others of all the time.

4 P.M. Just got call from an oncologist at Cancer Center. BENIGN tissue samples!! Nothing cancer related. Thank God.

Biopsy is done

And the wait begins.

I was at the hospital for about 2 hrs. having the stereotactic biopsy done. I was already familiar with the process. A mammogram is done beforehand to pinpoint the area where the calcifications are. You lay on your stomach and have your breast pop through a hole in the table. The radioligist and the nurse work beneath you, after they raise the table up a bit. Your breast is compressed quite tightly, like a mammogram. Additional pictures are taken when a needle is inserted into the breast after being cleansed and numbed. I can't remember how many pictures are actually taken during the procedure. Once they have calculated the area they want to biopsy, this location is input into the computer so that the needle knows where to go. There is a loud bang at one point, this is when the needle is sort of boomeranged into the area. Like a slingshot. There is discomfort when this is done. I never actually even saw the radiologist as my head was aimed the other direction. You are not allowed to move at all. I can just listen to the conversations. By the end, my hands were so sweaty. After the specimens are obtained it is time to insert a clip into the area that was biopsied. This is used should I need surgery, to pin point the area in question. When the needle was removed, the nurse told me that it was bleeding such that it needed to once again be compressed. And this time, harder! Apparently an artery was cut. The nurse said that I had required more anesthesia than normally due to this fact. The reason for my "ouches". My breast was compressed for 10 long minutes and then bandaged up. Another mammogram picture was taken after the procedure which showed that all calcifications had been removed.

I should get the results of this biopsy in a day or two.

Once home, I quickly ate as it was 1 p.m. and went right to bed. Emotionally exhausted. Couldn't wait to get into my jammies.

In the evening we went to Tim's band banquet. I didn't want to miss it as last year I did due to that biopsy. I'm beginning to dislike the month of March.

Thanks for all your prayers.

Biopsy tomorrow

My breast biopsy is tomorrow a.m. Am thinking only positive thoughts. Will keep you posted.
Probably won't know results of it for a couple of days. Have had same procedure last year so am aware of what to expect.

New job 4 ME

Well, it took me about 4 years of trying but I finally got a job at our local college in town! I start on 3/26/07. Barry used to make fun of me. Everytime I got a reject notice from them, he would say I was gathering wall paper making material. What a mean guy! But as he told Tim, persistence paid off.

The hours are less and I will now be able to see Barry every day. At times now, I only see him on the weekend. Plus it's less than a mile away. Look at all the gas I'm going to save. I'm going to truly be a local person. This past winter I would drive to work in snow storms with white knuckles. Not my cup of tea. Stress that I don't need. And in the summer you can work without taking an away lunch and get out of work early. That'll be nice.

I will certainly miss my friends at the bank but know that I'll make just as many at the college.
Heck, I already know so many now!

Happy Anniversary to US

Yes, today's our anniversary. 27 years and still counting....

We're going out to dinner to celebrate. Really looking forward to it.

PS Posting this early so I don't forget come tomorrow a.m.

Mammo results

I knew something was up when the nurse needed to take another picture for mammogram. And then the radiologist came in to talk to me. There are 2 spots in question in the right breast that had cancer. He says probably nothing (easy for him to say), that he would bet his house on it, but.... I need to have a sterotactic biopsy on it to find out for sure. Funny how things work. It was a year ago that I had the same biopsy done on the other breast, followed by lumpectomy to remove what could have been pre-cancerous tissue. I'm trying to do as I say, not let tears cloud my vision but it's kind of hard. To get back to reality I have to think of Barry and what he's going through.

My oncologist received the report immediately, and has scheduled this biopsy for March 13th at 11 a.m. One step at a time.

There are times I think that boobs just are not worth the trouble!

8 p.m. I've left my pity party and feel a lot better. Got my nails done and had some pizza with Tim. Been about 6 weeks without nails on. Love having them done.

Another mammo tomorrow

Yes, 6 months has come upon me already. Time for another follow-up mammo. But you know, I sort of look forward to it. A chance to rule out any of the aches I've previously had, too see for sure that everything is AOK. So wish me luck. Hope I pass with flying colors!

It's my birthday...

Well, it was my 51st birthday today. And now at almost 10 p.m., my birthday week celebration is coming to an end. I love birthdays. And I make them last more than one day. Last night we went out to dinner with friends after I had chinese food with the people I work with for lunch. A great day.

Today we went out to lunch also. This evening I participated in our church's first ever chili cook off even. A fundraiser for our youth ministry's mission trip this summer which Tim is a part of. It was a lot of fun. Didn't win, but still had fun. All the teenagers gathered around me and presented me with a piece of cake with a candle in it. Sang happy birthday to me. A real nice surprise. Have never been with so many people on my birthday.

So, all in all a great celebration!

Almost my birthday

Today we are celebrating my birthday at work. Plus, after work we are going out to dinner with friends. So all in all, it's going to be a great day! Tomorrow's my actual 51st birthday.

Yes, I'm still here...

Yes, I'm still here. Just taking a rest from bloggin'. Since my last writing, Tim has got his learner's permit. Growing up too fast. We also bought him a car that used to be my mom's car. Everything is going nicely into place. Barry took him out for his first driving lesson. So far so good. I think he's driven about 4 times. A whole new experience for all of us. In fact, Tim was asked to write an article for our Church youth newsletter. I would like to share it with you as it truly touched my heart. It's called "Driving."

Learning new things can be a scary thing, no matter what it is. After all, we all fear what we don’t know. Personally, I received my driver’s permit the other day and the car has been my major adversary. I’ve wanted to drive all of my life, but when I got behind that steering wheel for the first time, I choked up. But then I started to think. I tried to think of something to calm me down, and then I thought of God. It made me realize that He would help me do this, as He has done throughout my life. In the end, hasn’t He always been there when we were scared and needed direction? I then found that if I let Him do the driving, it made it all easy. Life can be the same way if you put your trust in God to lead you the right way, even if you stumble to follow. Either way, I can drive well enough, but only thanks to my great teacher.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I told him it was similar to Carrie Underwood's song "Jesus take the wheel."


This morning we woke up to our first black ice storm. I went out to get the paper and came upon our vehicles in a sheet of ice. The walkway and driveway was the same. I proceded to back out of the driveway, only to slowly slide crossway down it. I had no control over it. As I came to a stop, I called Barry inside the house. He came out and told me to put it in 4 wheel drive. I eventually drove it back into the garage. Getting the paper was not that important! Of course, he did call me a couple of names like "retard" and "whuss" (not sure of spelling). But that's Barry! I did tell Tim my story only to make him aware of this type of element. A scary thing.

Barry has returned to work. He's doing pretty good. Has his aches but never complains. Trouble sleeping at night, so therefore may take a nap during the day. Takes each day as it comes.

I would like to wish good health to a few of my friends, a couple who are going through the "C" crap. Not a fun thing to do, but something you just have to do.

Happy 16th Birthday, Tim

And also a Happy 79th Birthday to MOM today. Two special people on my life!

#7 Chemoembolization under the belt

I got to the hospital at 7:30 a.m. Dr. G. checked in on Barry before 9 a.m. Barry did not get discharged until 11:45 a.m. due to a delay in getting one of his nausea pills. It took about 1 1/2 hrs. for that one pill to be delivered. You should not have to go through such stress while already dealing with cancer. If only there was some kind of self-discharge process in place!

After we picked Tim up from his friend's house, we went out for late lunch. I came home and took a small nap as I served as eucharistic minister at the 5 p.m. mass. Tim went to help out at our church Valentine's dinner dance that was being held after the mass. The auditorium did not look like an auditorium with all the decorations that the youth had put up on Thursday. The youth ministry is benefiting from the dance with a portion going to their mission trip this summer. They did a great job with the dance. The kids were all dressed in black and white, including bow ties and cumabuns (not sure of spelling). It's a big fundraiser with a nice sit down meal. I knew it was Barry's chemo day so we didn't attend. Next year though we will!

Barry's doing fine. Required no pain meds this treatment. Each treatment can vary so greatly.
As we were talking to the nurse and discussing the delay in being discharged, she mentioned another patient that has the same chemo treatment. A 16 year old boy. Now that puts your life into prospective. He always wishes to get out by 7 a.m.! A real kidder. Same age as Tim. Life is so crazy, isn't it. We are so lucky.

Update on Barry

I've just left Barry at the hospital and have arrived safe and sound at the Family House where I'll be staying.

There was a bit of discrepancy on what number chemo treatment this was. According to my blog, which I don't believe is wrong, it is number 7. But the hospital records today showed it be #6. I tend to believe my records as he has MUGA scans on the odd number treatments. And that was done last week.

The CT scans from last week showed the tumor that had been treated last time had a small change in size. It went from 3.9 c.m. to 4.1 c.m. The dr. has assured me that this is not a significant change to be worried about. He came to see us as Barry was sleeping in the afternoon. He did not want to wake him up, so he talked with me. Was very comforting to me. Even drew me a picture of the area in question. Therefore, today's chemo was aimed directly at the area that had growth. He will have CT scans in 8 weeks. If there is growth, chemo will be done then. If none, he will have chemo 2 weeks later. Not sure of Dr. G's exact words, but basically said we proceed as we have been doing: onward. I did feel good after talking with him.

Barry got to his room at about 12:30 p.m. I ate in cafeteria and once I knew he was in the room, I checked in at the house. Watched a soap opera and took a small nap. Felt like heaven. Got back to hospital by 3 p.m. The whole afternoon Barry slept. Did not require any pain meds! No soreness in usual belly area. He continues to be a real trouper. After his 6 hrs. of laying flat on his back, he ate a good dinner which I had saved for him. Watched some TV and went back to sleep. I left him at about 8:30 a.m.

I'll be going back in morning by 8 a.m. to see Dr. G again for discharge papers.
Just wanted to give everyone an update on him as I know people would like to know.
Again, thanks for everything. And thanks also for taking good care of Tim while we are away. Means a lot to me.

Barry's 7th treatment

Barry heads to Pittsburgh in the a.m. for his 7th chemoembolization. It's been 10 weeks since his last treatment. Once again we have to be there by 6 a.m.

Will keep you up to date once I'm back online. Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers.

Medical appts. today

Barry was out of the house by 6 a.m. today for his appt. in the city. Got there about an hr. early, better early than late. They were able to co-ordinate the 2 types of tests therefore taking less time. Results next Friday at his chemo treatment.

I had my 6 months appt. with my radiation/oncologist this morning. He gives the best exam. Very thorough. Closes his eyes and moves his hands slowly around the breasts. I told him that I had looked forward to this appt. as in the back of my head, the worry is there. Especially since there has been an ache near the incision. He reassured me that surgery can effect the nerves in the area for a couple of years or more. Did not feel anything out of the ordinary except scar tissue. Told him of my recent on and off aches in my right arm. This has been happening since October. He's been the first doctor that has taken the initiative and has scheduled me to see neurologist on Monday. Possibly could be related to ulnar nerve. Whatever it is, it's caused discomfort first of January and just last night.

He confirmed that my mammogram is next month. And my next appt. with him is in 6 months. This will represent 2 years out of treatment. And according to him the recurrence rate drops drastically at this time period. So a reason to celebrate.

CT Scans tomorrow

See, I'm still here. Just have been taking a break since nothing new to report.
Tomorrow Barry will be heading to Pittsburgh for CT scans and MUGA heart scan in the morning. It has been 9 weeks since his last chemoembolization treatment. And it sure does feel like a long time. His next treatment is in one week. In the past they were 8 weeks in between treatments. I continue to pray positive thoughts. This month it will have been one year of treatments to Pittsburgh. A long year. I've actually changed the way I'm praying. I know that no change in size is good news, but I want great news now. Call me selfish. Just a small reduction. Barry has noticed some hair loss these past few months, and this treatment did cause more discomfort/pain than the others. (different side of liver was treated)

Since there is one week in between having the CT scans and treatment, his doctor should have lots of time to plan the next attack.

Will keep you posted..

Not much happening. Thank goodness.

Just a quick note to say hello. Have heard from a couple of friends directly. Wondering how things were on my end. I haven't blogged lately due to no real news. Which is probably good news in itself. Barry's next CT scans are Feb 2, followed by his next chemo treatment on Feb 9th. Geez, where does the time go? All is fine here. Tim's getting over a cold from last week.
He continues to play soccer and has now signed on to be in school musical as a background singer. Told me it's a real bit part, but I'm glad he took the initiative just to be a part of something. The play is in April and does require a lot of practice time. We're looking forward to the spring.

On the news today I read that deaths relating to cancer are on decline, second year in a row. Geez, you could fool me. Seems everyday you hear of cancer. Just yesterday Benny Parsons died. They killed the tumor in his lungs, but also damaged one of his lungs while doing so. It's just another cancer story that hits home. There was a poll question on a website tonight that I saw: do you believe there will be cure for cancer? About 2/3 who voted said no, I am optomistic and was part of the 1/3.

Again, thanks for wondering about us. We're fine, just was taking a breather.

Angels

You know, God works in mysterious ways. A saying that has been said so many times. This came to my mind. A friend of mine, Tina, is going through chemo for breast cancer. I had not seen her since before Christmas, so I decided to stop in at the store where she works during my lunch today. Gave her a hug and just wanted to tell her I was thinking of her. Never mentioned the words "you look good today" to her since I know how Barry feels when people tell him that. Me, it never bothered but his feelings are present and I understand where he's coming from.

This evening I decided to stop by her house and bring her a Hope charm I had bought for her, along with several of the hats I wore while I was bald and beautiful! They weren't doing any good in my drawer and I figured she might enjoy the bright colors. I pull up to her house and notice many cars in driveway. I realize she has teenagers and that perhaps it was friends playing there. I knock on the door and am greeted by BJ (another friend of mine). She whispers to me "shhhh, the angel ladies are here." Heck, I didn't know what the heck she was talking about. There were other friends there, as they were having a small party/gathering whereas the 2 angel ladies do some kind of spritual readings on you. (for a fee). Tina asked that I stay, which I did for awhile with my coat on. Got my mind to thinking as I was there. I have often said that angels do walk among us. Not only are the 2 ladies who do the readings angels, but all our friends who get together just to socialize/talk with. Perhaps in someway, I was an angel this evening. If I've learned anything these past couple of years, it is to spread Hope and friendship. PS. Without even charging a cent $. :)

Please pray for Gary who is struggling with cancer and it's pain. I just got email from his wife Barb who has asked that prayers be sent his way. Thanks.

Another survivor

I was surfing the web and came across a blog created by Lynne who has been diagnosed with gall bladder cancer. I took the time to read her informational blog, and I posted a comment on it. I know from personal experience that just knowing people are reading your blog it is a big boost to you personally. And as you can see, she has in turn posted on my blog. Just another angel walking among us.

So don't be shy, please post if you are taking the time to read my thoughts. It is a great pick me upper....

Thanks, Lynne.

I'm still here

I know it's been a week since bloggin' but I have no real excuse. Just busy living and working like every one else.

Today was another one of those Rockwell painting moments. Tim got invited to play Monopoly at a classmates house along with a few other friends this afternoon. For some reason this just hit me as one of those days I say "you have to love this town." Teenagers getting together to play a board game. Pretty nice, in my opinion.

I took advantage of this time and had a nap. For the past couple of weeks I've not been my good ole' self. Have weaned myself off of two medicines, one that was used to treat night sweats and the other for anxiety. Both were taken at bedtime. I'm not really liking the side effects, slight as they may be. I'm back to being sweaty and hot, and not having a good night's sleep. Have once again experienced discomfort in my right arm for a couple of days. Feeling very heavy, as if something wrong with a nerve. And my pinky finger and palm ached. Every position I would sleep would not be a good position. I feel that it's time to cut my hair short again just to get it off my head. It was my decision to wean myself off, which I did in a two week process according to my doctor. But since have read that one of these medicines is wicked to get off of. It's almost like the drug companies put something in them to keep you on forever. The doses were even small to start with. Now I ponder, is it worth it? Worth not having a good night's sleep?

I try not to complain as I know Barry's going through something much more difficult than me being restless and achy. Just another way that cancer sucks.

A new Year begins

As planned, we went out to dinner last night with about 4 families. We had a very nice time. Afterwards we went to Beckster's house and played Taboo. Not sure of the correct spelling of this game. It was pretty fun. Lots of laughs. We got home at about 11:30 p.m. We opened up a bottle of champagne that had made a home in our refrigerator for quite a long time. Heaven only knows how long. Took Barry all his strength just to unpop the cork.

The 3 of us toasted in the New Year and I undecorated the Christmas tree.

We slept in this a.m. and then I cooked pork chops for lunch. Unfortunately Barry had to go to work early today. Sort of had to eat and run. I did some "spring" cleaning of windows. Tim's friend Ben came over and they played some video games.

And for the first day of the new year, I did not even have a nap! Maybe that will let me sleep better tonight.

I love the ability to look back in time at my blog postings. Otherwise I would not remember what had happened.

Again, have a healthy new year.